i_seekgod Not for work, hopefully. (Didi)
Jesse had managed to stay drunk for several days. Not even a small break in the haze. He'd be proud of himself later, when he could remember what was going on. The talk with House was now a hazy dream-like memory. He could sort of recall what had gone on.
Which was why he was drinking more now.
Trying to forget.
He hadn't seen Max in a few days. Hadn't answered her emails. Except once. To tell her to not come over until he sent a message. Why she'd decided to listen to him now was beyond him, but he was glad of it. She really didn't need to see him like this.
Currently, he sat on the couch, bottle in hand, staring at a blank television.
The voices had tried to intervene, but he'd just had more to drink and they'd faded off into the darkness. Jesse was pretty sure that Genesis had never been this drunk, and that The Duke had no desire to watch him in this state.
It was a good kind of quiet.
From: i_amjustme Date: 04/18/2006 12:45:30
"You know," came a light voice from just behind him. "It's not good to drink quite that much. It tends to attract my attention."
It had been some time since Death had seen Jesse. She hadn't been avioding him, per se. Just busy. Even with helpers now. Other versions of herself.
From: i_seekgod Date: 04/18/2006 12:48:59
Jesse's head rolled back to see who was talking to him. He smiled at her crookedly.
"You know. When you have breakfast with a guy, you should inform him that when nine o clock comes, that you're going to be dead. So that he's not stuck in a group of people with a corpse and everybody wondering what the hell happened."
He held the bottle to her and then took a long, deep swallow of it.
"It's trauma, you know."
From: i_amjustme Date: 04/18/2006 13:00:07
Didi shrugged, her usual smile lingering on her lips. "I told you I only had a day, Jesse. Twenty-four hours. I don't deal with bodies, just souls."
She slid the bottle out of his hand and took a long swig of her own. It burned nicely on the way down, though the burn was gone in an instant. Her body wasn't physical anymore, just an interpretation of an idea. But it was nice while it lasted.
"Nice place. Why the sudden interest in the bottoms of bottles and the best way to see them?"
From: i_seekgod Date: 04/18/2006 13:02:15
He frowned a little at the taking of the bottle. His hand felt too light without it.
"Yes, but you could have said something about it. I had this idea that you'd just go back to black and white, you know? No more color."
Not that she'd die. Even though she wasn't actually dead, it had still been quite traumatizing to see a good friend die in front of him for no apparent reason.
"I." He wiggled a finger at her. "Just found out a secret."
From: i_amjustme Date: 04/18/2006 13:05:04
"I wasn't aware of it. All I know is that I stop being there, I stop being Didi, and I find myself again." She slid over the top of the sofa and plopped down beside him. "I'm sorry if it upset you."
At his finger-wiggle and the accompanying words, Death raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I like secrets. I know a lot of those, too."
From: i_seekgod Date: 04/18/2006 13:07:12
"It did upset me. It took a while to ... even things out in my brain. Understand that you weren't really dead."
Jesse took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"My secret is... well. Disturbing. I don't think you know my secret. OH! Ha. I have a fan. That's how I know my secret."
From: i_amjustme Date: 04/18/2006 13:16:00
Death smiled, and there was a trace of the girl he'd called Didi in there. "I'm sorry, Jesse. I should have come and found you sooner."
She leaned against her hand, elbow on her knee, and took another drink from the bottle, mostly to drain it so he wouldn't have anymore, but also to feel that sharp and pleasant burn, and see if it could affect her.
"I know disturbing. Believe me. I'm not worried." And she laughed lightly. "I think you have more than one. At least."
From: i_seekgod Date: 04/18/2006 13:17:16
"But this one ..."
This one had caused him to be drunk for so long. Cause he just couldn't cope with it. And wasn't sure he wanted to try.
"Didi." He sat up, ran his hands through his hair and shook his head. "I'm a fucking comic book character."
From: i_amjustme Date: 04/18/2006 13:18:25
Death tilted her head at him, blinking lightly. "So am I. What's wrong with that?"
From: i_seekgod Date: 04/18/2006 13:20:58
He frowned a lot. Jesse pushed himself off the couch and stared at her.
"You knew? You knew and you didn't tell me?"
Why wasn't she upset about this? Why hadn't she said anything about it, if it wasn't such a big deal?
From: i_amjustme Date: 04/18/2006 13:23:41
She frowned at his consternation. "Why would I tell you? It wasn't in your world, it was another. It's not my place to divulge the secrets or mysteries of the multiverse."
From: i_seekgod Date: 04/18/2006 13:25:49
Maybe it was the alcohol, but Jesse felt like stamping his foot and throwing a fit.
"I don't know, maybe because I wouldn't be so freaked out about it now, if it hadn't been some random stranger to inform me that he's a big fan of my books? Didi, all my memories are somebody else's writing. Everything I felt is because somebody wanted me to feel that way."
From: i_amjustme Date: 04/18/2006 13:29:00
"No, no, no," she said, shaking her head. "No, Jesse. You have it wrong." She stood, and put a hand on his arm. "You exist because you were born of your mother. Your memories are yours because of the life you've lead. Everything you've felt is because that was how your heart reacted. No one else could do that to you."
Death waited a moment, to see if he would calm down. Or at least listen to her words.
From: i_seekgod Date: 04/18/2006 13:29:59
He made a face at her.
"And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
From: i_amjustme Date: 04/18/2006 13:35:37
Death was patient. "It means, Jesse Custer, that on a world quite seperate from your own, there was a certain dreamer named Garth Ennis. Dreams are powerful things, as my brother would attest. Certain dreamers are able to find the Paths through the Dreaming, and see other worlds. But human brains are so delicate, and so frail, that these journeys are barely remembered. They are dismissed as dreams, as images, and as stories. Strong dreamers are often writers or artists. They do not create, they simply report, and are barely aware that what they call creativity is really memory."
From: i_seekgod Date: 04/18/2006 13:37:25
"So. I'm not the figment of some guy's imagination."
It was hard to believe and hard to take in all at the same time.
Jesse decided that he didn't like learning so much about himself.
From: i_amjustme Date: 04/18/2006 13:41:42
She smiled again, and chuckled very lightly. "No. You're not. You are everything you always thought you were."
Death sat down again. "There are many worlds, Jesse. Infinate. I've seen them created, I've seen them die. I've seen yours, Maxine's, even Kojak's. My siblings and I are, for the most part, the only constant. And there have been stories and tales written about us for time out of mind. Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot. But just because it's a story, doesn't mean it isn't true. Somewhere."
From: i_seekgod Date: 04/19/2006 15:47:03
Jesse sat down too.
He wasn't sure how to take all of this. So everything in his life was both something somebody had written about and something he'd actually gone through. Good and bad, he supposed.
Any way he looked at it, it was just really hard to come to terms with.
"I think I need to sleep off the booze."
He slid backwards against the couch until he was pretty much laying down.
"Thinking about this would work better with a clear head."
Jesse's body was already agreeing and following up on the sentiment. His eyes were closing and his muscles relaxing.