Spock (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} i_diftor) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} we_coexist,@ 2011-03-01 23:19:00 |
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In the Time of Awakening, the philosopher, Surak, came out of the desert and brought change to all of Vulcan. He proposed a life of logic as a means for ending the brutal warring between the clans. He offered a means for uniting the people of the planet as one. He was a force of reason against hatred and violence and brutality. But peace could not exist without a final battle. There was a group who opposed the teachings of Surak. Surak referred to these lost souls as those who marched beneath the raptor's wings. The last war on Vulcan was fought between the followers of Surak and the opposition. In the end, the opposition fled the planet, colonizing another, light years away, and continuing the emotion-driven life that the rest of Vulcan vowed to keep in their past.
Spock, being half-human, understood what it must have been like for those dissidents. The struggle for control of one's own emotions was difficult enough, but when in the company of others who were driven by feelings, it was nearly impossible. The more time he spent on the Enterprise, the more he could feel himself losing his logic. What worried him was that it was almost a relief. He felt as though he had been burdened by the hardships of his ancestors. And he had two competing set of ancestors to be burdened with.
The path of his father's people was one of peace and control. The path of his mother's people was one of curiosity and the thirst for knowledge. His training on his home planet taught him to submerge his desires to follow his human path, that, in the end, it would only cause him pain and suffering. But where was he now? An adult. A man of two worlds. And having chosen the Vulcan side, he was still experiencing pain and suffering.
He needed balance.
Religion on Vulcan was a complicated topic. In present day Vulcan society, they were more a people of spirituality and tradition than they were of their ancient polytheistic beliefs. The one thing that held true over the years was the katra, the individual consciousness, which all Vulcans believed strongly in.
Spock's katra was in agony.
He didn't know what had drawn him to that small church in the City proper. He didn't know its story, that it had been under construction by a Shepherd named Book, who had also made his home among the stars. Spock only knew that it seemed a peaceful place. A place where he might be able to collect his thoughts and find some answers.
But as he sat in the simple pew of the unfinished place of worship, looking more like one of the devil's own children than a pious pupil seeking guidance, Spock find himself coming up with more questions than answers. More worries than comforts. He sighed. He could not commit himself completely to Surak. Nor could he commit completely to his humanity. But he did not want to become one of those, the ones that fled their planet (their people, their families) for fear of change.
Spock wanted to know who he was supposed to be. As impossible as that was.