Mara Jade (greeneyedlady) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2015-07-19 15:27:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | ben skywalker, mara jade skywalker |
Who: Ben Skywalker & Mara Jade Skywalker
When: June (before the earthquake) Way Backdated
Where: Their apartment at Sanctuary (yes, backdated).
What: Ben finally tells Mara her fate
Rating: PG for discussions of death, Dark Side stuff, all the usual things that happen when Skywalkers and/or Solos get together
Status: Complete.
Ben had been putting off an entire conversation with his mother and every time he thought he was going to do it, he decided against it. After all, whatever Jacen seemed to be doing now, and however much Ben didn't trust him - and he really didn't - Jacen didn't seem to be trying to do anything to his mother, or even to bother her at all. And that meant that the rather unpleasant conversation of who Jacen Solo became in the future became less immediate. But it also felt unfair, and Ben was pretty certain that his mother would want to know. After all, he knew his mom and he knew she liked having information and being able to lay everything out and get it straight, and keeping information from her, even under the guise of 'she could look it up and it wasn't really keeping it from her' ultimately wasn't that helpful. Right now he brought a cup of caf - no coffee, he would get used to that switch - in and handed it over to his mom with a grin. "You know, Dad tried to convince me serving caf in a tapcaf on Coruscant would be an awesome career move, but this was right after I'd completely shown him up using my keen powers of observation." Mara knew that there was something Ben wasn’t telling her. She’d known from the moment he’d shown up on her doorstep. As difficult as it was though she hadn’t pushed. He’d tell her when he was ready and it appeared as if he was finally ready to talk about whatever it was. She took the coffee from him and smiled as he mentioned his father. “What did you do?” she asked, taking a sip of coffee. “I would have liked to have seen that.” "What do you think?" Ben shook his head at his mom and settled into a chair across from her. "Pretty much I just gave him smart ass comments, but it was kind of well-deserved. He was being protective and ignoring the amazing skills that I have." That wasn’t the entire story, of course, but Ben was getting used to talking in sort of half-bits and pieces about what the future held. He supposed that he was going to be changing that a little bit today and part of him wasn't even certain that he wanted to. Why mess with the future when it didn't seem to be a problem here? But the reality was that it could be a problem, and whatever Jacen was or was not doing currently didn't mean his future actions would be the same. And while Ben might have been able to protect his mom here, he certainly hadn't been able to at home, and she would do better if she had some knowledge to arm herself with. Didn't everyone? "So yeah, I - have you looked at the books with us in them at all?" “Your father loves you and he kind of has a thing about being overprotective. I’ve certainly experienced that myself,” she took a sip of coffee and looked at her son. It still felt strange to see a young man sitting there and not the little boy she remembered from home but she wouldn’t trade a moment of their time together here. She was getting to know him in a new way and she knew that was a very precious gift. “I looked at a couple, ones that take place right after the war, the time just after I was brought here. I haven’t gotten very far though. Mostly I just paged through the first one, I haven’t actually read it.” She looked at Ben, searching his face. “I do know enough from things that you’ve said or more precisely..haven’t said and things on the network that something happens with Jacen. The two of you were close but it’s clear that didn’t continue. He seems different to me too although I can’t put my finger on it but the sense of him, it’s not the same. Like I didn’t even sense him at all when I arrived and I should have been able to.” Ben shrugged. "He wouldn't be dad if he wasn't a bit." His mom had the occasional stroke of this as well, but usually she was more reasonable with what she would allow him to do. She'd been on his side before everything had started falling apart. Maybe he should have listened to his Dad a bit more there… on the other hand it might not have changed things. It was impossible to really tell what would have changed what. Ben himself hadn't read the books - it seemed pointless to read something he'd lived through - although sometimes he wondered if he'd be able to understand more in hindsight, and if reading the story unfold in some other way would give him some insight into Jacen now, and what Jacen might be likely to do here. It had the potential to be valuable and maybe he really should sit down and reconsider it. But his mom, and she was stunningly