To My Dearest Will - Tag Maximilian 'Josh' McLachlan (Challenge#4) Brianna sat at her desk staring at the sheet of parchment in front of her. Her quill wagged back and fourth in her hand, exposing her nervousness. It was ridiculous how this was making her feel. She had just graduated from Law School, a whole year early too (of course, she had been aiming to graduate even earlier, but circumstances didn’t allow for that to happen), and had just passed her Bar Exam. She was a real lawyer now. An employed lawyer. A small law firm in Sacramento offered her a position just after she graduated. They currently handled cases dealing with disability lawsuits. It wasn’t Brianna’s first choice (and she knew that she was only chosen due in part to her own disabilities), but she thought it would be a great start to her career. So really, there was absolutely no reason a letter would cause her to feel this way!
But it did.
To delay the inevitable, Brianna put her quill down and began to mess with her long brown hair, attempting to pull it up into a messy bun on top of her head. She often did this when she was procrastinating, which was better than chewing her lips (an old habit of hers when she was anxious about something). Her appearance had changed very little since her Sonora days. Her hair was the same, her lips still extra large, her nose still freckled… her body still long, semi-muscular due to her daily swims. The only thing that probably changed about her was her sense of style and that had more to do with the fact that she finally had money rather than her just not having the style to begin with. Still, she felt older and more sophisticated despite only being in her early twenties.
And with that feeling, she knew she couldn’t be a scared little girl any longer. Her life was going in the right direction. She had an education, a career, friends, a boyfriend… So, why wasn’t she exactly feeling ‘happy’? She knew why. Brianna’s dark eyes glanced up at the pictures that sat framed on her desk. One was when she was just fourteen, dressed as an elf at a Halloween party standing next to a boy who would become one of the most important people in her life but who was know presumed dead by the world. Another photo was only from a couple of years ago. She was standing beside a man with a beard. It was winter, so she was wearing a large hat and her nose was pink from the cold. But she looked happy. Maybe he did too. The final picture was the most recent, it was at graduation and was of her and Joe. Later that day he had proposed to her. She had been surprised, elated, and hesitant.
And she knew why.
Picking up the quill once more, Brianna began the letter that would change everything for her.
Dear Will,
It has been awhile since my last visit to you, but so much has happened in the time between. I graduated last month. I’m sorry I didn’t write to you about it sooner, but life became so hectic that the time just got away from me. But I graduated! And I passed the Bar! I’m officially a lawyer and, I’ve gotten a job in a firm in Sacramento that handles disability lawsuits. It’s not quite the criminal law I was looking for, but it’s a start. Plus, if I can help someone who is being discriminated against or bullied in some way because they are different, than I’ve done what I have intended to do as a Lawyer and human.
So, other than those things, the only other thing I haven’t told you is that Joe proposed to me. I haven’t said anything yet because, quite frankly, I’m a little terrified. But also, I have some things on my mind that I need to clear away first before I can fully commit to him, which is why I am writing to you now.
I have a confession to make. It may be something you’ve already become aware of and too kind to say anything about or maybe you haven’t allowed yourself to notice, but I felt it was time for me to tell the truth. I cannot continue to deceive you, Joe, or myself any longer. In order for me to move on, really move on, I have to say this to you. Perhaps it would have been best if I could say this to you directly, but I’m too much of a coward for that. I don’t want to see your look of disappointment or pity.
You see, Will, I have been in love with you for as long as I could really figure out what love is, which is about the time you first left me. I realized back then how much I need you in my life. I have supported you in every way that I can think of and given you space because I know how hard things can be. But I love you. I don’t know any other way around it.
I don’t expect you to be in love with me and I don’t want you to feel as though this will end our friendship because it won’t. I will always be there for you and I hope you will always be there for me. But I cannot give myself fully to Joe until I know that you will never want that life with me. If you tell me that you cannot be with me because you don’t love me the same way, then I will marry Joe. But don’t try to play hero with me and think it’s because you are protecting me. It’s not. Be honest with yourself and with me. Tell me the truth and know that I will be strong either way.
I hope to hear from you and I still plan on taking that trip up to see you in October, so don’t you dare try to back out of it.
Be well and stay safe.
With love,
Brianna
She reread the letter. It wasn’t exactly how she wanted to phrase it to him and she felt as though she had so much more to say but not the words to say it with. She really hoped that she was doing the right thing. Brianna knew that if she said yes to Joe without ever confronting Will, she’ll always have that doubt in the back of her mind. No, it was better that she do this. For everyone.
Tying the letter to her barn owl, Chester, Brianna kissed the bird and released him out the window. She watched him soar through the air until she could no longer see him or call him back. There was nothing she could do now but wait.