It was the best and only word Eric could think of to describe the too long days and seemingly endless nights that stretched on for eternity. It was the word that he knew that most accurately described his every waking moment, and that overwhelmed the small hours of sleep he had been determined to claim each evening. Endless wandering made him restless and though he never truly believed he would have ever ended up back in that apartment...well, he had and he hated every piece of it. Strangers had designed it, ghosts of his past, and now he was dwelling in it. Resting against strange sheets in a bed his body knew once a very long time ago. Slowly the mattress was beginning to recognize him again, but it was old and uncompromising and he loathed it.
Most nights, because of the tossing and turning, Eric spent the weary hours draped across the couch. The white kitten had taken claim to the back of the piece of furniture, snuggled gently into the tops of the cushions. Though Saucer certainly wasn't much of a kitten anymore. He was growing steadily, becoming more active and eager to explore. And bold. Oh was the white Persian feline a bold creature indeed.
There were no amount of books, magazines or television programs worth settling into that could distract him. Nothing seemed to be able to combat the misery and the emptiness Eric felt. Not even going out to explore the City or listening to the local artists struggle to find themselves. Some of that hope had returned, some of that emptiness had eased up when he had spent time on the wall with Lee. But she was only a small part now.
He needed his mate. Every moment spent without him was like dying slowly, a feeling Eric knew. It felt like suffocation, drowning.
Macklyn had sworn that they never would have ended up anywhere near here, that Eric would not have to face these walls again. These ghosts. These memories. Where had everything good gone? It felt like being trapped beneath a landslide, one thing after the other...and both of them were to blame for that. Had he known back on the island before Macklyn had changed him that he would have to face life without his soulmate, he would never have asked Macklyn to save him. Death was much easier than this. He would have welcomed that over this. This was...it was too much to lose.