Wash could read her like a star chart, like a map from point A to point Z and all the points in between. To an outsider it might have seemed like she wasn't emotional at all. That Wash was a lot sadder about all this than she was. But Wash knew better, he always had.
He grabbed her wrist the instant she finished speaking.
"Shh shh, bǎo bèi. You did nothing wrong," he said, pulling her towards him. He stroked her cheek, then put his hand down to catch her other. His bag of groceries sat leaned against the corner of the elevator.
"I would have done the same. Still hurts," he said matter-of-fact. "No way it doesn't. 'Tsnot your fault, Zoe. You're a beautiful, gorgeous, goddess of a woman. Ain't right you not having someone," he frowned and sighed.
"So no more blamin' yourself for unfortunate situations, dong ma? Cause I don't wanna find you ruinin' whatever goodness you got right now." His eyes were rimmed bright red. He was struggling so hard not to cry that his face was starting to turn red as well.
"And don't go feelin' sorry for little ole me. I only had to lose you once. So just, you keep livin' your life, dong ma? And, I dunno. Maybe we can become real good friends sometime. Mess with each other. Laugh. One day we'll turn around," a tear ran down his cheek, "and we'll be real real good friends. Tell stories and drink alcohol and slap each other on the back. And I'll be there to talk to and-and-um-I don't want to lose you, Zoe."
The realization came so hard to him that it hurt
"I don't. And I know it's selfish and I know it ain't right. But all of this is too much, right now. May be best we should spend some time apart. Cause I don't think I can control right now that I want you back. I really don't."