The Amazon didn't move away, but she couldn't move closer. She was caught in the great land of indecision. The fact that he didn't understand why this was so hard...She hadn't even been allowed to say good bye. Wash was dead by the time she'd found him.
"I couldn't save you. I couldn't get you out. I had to leave you. I had to leave you behind. I didn't want to. I didn't want to leave. They were coming, and everyone was going to die. I..you..you wouldn't say anything. You just sat there, and you didn't say anything. You wouldn't wake up." Shaking hands had becoming shaking voice and body. "I'm sorry. I couldn't keep you safe."
They knew that their lives were dangerous, but Zoe had always prided herself on making sure Wash' injuries were kept at a minimum. The whole Niska mention only compounded how very lacking she'd been as a wife, not that she was going to roll up her sleeves and make him cookies, but she was good at being a soldier, at fighting; and, somehow, she'd failed him when he needed her most. Sure, she'd turned round and fought like a mad woman, and she'd fought everyday since. But, the one moment she was needed by the one person who would always be there for her every time she came back from hair brained mission, the one person who knew who she was when the lights went out, the one person who held her when she did cry...she'd failed him completely.