Food delivery (Fred/Dinah log completed)
Fred woke up that morning with a plan. She’d found out finally something she felt she should have somehow known. While she’d never had a kid, she had lost people; it was a wonder sometimes how she got out of bed sometimes. Then again, the very reason she might not get out of bed was why she was getting out of bed: Dinah had lost someone. Or more someone had been taken away. She didn’t know how one of the great leggy women of JLC was doing, but she she had decided she’d find out.
The plan was simple, consisting of very few steps. 1. Get up, do the morning thing, be presentable to go out in public. 2. Coffee. 3. Call Jensen to say ‘hi’ and ‘may not be round much today’ - she had a mission. 4. Get food. 5. Get sweets, which do not count as food. 6. Lug all the edible goodness to Dinah’s.
The plan went well, more or less. It did take her a little longer to get it all done, so it wasn’t until midday that she was knocking on the door to Dinah’s townhouse. She had forgotten, amazingly, how far places could be from each other when she actually had to walk the full distance with her arms full of food. Thankfully, none of it was melty food, such as ice cream.
----
Dinah was finding it hard to get out of bed some days. Other days, she spent all of her time outside of the townhouse working on her bike or working out-anything to distract herself from the emptiness of the place that had once been a home.
She hadn’t meant to keep Jake’s disappearance from Fred, but she hadn’t really felt up to telling anyone. Jensen had taken care of telling the Justice League and he’d only known because he’d been the one to confirm that Jake was gone. Dean only knew because he’d stopped by the shop and gotten it out of her.
She hadn’t been feeling overly social, though the few times that people had called or stopped by had been appreciated.
Dinah didn’t look her best when she answered the door to Fred. She was in shlumpy pajama-type clothes and she had barely run a comb through her hair in the morning. Her teeth were brushed at least. All the same, she gave her friend a slight smile.
She also had a slight moment of panic when she realized that it was possible that Fred didn’t know about what had happened to Jake. She really didn’t want to have to explain that yet again. It was too painful.
“Fred. Hi,” she greeted the brainy beauty.
----
“Oh.” There was only a moment as Fred was a little shocked at what she saw, but it disappeared very quickly. The smile wasn’t too bright; she wasn’t trying to cover anything. It was simply a Fred smile.
“I brought food.” She held up her arms. There were bags from various places. “It’s kind of heavy, so if you don’t mind.” She didn’t exactly push Dinah out of the way, but she was coming in whether Dinah wanted her to or not. Fred wasn’t going away, and she was coming in.
“Just show me where to put this.” The way she said it suggested any vulgar locations were certainly out of the question. The brainy female could be awfully determined when she wanted to be. “There are non perishables like spray cheese and crackers. Debbie Cakes - Hohos and that sort of thing. Didn’t get any Twinkies, but I can get those later. Or we can. A few cans of soup. Not too many. I really should have gotten that little push cart.”
----
Dinah’s eyes widened at the bags. Fred wasn’t kidding-she had certainly brought food. She reached out to take a few of the bags and there was no way she was letting Fred fight her on that. She nodded her head toward the kitchen and closed the door behind the two of them.
Once all of the bags were put down, she gave her friend a good hug.
“I assume you know about Jake?” she asked. “Thank you, Fred.”
She was a little misty-eyed. Dinah was of the mindset that feeding someone was a way to show them you cared. It was why she kept cooking for her friends even though her cooking skills were seriously lacking. So, Fred’s armfuls of food was pretty much just the right thing for her friend to do for her.
----
Fred hugged Dinah in return once her arms were empty and she could feel things in them again. She gave the blond superheroine a good squeeze before stepping back to start putting it away.
“Jensen told me. Or he emailed me; it was a nice email, only I didn’t have a computer. I would have been here sooner if I had known.” There was no accusation; she was simply stating a fact. Without asking yet again, she started pulling doors open to see where she could put things.
“I’m sorry, Dinah. That he’s gone. It’s going to hurt, but you already know that.” All the bad for them snacks were set on the counter. “I’ve had people come and go here. It never really stops, but then you remember there are other people out there. Or here...in the City. And, you get up and keep going. One morning, you wake up, and it doesn’t hurt as much. It feels weird to realize it.” She hadn’t looked at Dinah this whole time.
