He was going to respond when she kissed him again and he actually forgot what he was going to say, instead moving his hand to tangle his fingers in her hair as he kissed her back. It was probably a really bad idea to do this, but he didn’t want to think about that, not when this kiss was just as good as the ones they had shared last weekend. He didn’t really want it to end if he could help it.
Eventually he had to catch his breath so he pulled away from the kiss. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” he admitted quietly, shutting his eyes. “I just didn’t know if I should, if you would want to.” She could still say it was a bad idea, that it shouldn’t have happened, that this was a huge mistake, but he needed to tell her that. She had every right to know.
This kiss was a little different from the several they'd shared last weekend, but it wasn't a bad difference. Last Friday night, he actions had been fueled by a reckless, uncontrollable passion. Those emotions had come from a darker place. It wasn't the same as the old darkness she used to get from the bond, but it had a similar feel - dark and primal. This embrace, though, was filled with a kind of warmth and light that took her by surprise. Rose had spent the last week trying to tell herself that sleeping with him had just been a fluke, some kind of temporary insanity caused by the seal. It wasn't because she didn't think she was attractive or because she hadn't enjoyed it. It was kind of the opposite. But her love for Dimitri still burned within her so strongly that she told herself she couldn't have feelings for someone else. Suddenly, that argument became a lot less convincing, though, because there was no darkness, no weird magic whatever fueling this kiss.
With that realization came a heavy guilt that almost felt like a physical pressure on her chest. His words as they kiss ended only made it worse and Rose closed her own eyes as she tried to sort through her own feelings, which were complicated at best.
"This is such a bad idea," she whispered, more to herself than to him. Lissa was right. She was selfish, because a big part of her wanted to ignore that feeling of guilt and all of the potential consequences and just kiss him again. The problem was that she was pretty sure that was the wrong thing to do. No matter how good kissing him felt, she had a feeling that if she let this go any further between them, she was only going to end up hurting him the way she had Adrian.
He had kind of figured she’d think it was a mistake. It probably had been, to be honest. But this time...there was no Seal stuff behind that. She had kissed him because she wanted to. Maybe it would make a difference at some point, maybe not, but this time there wasn’t anything else pushing them into doing this. So maybe one day, if circumstances changed, maybe things could actually go somewhere. Just...not now.
“Then we should stop,” he said, knowing that it was probably the best idea. Reluctantly he moved his hand away from her. “I know you care about Dimitri. I know you want him back and I know that...I know I’m not him. So for right now, maybe we should try not to do anything. It’ll be easier for both of us.”
He was right. Rose knew he was right. It's what she'd been saying. So why did she hate the idea of stopping so much. "It's not that I don't want to," she began, but that wasn't important. What was important was that no matter what she wanted, this wasn't something she should be doing and not just because no matter what Regina said, it felt like she was cheating on Dimitri.
"You're not... a substitute for him," she tried to explain, because when he said what he did she wondered if he thought that. "That's not what this is-" Rose signed and wondered when things had gotten so complicated. "I just- I can't promise that if he comes back, I wouldn't go running back to him and you deserve so much better than that."