Who: Gabe Wilder, Zadkiel Thrush, and Avinoam When: July 4, 2096 Where: Primarily the streets near Anhalt What: Gabe produces an Avinoam who decides to pay Zadkiel a visit. Then Gabe comes to find them, and fireworks ensue in more than one sense. Status: Log, Complete
It had been Julie's call that sparked it. And the look that Sean had given him when he flipped on his cell phone and started talking- or gotten a talking to. His stomach had begun to clench almost immediately at the sound of her voice, the uncertainty about where they stood causing it to roll and tighten.
Gabriel said almost nothing as the call went on. "Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "I didn't mean." "I'm sorry." "Yeah." Nothing that deserved the sharp click of the receiver on the other end, the one sound that reminded him so much of his mother that his eyes watered. The hang-up on the other end of the line.
His father came up behind him.
"That her?"
Gabe nodded.
"Give me your phone." Gabe hesitated. Sean continued. "I said. Give me your fucking phone." Reluctantly, the younger man handed it over. With a short, brusque motion, Sean slammed it against the shop counter so hard that small pieces of plastic went flying. Gabe's mouth dropped open. "You give her this number, I'll cut your fucking balls off, son." The pressure in Gabe's stomach released as his father grunted, walking silently into the stockroom without another look.
He didn't bother to see what self he'd called. It wasn't worth it.
It was the fourth of July, Avinoam noticed as he looked up into the sky, his green eyes catching the light and reflecting it back tenfold.
His feet still remembered the path to the Anhalt. He wondered if it was still standing in this time period or if it had been destroyed with all of the other things that he had held so close. The things that had been unleashed by the insanity that the engineer had brought to life. The engineer and the architect. He wondered if they, too, were here. Talking - another Gabe might have chosen, instead, to have given his life in stopping his own future. This one was selfish. This one had loved.
He knocked at the door, not sure if it was his home in this reality or if he had never joined them. It had been strange, accepting the challenge that the envelope presented and standing up as a leader for the first time. He'd called the others to order and watched Katherine's eyes flicker with surprise.
But the garden here was not the one that he remembered. Not the place that he had carefully planted, the herbs for cooking, the vegetables in neat, small rows. This was a place tangled and overgrown and he wondered who would answer the door. Would it be Tereska with her sharp cat's smile? Or Char's light laughter? Or perhaps- and he didn't let himself hope for that at all.
Hope was dangerous.
After all, it was clearly fear that had brought him.
Normally Zadkiel didn't answer the door, but he wasn't sure that he wasn't the only one home. He hadn't heard anyone moving around much, anyway. It had taken him a while to realize that today was a holiday, and then a little while longer to figure out which one. American History education had been... spotty... back at home.
He twisted the doorknob and opened the door a crack, peering out. When he saw Gabe standing there his face split into a smile and he opened it more fully. "Hello," he said, sounding at once overjoyed and shy. "I didn't know you were coming by."
"I... uh..." This was the man he remembered. "I thought I'd surprise you." He smiled back, face cracking with the look. "There's fireworks, remember? Dude, you can't just, like, sit at home alone."
"Fireworks?" Zadkiel cocked his head, the smile sliding into a frown. Had Gabe invited him somewhere and he'd forgotten? "I guess that must be where everyone else is?"
"Um. Probably." He shouldn't lie, Avinoam knew that, but he couldn't help it. Things were so different where he came from and this might be his last few moments of life. He reached out, grabbing Zadkiel's hand a little roughly. "Come on- dude, they're great. We can go walk over to the waterfront."
Zadkiel's fingers closed around Gabe's without thinking. He patted his pocket to make sure he had his key on him, then closed the door behind him, following along. His grip was loose, unsure whether he was supposed to let go or if Gabe would now that they were moving. There wasn't exactly any precedent, since generally the blue-haired man shied away from any kind of touch.
But the hand remained on his, happy and confident as they walked.
Zadkiel liked fireworks, Avinoam remembered. Why had he been staying home? He'd seemed so glad to see him - he wondered whether this version of himself had married Julie already. Some mistakes, however, could be undone and in this universe- if they hadn't yet been made, he planned to enjoy them as long as he could.
Fuck the "real" Gabe - that Gabe clearly wasn't living.
"So, how's today been?" He asked lightly, the pressure on Zadkiel's hand increasing. "The engineer driving you nuts yet?" He wouldn't say the name.
"I'm glad the clinic closed down early," Zadkiel said. "There were a lot of burns today. Firecrackers and all of that, everyone said." He glanced up at Gabe. "Are fireworks like firecrackers? They seem pretty dangerous, if so. But I guess rather than keeping us all there because they have to pay us time and a half for the holiday? They decided to close day at five, and anyone else who manages to hurt him or herself will have to go to the emergency room." He shrugged. "The engineer?"