“You feel guilty a little for it, and sort of happy. And you just keep getting up and going. They wouldn’t want you to not keep going after all.” She had actually bought some fruit that could handle her trek around the City, and those were set in a bowl she’d found. “Apples!”
----
“I hope you’re right,” Dinah told Fred. She didn’t point out that losing a child was different than losing anyone else. She had a feeling that Fred understood that on an intellectual level if nothing else.
She also didn’t point out that losing Jake here was different than knowing he’d gone home to die. It didn’t really do to wallow, and she’d already cried herself out lately. Trying to explain would just start that all over.
She knew that eventually it would get easier, but she just didn’t know when or how. She would survive this somehow, but right now it was difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
“So are you and Jensen talking again then?” she asked gently.
She felt bad for not checking up on Fred to see what had happened with the two of them. Life did go on, and she still wanted to know what was going on with her friends. She still wanted them to have happiness, and she wanted to be there for them if a breakup or something else painful was going on.
She absentmindedly helped herself to one of the apples.
----
“Yes. We’re talking again.” Fred smiled slightly. “It’s still a little awkward.” She shrugged, and turned to continue putting things away.
“I am right, but I’m not.” She peeked down into a cabinet, giving a soft hmph. “You have pots and pans. I don’t have this many pots and pans. Then again, Angel didn’t do much cooking, and neither do I. I’ve got just enough to get by.” She was steadily getting things up and out of the way.
“See, I can’t say when it’ll happen for you, and I can’t say that it’s like what I feel. Or have felt, but I do know that it’ll happen. It has to. Because if it didn’t...”She stopped and slowly turned round to look at Dinah. “If you didn’t let it happen, you’d be stuck. You really don’t seem like the type of person to get stuck. You wouldn’t be the woman I’ve come to know.” Fred turned back to the job at hand.
“Though, that’s not to say you can get stuck for a little while, so long as you remember that showers are your friends.” She was only softly teasing.
---
Dinah chuckled softly. She knew that she looked like hell. Dean had been quick to point that out every time he’d seen her lately. But the one thing she hadn’t given up was showering. There was nothing like getting lost in a nice hot shower for a little while. It didn’t help as much as it might with some things, but it was a comfort all the same. She stepped in and started to help Fred in putting things away. She would have told her that she didn’t need to, but she had a feeling it wouldn’t have gone over all that well.
Sometimes you had to let people help you really.
“I just need time,” she said with a shrug. “You’re right, I won’t be lost forever.”
She appreciated Fred’s confidence. She didn’t feel like the woman that Fred was referring to right now, but she hoped she’d find her way back to being that woman soon.
“I take it Jensen told you I stepped down from the League as well?” she asked.
Might as well get all potential elephants in the room out of the way after all.
“I’m sorry that things are still awkward between you two,” she said.
----
“Oh.” Fred paused. “He did.” She looked slowly over at Dinah. She turned finally and leaned back against the counter, her arms crossing about her middle. “I still don’t quite understand why.” She didn’t have all the facts.
“He doesn’t understand, or maybe he does. Don’t think he does.” She sighed softly. “Why did you? If you don’t mind my asking. Don’t understand why you’d ever give anything up.”
----
Dinah helped herself to one of the Little Debbie treats. This conversation required chocolate. She sighed heavily, not meeting Fred’s eye.
She wasn’t proud of quitting. She really wasn’t.
“I lost their confidence,” she said. “And they were right not to trust me. I haven’t been myself lately. Haven’t been thinking clearly. If I stayed with the Justice League-with the kinds of things we do and the decisions we have to make-someone would have ended up getting hurt.”
Her shoulders slumped.