good at this, managed to get right to the crux of the matter. Or maybe he simply wasn't trying to keep his feelings hidden from her here. He pulled on the last comment, the easiest one to unravel. "It's a technique in the Force, a stealth technique," Ben explained. "I can do it too. It's the ability to pretty much close in on yourself so you erase your presence in the Force. I suspect it's second nature for Jacen to do it at this point. He'd gotten really good at it the last time I saw him. "You're not wrong though," Ben added, more quietly and seriously than he'd said anything thus far. Mara considered his words, it sounded like a rather interesting technique to have even if it did seem like something the Sith would employ. “That’s quite a talent and you’re right, I had no idea at all that he was here until he contacted me. By the way don’t ever try that with me, I’m your mother, we have mother Jedi radar, I’d find you.” She smiled but underneath she was dreaded his next words. “Just tell me, Ben,” she said. “I’d rather just hear it and deal with it than talk about things that aren’t important until you get up the courage to say it. I know it’s bad, I can sense that so just tell me.” "I wouldn't dream of it," Ben smirked. Although the reality was that he knew the technique and could use it, and if he needed to do so he probably would and only feel a tiny bit guilty about doing so. He had been given the opportunity to become a Jedi in the past few years, and the experiences he'd had were so different from what his mother or his father had been granted. He might not agree with either parent one hundred percent on everything, but he no longer the need to rebel for simple rebellion's sake or to please them completely -- although if he were being true to himself he did want his mom to be proud of him. "Jacen becomes a Sith," the words came out more bluntly than he'd intended but he was tired of not saying it. "In your future. In my past. As best I can tell he's here from then, only he's not a Sith here… at least I don't think he is." She sat quietly for a moment, thinking about the young man she remembered. Jacen had always been questioning, Luke had told her of some of their discussions, some of the things Jacen believed in, so in many ways this news was not surprising. Troubling yes, but surprising, no. “I can’t say I’m completely surprised to hear that,” she finally said. “He was never content with the Jedi path, he always believed it could be more, his views were very different from your father’s, from his own siblings as well. Jacen was constantly searching for…..something. The Dark Side, the Sith, it can be very compelling, especially to someone who has doubts about their path.” Mara took a sip of her coffee before she went on, she was rapidly beginning to put the pieces of the puzzle together and she didn’t like what they were adding up to but they did answer some questions that she’d had since Ben’s arrival. Putting down her cup, she looked up at her son. “You were surprised to see me when you got here, I could tell that and you’ve said just enough to make me wonder. I’m dead where you come from, aren’t I?” It didn’t bother her to say it, Mara knew they’d all die one day but it did hurt to know she’d be missing so much of Ben’s life. “Jacen has something to do with that? Is that it?” "You know, I can be pretty good at hiding things from you. Or I used to be," Ben sighed, but there was no real animosity behind the sigh. Those times had been difficult enough and there was a lot he regretted about how much he'd cut his parents out. Perhaps if he'd invited them in sooner, perhaps if he'd invited both of them, not just his mom, perhaps everything would have been different. But the type of deep regret he might feel about this wasn't worth dwelling on -- if anything it was dangerous to dwell on. "For a long time I didn't want to use the Force," he told his mom. "It was painful - so much death and destruction in the galaxy, and there was Abeloth when we were in the Maw… and that's a whole other topic for another time. Jacen was - is - the first person who understood that and who helped me see that the Force could be something more than pain. He was my Master, and I was his apprentice, and it took me a long time to see what was happening clearly. When I did, things got messy. It had been a while since I saw you when I showed up. I - didn't really know how to tell you. Or even if I should." “I never agreed with the way Jacen saw the Force,” she said. “I don’t believe that anyone ever truly understands it and there are a lot of gray areas which I wouldn’t have thought when I was younger. Even though I worked for the Emperor I never thought that I was walking on the Dark Side. I never let myself give in to that.” Mara paused, trying to gather her thoughts, wondering what she should say. She was angry at Jacen for pulling Ben down a dangerous path, and angry at herself for not being able to stop him. “How did it