"Ganesh," he said, tensing. He wondered if this Gabe had met him yet. He clearly knew Zadkiel and well enough that his touch hadn't dismayed the other man. "Firecrackers are fireworks. You know, um, like sparklers and bottle rockets- all that shit? All fireworks, Zad."
"Oh." He wasn't sure what the point of going to see them was, then. He'd seen a few kids with sparklers around, and they didn't seem all that interesting, and firecrackers just made noise. Still, it was better than sitting around at home by himself, which he did far too much of. "No, he's not driving me crazy. I've only really spoken to him once. He gave me a picture frame you can keep digital pictures in. I finally bought myself a digital camera, even though I like the old-fashioned ones better. I don't think I could get a dark room here."
"I could build one for you," Avinoam offered, walking them around the corner. The hill that he was looking for was not far from the turn. He wondered if Gabriel would come looking for him or if the fight with Julie had sucked all the fight out of him. He sensed something in his body, a sudden tenseness that wasn't good.
"I don't know that I'd be able to get the chemicals I'd need," Zadkiel said. "Especially without an actual identity." Which he didn't have. "It's not really done anymore. It's like people have lost their connection to tangible things. Things you can touch and hold on to." He tightened his fingers around Gabe's without thinking.
Avinoam's breath quickened, not only because of the touch of Zadkiel's hand but because of the fact that he could feel Gabriel coming nearer. He reached out, touching his fingers to the side of Zadkiel's cheek.
"It doesn't feel like that forever." It seemed important, to give him that much of a possible future. Whatever the other versions thought, this Avinoam believed in potential.
Zadkiel looked up at him, and he knew that this wasn't this world's Gabe when he really looked, but he let himself pretend that it didn't matter. He turned his face towards the touch slightly, his eyes wide. "That's good to know," he said softly. He wanted to ask if he would ever stop feeling like a stranger in a strange land, but how could the other man answer? Maybe in his world, Zadkiel never had.
Avinoam wanted to warn him - to tell him about the terrible change that was coming but that wouldn't end badly. But instead he stepped a little closer, his fingers trailing down Zadkiel's neck. Perhaps it would be better – kinder – to end it here.
He wondered if this world's Gabriel believed in mercy.
The younger man shivered under the touch, his breath catching as he stared up at Avinoam. He didn't know what was happening, exactly, or what he wanted to happen, but he didn't – couldn't – pull away.
Avinoam's lips gently moved further forward as his fingers slipped around Zadkiel's neck, the tips resting under the base of his skull. It won't take long-
"Motherfucker-" He heard behind him as a voice, so much like his own, interrupted his motion. His shoulders jerked back, hauled off by his other, younger self. Gabe shoved him, palm flat on his chest, standing between where he stood and Zadkiel. "What the fuck, man? What the fuck?" He looked at Avinoam in absolute horror. His fingers were around Zadkiel's throat. I could have killed him. And yet – it hadn't looked like hate at all.
Zadkiel blinked as the moment shattered, tossed back into reality cold water in the face. He registered the horror, disgust, in Gabe's voice, and did the only thing he could think of to do. He ran. It wasn't that far back to the Anhalt. He might make it before Gabe could catch up, if he bothered following at all.
"Fuck," Gabe said as he saw Zadkiel run. What was he supposed to do here? But Avinoam took the choice away from him, slamming a fist into his stomach so hard that he rocked the tree behind them both. "Get off me, fucker!"
His foot kicked out at the other version of himself, flailing as it hit. He felt an echo of the pain in his own thigh-it wasn't going to be bad enough to keep Avinoam from striking back. And he did. Jesus, Gabe thought as a punch landed against his cheek. I'm going to kill myself. Shoving back, and feeling the sensation of pressure in his own chest, he tried to pull away.
Zadkiel didn't let himself stop until he was back at Anhalt. He fumbled with his keys but couldn't get his fingers coordinated enough to fit the proper one into the lock. He finally gave up and slid down against the door, his back to it and his head in his hands, shaking. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he chastised himself.
And then the guilt hit. He'd left Gabe facing off with... other Gabe, and he didn't know what was going to happen, and Gabe had told him that sometimes the other versions of himself wanted to kill him. And he'd panicked and left him.
He picked himself back up and headed back to where he'd left them, terrified of what he might find when he did. He didn't flat out run this time, because he didn't want to draw attention, but he moved quickly, his lungs aching.
Gabe was in the middle of another punch when Zadkiel hit the scene, his body slamming against Avinoam's so hard that a bruise appeared on his own cheek. He was clearly starting to tire, and tire more--his breath harsh and shallower than the other man's.
"Stop- I'll leave- just stop-"
"You never fucking leave, any of you," Gabe hissed. "And I don't trust you." His hand connected again with flesh and the both of them hunched over, folding nearly in half.
"Stop!" Zadkiel took a step closer to them, trying to get between them and force them to break up the fight that he couldn't help thinking he had caused. "Please stop! Don't fight."
