InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "i'm all wet, can i come in?"

Rebekah Salvatore finally found love (hasherwhims) wrote in wariscomingcom,
@ 2014-10-13 13:33:00

Entry tags:

davina claire, henrik mikaelson, jesse hauptman, katherine pierce, kol mikaelson, lois lane, marcel gerard, rebekah salvatore, rose tyler, rosemarie, scott mccall, stefan salvatore

Filtered to friends/select family*
[ooc: *select family meaning not Damon, Klaus or Caroline this time. Forward dated a bit, posted at just after 3pm Lawrence time]

So things have been difficult lately. Therapy is helping me understand a lot of things, about myself. I'm still figuring a lot of it out though, and I seem to keep coming back to this same point, over and over again. A good man once told me that the reason I don't find love is because I don't deserve it, and deep down, I couldn't disagree with that.

I'm not a good person. It's been suggested around here that I'm faking being one to gain popularity here and that was never my intention. So I figure I should be brutally honest about who and what I am.

I am vicious at times, I can be cruel. I've said in the past that I get my temper from my father and that's true. It's not the impulsive rage that my brothers can show, it's calculated and ruthless. I've killed a lot of people and I don't view human life in the way a human would. Since being here I made a promise to not kill anyone and I've stuck to that, but that doesn't change the way I am, what my nature is. I am stubborn as hell, I rarely forgive wrongs done against me and I never forget. I am very often a bitch to people I dislike.

I guess what it comes down to is I don't know why you guys like me. Maybe you won't any more, now that I've said all that. I don't understand why the brothers who talk to me love me with more than just some family obligation. I don't understand why Stefan married me, why he loves me so much. I don't understand why I have friends. I don't feel like I deserve it. Any of it.

So yeah, therapy is encouraging me to be more open about how I feel so there it is. I don't even know why I'm saying all of it, I guess I just figure that because you're people I care about, you should know that, and know the truth about what I am and all stuff like that. So there it all is.

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Rebekah

vagueambition
2014-10-13 01:06 pm UTC (link)

I haven't known you all that long. But you are the one who so stubbornly insisted we are friends. And despite lengthy conversations about you being stubborn, and a bitch I think it was, I do not see any of what you've just said. I understand a little of what it is like to be so at war with yourself. I doubt that is a secret, at any rate. But I don't like to see it in someone like you.

I do not remember half of what I talked about that day when you were working and I was drinking. I rarely do. But I remember that you listened whilst I drew that ridiculous picture of you and talked what I can only assume was absurde. I am acutely aware that it takes immeasurable patience to put up with me sober, let alone drunk. It has been a long time since anyone has had to do both, and you have.

You made me want to tell you the name of a person I can not even speak about. I do not think I can quite describe the significance of that, or if that will mean anything to you.

It seems even now I can not say what I want without too many words. Enjolras was always the one best at speeches, anyway. But know what I know of you is good. And caring. And infinitely understanding, Rebekah.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Grantaire

hasherwhims
2014-10-13 06:48 pm UTC (link)

We are friends, at least I hope we are. There are a lot of people who would argue that I should be at war with myself. And they might actually be right, I've done a lot of terrible things.

I do remember that night, actually. And the picture was amazing and the talking was good. A little on the rambling side, but entertaining anyway. You're a good guy, Grantaire. It really doesn't take that much patience.

And if you ever do want to talk about her, I'll listen. I know what it's like to lose love, and how hard it is to talk about it.

Thank you. For saying all of that, it was just the right amount of words. Made me a little bit teary, but in a good way.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Rebekah -

vagueambition, 2014-10-14 02:02 am UTC

Grantaire -

hasherwhims, 2014-10-14 10:57 am UTC

Rebekah -

vagueambition, 2014-10-14 10:59 am UTC

Grantaire -

hasherwhims, 2014-10-14 12:52 pm UTC

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vagueambition, 2014-10-14 12:59 pm UTC

Grantaire -

hasherwhims, 2014-10-14 11:49 pm UTC

Rebekah -

vagueambition, 2014-10-15 01:46 am UTC

Grantaire -

hasherwhims, 2014-10-15 09:33 am UTC

Rebekah -

vagueambition, 2014-10-15 09:39 am UTC

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hasherwhims, 2014-10-15 10:26 am UTC

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vagueambition, 2014-10-15 10:29 am UTC

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hasherwhims, 2014-10-15 11:24 am UTC

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vagueambition, 2014-10-15 11:27 am UTC

Grantaire -

hasherwhims, 2014-10-15 09:46 pm UTC

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vagueambition, 2014-10-15 10:14 pm UTC

Grantaire -

hasherwhims, 2014-10-15 10:49 pm UTC

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vagueambition, 2014-10-15 11:00 pm UTC

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hasherwhims, 2014-10-15 11:11 pm UTC

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vagueambition, 2014-10-15 11:16 pm UTC

Grantaire -

hasherwhims, 2014-10-15 11:34 pm UTC

Rebekah -

vagueambition, 2014-10-16 02:10 am UTC

Grantaire -

hasherwhims, 2014-10-16 04:55 pm UTC

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vagueambition, 2014-10-16 10:16 pm UTC

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hasherwhims, 2014-10-16 11:09 pm UTC

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vagueambition, 2014-10-16 11:14 pm UTC

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hasherwhims, 2014-10-16 11:15 pm UTC

Rebekah -

vagueambition, 2014-10-16 11:29 pm UTC

Grantaire -

hasherwhims, 2014-10-17 08:11 am UTC

Rebekah -

vagueambition, 2014-10-17 08:21 am UTC

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hasherwhims, 2014-10-17 09:37 am UTC

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vagueambition, 2014-10-17 09:39 am UTC

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hasherwhims, 2014-10-17 09:40 am UTC

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vagueambition, 2014-10-17 09:42 am UTC

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hasherwhims, 2014-10-17 09:45 am UTC

Rebekah -

vagueambition, 2014-10-17 09:46 am UTC

itchtokill
2014-10-13 02:40 pm UTC (link)

Family obligation doesn't play into it at all. You're there for me, every single time I need you, even if you're falling apart and can't handle what I'm putting on you, you do it anyway and I can't really put into words what that actually means to me. You've always been the one I can count on, no matter how insane everything else is.

And okay, maybe you're a bitch sometimes and maybe you can be flighty at times, but honestly that's just one piece of who you are, sister. You care so deeply and so much that you fall headfirst into any relationship or friendship you have and that's why you end up hurt the way you do. Because you just care too much. Not about what other people think or say about you, but about people, in general. Or at least the ones in your circle.

I love you, Rebekah, because you're my sister and because you deserve it.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

hasherwhims
2014-10-13 06:52 pm UTC (link)

~~But the time it really mattered, I wasn't there~~ Well, I love you. And I just want you to be happy because you deserve to be. We may fight like crazy sometimes, and you know how to really drive me mad when you want, but I know you'll be there for me, whenever I need. And you're not afraid to tell me when I am being a dumb bitch.

I tried the not caring thing, it didn't really go so well. I just worry that people think I'm faking it here. That I'm doing it to be popular. And I'm not, I'm really not. But considering all the things I've done in the thousand years, do I really deserve all this?