Honestly, no sarcasm. No, really! Genuine affection for the human race.
"Well, basically, we plug in a little radioactive material here - radium, processed cheese, whatever's handy," he said, pointing to a small, heavily-shielded compartment on top, "then this laser here vaporizes it ... directs it into the miniature cyclotron here," he pointed to the flat cylinder dominating the structure, "which accelerates the particles fast enough to get them to break apart, like throwing your brother's Lego castle at the wall ... then we have a massive, positive charge down here, by the battery. The electrons stick to that, the neutrons are caught in here," he pointed to a smaller cylinder just above the cord that connected to the handheld, "and all the protons go flying down the conduct channel, where we can control their frequency and volume with the wand. Easy peasy.
"Have they taught you much nuclear physics in your middle school, yet?"