Dinah stared while Dean talked. Was that what she did? Did she keep people at arm's length to try to avoid being hurt? As soon as she started to think about it, she knew that it was true. She let people in only so far but she always compartmentalized to some extent. Back home, she was almost always a member of two teams at once. She had more than one best friend. She'd always been one foot in and one foot out with Ollie. Even back in Seattle. She'd been quick to run with Harry. And now she was doing this to Dean. The realization and regret could be clearly seen on her face.
Once Dean went from angry to at least trying to smooth things over, she followed him to the couch and tentatively sat down. He was still upset and she couldn't blame him. She reached out and gently touched the side of his face for a moment before she folded her hands into her lap.
"I'm sorry."
The words seemed insufficient, but there wasn't much else she could say. She could promise to do things differently but she had a feeling that words weren't what he needed. He needed to see her making an effort over time. He needed to see things changed.
It wouldn't be easy to just change overnight, but she had a guy that she loved more than anything who wanted to be a part of all aspects of her life. And the only thing holding her back was fear of getting hurt. She had so much more to gain from facing that fear. After all, keeping people at a distance never really made it hurt less when they left or when she lost them.
She wondered, briefly, if she'd done the same thing in making it clear to him the last time it had come up that she wasn't interested in marriage. She knew that was a fear thing as well-she was afraid that getting married would somehow jinx things. That she'd find a way to screw it up. On the other hand, he'd seemed relieved that she'd felt that way so she stowed those thoughts away for another time.
"They don't have an exact ETA, but a few weeks at least. I was thinking that I could take a break from crimefighting during that time, unless something really dire comes up. You know, if you wanted I could ask Fred and Bruce to make up some sort of- gear," she said, using his word with a small smile, "for you. Maybe a kevlar lined jacket and some sort of non-lethal bullets or a stun gun of some sorts? I know that it doesn't make up for anything, but I'd like you to come on patrol with me once everything's ready."