I Moderate (i_moderate) wrote in we_archive, @ 2006-02-11 01:50:00 |
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Entry tags: | lusiphur malache |
i_havetantrums Somewhere Over the Rainbow [ Narrative ]
Luse's field of vision was limited to that of a grinning skeletal jester, their faces only inches apart. "WAKEY, WAKEY! EGGS AND BAKEY!"
Lusiphur's eyebrows knitted into a glare. "Par..."
"HEY BUDDY! LONG TIME NO SEE."
"Par..."
"Hey, that redhead from the guild was pretty cute."
Luse pushed the imp a couple steps back from him. The two met occasionally when Luse either slept or happened to be knocked unconscious. Around them was a void, an absence of dream or thought which Par had shaped himself.
"What do you mean was?"
"OH, you know... nothing but the usual trouble you get into--"
"Par?"
"--I mean, really, it's not as bad as Widowmaker--"
"Paaaarrr?" Luse's lips formed a nasty smile expressing his annoyance with the self proclaimed Eve.
"--or your ex-girlfriend Beth, heh heh. Remember her? I'm sure you do. You shot her in the head--"
"PAR."
Parnichin continued to ignore his host and twiddled his thumbs, "I could think of PLENTY of situations which could be worse than the one you're in now. I mean, hey! REMEMBER YOUR EX-WIFE?--"
Which, at the mention of Hyena, Luse quickly lost his remaining patience. It took him approximately two seconds to unholster his gun and shoot a hole the size of a baseball through the imp's gut with five consecutive rounds.
"This was my favorite shirt," Par looked down at himself and sniffled insincerely.
Lusiphur glared impatiently and crossed his arms over his chest.
"OKAY, OKAY. Look, uh, how to tell you this," Parnintachin eyed Luse's gun nervously, "You're not in Kansas anymore?"
A blank look: "What's a Kansas?"
Getting no where quickly, the hole in the imp was covered by a brand new black suit. Par straightened his tie importantly, clearing his throat more than a few times as Lusiphur tapped his foot.
"You've been transported to some other strange dimension which isn't Sanctuary which as far as I can tell no one back in Madartha is responsible for and is probably the result of some whack job higher power or super hero with spandex riding too high up his ass or there's been a hole in the space-time continuum or possibly the anti-christ has gas."
The two stared blankly at one another.
Par clarified: "There wasn't one word after 'Madartha' that made any sense to you, was there?"
"Nope," Lusiphur paused thoughtfully. "But it still has beer, right?"
"Yep."
The elf sighed, relieved. "You know, you almost had me going. For a second I almost believed you about the weird ass dimension thing with the way you go on..."
"Uh, Luse....?"
"Crow," Luse grinned to himself as he rolled a cigarette.
"Luuuuuuuuse?"
"Can I go back to dreaming now?"
"LUSE, I WAS TELLING IT STRAIGHT, MAN. YOU'RE ABOUT TO WAKE UP. This is important, and you gottah listen! They don't have elves here! And the technology is quite a bit more advanced and you're going to find people who can match you, maybe even best you, so lay low until I figure this shit out, man. AND DON'T GO FRIGGIN' SHOOTING PEOPLE! ...Luse? Luse!? Damnit! There's a lot more... oh... shit... DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID... Crow.. get himself killed... asshole..."
Lusiphur woke up slumped in an alley within the city. Upon noticing the paved roads, blue metal dumpsters and an automobile that rushed rush by with a broken muffler, Lusiphur blinked and stared for what felt like hours.
".............Crow."
The rogue stood slowly as if testing the gravity on this world. Quietly he rolled himself a cigarette and sauntered out onto the sidewalk to find a seedy bar. He had at least 20 crowns on him. What could possibly go wrong?