Avinoam got in another punch before pulling back. A spray of blood flew from Gabe's nose, his hand reaching up to staunch the flow before tearing off his jacket and wadding it up against his face. It wasn't broken but he knew he looked a mess.
"Stopping," he said. Avinoam said nothing at all, just took another step towards Zadkiel. Gabe moved an inch forward.
"Here," Zadkiel said, reaching for Gabe. "I can fix it. I-If you want me to." He held out a hand, reaching toward's Gabe's face but not touching.
"He goes." Gabe didn't take the hand but stood in front of Zadkiel, his body shadowing the shorter man. "Now."
"You don't understand."
"Dude, I fucking know what I saw," he said and his voice was hard, his jaw set in anger. "You- him- you were trying to fucking kill him. You get the fuck away."
Zadkiel frowned, his forehead furrowing in confusion. "Kill me? He wasn't trying to kill me. He was..." But he didn't really know what he had been trying to do, and nerves took over as he tried to lie his way through it. "I-I had s-something on my f-face or something."
"So he had his fucking hands around your throat?!"
"Only one hand was n-near my throat!" the younger man protested. "He wasn't hurting me. I swear to you he wasn't."
"So, what- oh." And yet, the look on Avinoam's face was too guilty for him to have meant anything other than harm. Gabe stilled. "I... uh. Okay. Sure." He didn't sound convinced.
"I won't touch him again." No, there were other people in this time more worth the effort, Avinoam thought. He'd let sentimentality get in the way. His hands flew out as he took a couple steps back, then fell into a run. Gabe lunged towards him, missing the back of his shirt with a gasp, the pain in his side too harsh to allow him to catch up.
"He can't do that much harm in a couple minutes," he muttered. The fight had weakened them both and he hoped the statement was correct.
Zadkiel watched him go, his shoulders slumping. "Do you want me to... fix it?" He gestured again towards his face. "It'll only take a second."
"I didn't get between the two of you so you could hurt yourself." Gabe sank down to the curb, burrowing his nose into the jacket and pinching hard. "'s okay. It's just a fucking scratch."
"He wasn't hurting me," he repeated. "I swear to God he wasn't." Which from anyone else might just have been a saying, but from Zadkiel was the strongest oath he had. "And it won't hurt me. It's hardly anything. I'll just stop the bleeding so you don't completely ruin your jacket. Please?"
"No. I don't want you to." He'd spent too many years watching his mother hurt herself in one way, then another. He couldn't bear it in other people. "Jacket's fucking ruined anyways." Gabe hunched up. "Told you... it's all fucked up."
It occurred to him then that Gabe just didn't want Zadkiel to touch him. "I'm sorry," he said softly, sitting next to him, but not too close. "I should have realized and, and not gone with him. I just wasn't paying close enough attention and..." He shrugged. It didn't matter. "We could go back to the Anhalt. I could get you some ice, at least."
"It's fine." He pulled the jacket away, his face red. "Fuck, Zadkiel, I'm really- really sorry. That was... fuck. It was fucking fucked-up."
"It doesn't matter," Zadkiel said softly, not even flinching at the string of cursing. "It's okay. I'm okay." He hesitated, "We should get you cleaned up."
"I don't want... dude... he shouldn't- I shouldn't've- done that."
"Done what? No one did anything except the two of you beating each other up. We were just going to see the fireworks." Zadkiel stared at the ground. Maybe this was all a dream. Maybe he would wake up and find that he'd just dozed off, and he was back in his room, in the house, alone.
"I... you know. I wish I'd thought of that." His knees pressed against his chest as he brought his feet up on the curb.
Zadkiel glanced at him, his stomach doing a weird sort of flip. "There's still time, isn't there? We could go back and get the blood cleaned off your face and then go? If you wanted?"
"Yeah." He smiled. "I'd like that. I think, anyhow." He gave his nose one last defiant rub before he stood.
"You don't have to," Zadkiel said, standing up next to him. "If you'd rather just go home or something."
"Dude, did I say I didn't want to?" Gabe looked confused. "Um- my car's just right over- oh, fuck." He sighed. Apparently Avinoam could also hotwire a vehicle.
"It's only a few blocks back to Anhalt," Zadkiel said. "I don't know where were going, though."
"I don't either." He cracked a grin. "That was the other me." Gabe gestured. "Maybe um, up the hill? It won't be long and we'll be able to see them fucking everywhere."
"All right." Zadkiel turned to go back to the house first, so that Gabe could wash up and maybe they could find a jacket or something for him that wasn't soaked with blood.
"Wait-" Gabe reached out and touched Zadkiel's arm. "They're starting."
Just above them both, a brilliant light hung in the air for a moment, then broke into a thousand points, each one a tiny little star. His head craned up, watching the way that it tore at the darkness, illuminating them both for a split second before the night shadowed them again.
Zadkiel stared up at the sky in awe, then turned to look at Gabe, his eyes lit up like a little kid's. "I guess we'd better get up that hill, then."