happen? I need to know that, Ben. Why did he do it? I mean other than just wanting to get me out of the way. Why go after me and not your father? He’s far stronger in the Force than I could ever be.” Ben reached for his cup of coffee and took a big sip of it as he ignored the urge to defend his cousin. It was a urge he hadn't expected and he wondered where it had come from because mostly he wanted to shake his cousin a good portion of the time, but right now he needed to figure out what to tell his mom. Both about what he'd figured out about the Jacen at home and the Jacen here... And what he hadn't. Both things mattered now. And there had been Vestara… he took another sip of coffee. Ben thought back to the way his Father had been devastated when his mother had died. "I tried to figure that out for a long time, but I think the answer was obvious. Dad drew a lot of strength from you, because of how much he loves you." The words came to a sharp point and Ben couldn't push forward for a minute. "I don't know if Jacen would have beaten Dad or not. But he didn't have to if he could distract him from what was happening." Ben raised his hand to his hair and ran his fingers through it, sticking ends up haphazardly in the meantime. "He's been here for a long time, you know? Like years. I hadn't really realized how long until I started talking to him about it. He's different than he was at home. I don't know if he's safe. But he's different… I wasn't sure if I should tell you because - this isn't home. But he still has all that knowledge. He could still be dangerous." He shuffled his feet uncomfortably under the table. "I just don't want you hurt here because I didn't tell you something. I also don't want you hurt because I did tell you something. Basically? I just don't want you hurt." She reached out and took one of his hands in hers. “I’m glad you told me. I needed to know. It’s the whole sacrifice thing isn’t it? Just as you have to know sacrifice to become a Jedi, it’s the same for the Sith. You’re right, I don’t know if Jacen could have beaten your father either, what he chose to do was smart. The bond your father and I have is unique, I don’t even know how to explain it really but we’re two halves of a whole. I feel like part of me is missing here without him,” she paused for a moment, trying to control her emotions. Dropping Ben’s hand, she sat back against the couch and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. Finally she opened them and looked at her son. “I haven’t seen much of Jacen since I’ve been here, probably by design on his part since he wouldn’t know if you’d told me or not but the times I’ve talked to him, I can tell that he’s different. He’s been here a long time and life here is not anything like life in our galaxy.” She took a deep breath. “but..thank you. I know this must have been very difficult for you to do but I needed to know. I’m not sure that I’ll ever be able to completely trust Jacen now but I can at least give him the benefit of the doubt and try to get to know the person he is now.” Mara picked up her coffee and took a sip. For a moment she held the cup, saying nothing, just looking down into it and then back at Ben. “You and your father are the most precious things in all the galaxies to me. I’m sorry that I had to leave you so much earlier than I’d planned although I suppose I didn’t really get a choice, did I? I hope that even though I was gone that both of you always knew that I loved you, that wherever I went after I….died...that I would have found a way to watch after you both. I know that much about myself.” Ben laughed, although it came out slightly choked. "Yeah. I mean, we saw you later in this lake. Dad was being an idiot about just wanting to go be where you were, and you pretty much told him to snap out of it. So you did. I mean, you will. Whatever." Sass and snappy retorts were usually Ben's thing. He didn't do so well with emotional anything, but he'd gotten a bit better. Maybe all that one on one time with his Dad - he'd learned something from it. Because while he hadn't always understood his father as a kid he'd come to understand him much better in more recent years. Having to work with him to solve things had pretty much guaranteed that. He sat his cup down on the coffee table and turned to wrap his arms around his mom. "I think I was pretty lucky to have you around showing me how to survive crazy situations," he said more evenly than he felt. “Even as a ghost, I sassed your father. Some things never change,” she said and hugged Ben tightly when he wrapped his arms around her. “I love you so much, Ben Skywalker but I’m the lucky one. Getting to see you now...this place may not be home but this time with you, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” Mara didn’t want to say what she was thinking, that she wouldn’t be around to see him at this age back home but it didn’t matter. What mattered was now and right now, they were here. Together. |