----
“Why don’t they trust you?” Fred blinked. “Dinah, what’s really going on? Dean’s acting strange, not so much that he doesn’t come round when I say I have a job for him, but he doesn’t talk so much. Like he wants to ask something but doesn’t. Jensen weird, but I know why he’s weird, and I wish he’d stop being weird because frankly he doesn’t understand at all ,which I said already. You quit something I know means a lot to you, and while I could accept your stepping down for Jake, so that you could breathe a little. I just don’t get this confidence bullshit because you’re a very good person, who knows how to be a hero, and a leader. You’ve never made me question anything until now. And all the other times, but I question because I question not because I don’t have confidence in you.” She leaned heavily against the counter then sighed.
“Sorry, you don’t need anyone angry at you, but I really want to understand. You’re my friend, and I thought they were your friends. And what do we have if we don’t have our friends?” She finally settled, knowing that she actually had to be quiet to give Dinah a chance to talk.
-----
Dinah was smiling ever so slightly by the time Fred was finished. It was a strange reaction, especially to someone almost yelling at her, but she deeply appreciated how much Fred trusted her and her own abilities. Even when she didn’t trust herself.
“They are my friends. I’m just not... up to par lately. Not thinking clearly.”
She bit her lip, trying to figure out how much to share with Fred. She felt bad that Dean was acting strange around her and she could only guess that it might have something to do with Fred being excluded from the meeting about Eric.
“We had a meeting about what to do regarding Eric,” she admitted.
She wasn’t sure how much Fred should know about that. She trusted Fred, but Fred had been quick to doubt what had happened regarding Eric when Dinah had first told her. She hadn’t forgotten that. It had stung at the time, but afterward it had just made her wonder how much Fred should be in the loop when it came to discussing trying to take Eric out.
“Dean wanted to know why you weren’t there.” She winced apologetically. “I didn’t think it was my place to tell him.”
She’d felt bad about leaving Fred out of the meeting, but she didn’t think Fred should be involved for many reasons.
“They were just questioning some of my recent decisions,” Dinah said with a shrug. “Can’t say they were completely wrong to question me. I’ve been so afraid of losing anyone else that I wasn’t thinking strategies, I wasn’t thinking clearly period. And even before that...” she shrugged. “He came into my own shop and wiped the floor with me,” she practically whispered. “And I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop him.”
----
Fred just stared then sighed softly and shook her head. She pushed off the counter and claimed a snack cake. She didn’t open it right away, just looked at the cellophane wrapper. She poked at one of the cakes.
“Why is it pronounced ‘sell-o-fane” but spelled like ‘cello-o-pa-hane’?” She wasn’t changing the subject exactly; it was just how her brain worked sometimes. “English is weird.” She opened the bag quickly and pulled the cakes out to let them sit there without the wrapper.
“Did you use fire? Or holy water? Or a cross - though really those don’t work on all of them. Did you automatically become Superman? Did you become the Hulk? Do you know who the Hulk is? Big green, though I think he can be red, guy who smashes things.” She hadn’t looked at Dinah quite yet. “You think because he healed you, because he forced you, that you lost? Well, you did lose sort of, but you didn’t. He’s an old old vampire, with age comes power. I don’t think even Buffy would have a chance against him, and she was born to kill vampires. It’s her destiny.” Yes, Fred did roll her eyes at that last word.
“I can understand you being wary of losing people. I really can. Even questioning your own place as a leader. But, thinking that you’re unworthy of anything because an ancient critter ate your lunch? You wouldn’t last a minute where I’m from if that were the case. That happened all the time to me, and I’m just a plain ole human. You’re better than that, and anyone who thinks less of you needs a swift kick in the ass.” She poked at the unwrapped cake.
“I may be a liability because I refuse to think Eric should just die. I’m not built that way. There are people who are. Dean, maybe Sam. I also can’t say that I know the whole story. Just think there may be something more. Batman never killed Joker, at least not til recently. Joker hurt many people. We know he’s a crazy crazy man. Yet, because Eric’s a vampire he must die. Maybe you’re not even saying he should die, maybe you’re thinking of detaining him.” Fred looked up at Dinah, a hint of a smile. “Dean’s not the detaining type though, is he? There is always more to the story when the bad guy doesn’t just kill all possible adversaries right off. He can do it now, but he hasn’t. What is he waiting for?”
-----
A hurt expression crossed Dinah’s face at the insinuation that she wouldn’t last long in Fred’s world, but she didn’t argue.
