The idea of telling Evey, of seeing that look of horror on her face again killed Aidan. But he knew that she was right, and that he shouldn't keep it secret. He knew he couldn't have even if he'd wanted to. She would know. There was no way to dull the signs of what he'd done from his body, unless he was going to avoid her more. That was just not going to happen. He already didn't know how long it had been since he'd seen her, his Evey.
A hand ran through his hair, and he felt the way that it stuck up from his scalp from the way it ached just a little bit from the gentle movement. The first step, she was right, was getting clean.
"Yeah." Aidan nodded as he said it, pushing himself from the couch. He assumed that Evey would still be there when he got back, if only to make sure that he'd done what he was supposed to do. He felt like a child, and knew that in a way he was one. He needed her guidance, her firm hand to show him the way. Or he would shut down again and nothing would be resolved.
Shutting down had been the cause of this misfortune.
Automatically, he turned in the direction of the second bathroom, his body knowing what was hidden within and craving it. Aidan forced himself to turn, and stupidly pointed in the direction of the master bath as if this wasn't one of the most serious moments of his life.
The shower was all hot water, he didn't even bother with the cold. The heat of it raised an instant steam cloud, burning when he put himself under it. He used a rough loofah to scrub with, and used it to the point that a human might have started to actually lose layers of skin, hoping that he could scrub the nastiness of himself from his body. He let the tears flow and mix with the shower stream, unforgiving of himself and feeling no cleaner despite the fresh smell that engulfed him now.
Getting out of the shower, Aidan didn't bother to wipe the mirror clear. He couldn't even begin to look at himself. He moved into the bedroom, only mostly dry, to look for clothes. The first things he found were what he put on. Usually he was fairly careful with dressing himself. Today it was not important.
While he moved, he worked through the night in his head. There were four people before he'd gotten to the strip club, and people inside of it, then there had been Leeloo. He did nothing with his hair, didn't put on any scent, this wasn't a social call after all. It wasn't even particularly friendly.
"Thirteen." he said quietly, when he re-entered the living room.