“To be honest, I don’t know if killing Eric is the right thing either,” she said. “I’ve never believed in killing human criminals. Vampires are...” she shook her head slightly. “I don’t know. I haven’t met one with a soul or a trace of humanity, but you’re right-he left both of us alive and I don’t know why.”
She frowned.
“They think I’ve been compromised. Because I’ve had his blood.”
She sighed.
“It doesn’t matter, Fred. A person can’t lead if their team isn’t behind them. And I can’t... I can’t even think straight lately. Not because of Eric. Maybe a little because of that, but that’s not naerly all of it. I just need time to get back on track.”
----
“Well, that’s stupid if they think Eric’s blood...” Fred sighed again. “They’re just stupid.” Yes, it was a very grown up reaction, and she didn’t care. She pulled one of the cakes from the cardboard and savagely bit into it. She chewed slowly, in thought.
“You aren’t his thrall. It’s not like the Rice books. You’re not his. I mean, sure you’ve got the sex dreams, but those go away. You’re not under his spell.” She had her own reasons to be mad that anyone would think Eric was the one in control.
“I’m sorry. That...they’re stupid.” Her nose wrinkled, and she laughed softly. “I know they’re not exactly stupid, but right now I don’t think they’re all that bright either. It isn’t fair, but then, no one said life had to be fair, did they?”
----
Dinah might have appreciated Fred’s confidence more if the other female hadn’t also been getting Eric’s blood willingly. She shrugged helplessly.
“They’re doing the best they can with what they do know. I think they’re more concerned about my judgment because I’m grieving than they are about my connection to Eric.”
She sighed and helped herself to more chocolatey goodness.
“I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I’m just going to have to find my own way back to this. I don’t know how yet, but I’m hoping that all I need is a bit of time.”
----
“Mm. Grieving could be it.” Fred didn’t like any of this. She also didn’t fully believe Dinah, but then she hadn’t been present when Dinah discovered how the members felt. She didn’t know the full story, which was something she was getting a little tired of lately. Never getting the full story for someone so inquisitive was not at all fun.
“Not trying to push you. Just giving more than my two cents. Probably more like my two dollars.” She smiled at her friend, then sighed softly. “So, I was thinking, maybe you and I should go out. I never really went out with Angel and Cordelia, and Wesley and Charles. We’d got to Lorne’s, and Lorne is here, but we never really went out. Not that I was there with them that long. So, I thought maybe we could go out. We could invite Zatanna if you’d like. I understand if you don’t want to right now. I don’t mean right right now, but right now in the general time. Just soonish if you wanted.”
----
“I’m not ready yet, but I think a girls’ night out would be very nice,” Dinah said with a small smile.
She appreciated that Fred had let the subject drop and she really appreciated the attempts to get her out of the house. Going out didn’t sound appealing right now, but she hoped that it would soon. She knew that it would be good for her whenever she did.
“I promise not to get into Zee’s stash of fae wine this time,” she promised Fred. After all, the last girl’s night out had sort of failed because of her drunken antics.
----
“Or we could have that and just stay in. Though I don’t really know what fae wine is. You certainly looked like you were having a good time.” Fred gave her a weak smile, trying to be nice about the evening that had been very awkward for so many people and so many reasons. Her head tilted slightly before she popped most of the hoho in her mouth. It was certainly a gift. She even chewed without an snack cakey goodness escaping.
“Maybe watch a movie, eat some popcorn. Or we could help me find a new bedskirt. Think I need to have the apartment looked at. It hasn’t been the same since the storm. Smells sort of funny.” Her nose wrinkled, and she was beginning to think it was mold. Mold could be very very bad.
----
“How about shopping and a movie soon and going out once I’m feeling better?” Dinah offered.
She smiled a bit at the comment about the fae wine and slightly shook her head.
“Trust me, it’s better not to drink that unless you have someone to go home to,” she said, though she hoped that wasn’t too much information. There might have been a hint of sadness in there somewhere regarding her break-up, though she didn’t dwell on it.
She helped herself to another ho-ho and smiled at Fred.