"I didn't think that," Coulson said, giving Ward a sideways glance. "I never thought that." He'd been angry, sure. Few people weren't when they were deceived and betrayed, but he'd never assumed that Ward was a cackling HYDRA maniac. Even if most of what he'd seen had been a lie, he had told himself that Ward was better than that, better than to hurt any of them. It had only been after Fury had brought back Fitz and Simmons that that idea had been temporarily wiped from his mind and rage had taken over. Rage, mingled with desperation and confusion, and heartache. Because he'd lost so much in those moments, his life, his career, his best friend, that losing someone he'd thought of as family had been more than he could taken and still remain levelheaded.
And still, as much as it had been a lie, there was something in the whole thing that prodded at Coulson, "You didn't have to try very hard to make yourself into that person, though, did you?" He asked. Coulson had been an agent for a very long time. Even if he wasn't one and never had been, he knew how the best undercover operatives, the ones who excelled at espionage without even blinking an eye, operated. There was a little bit of truth in every cover. But here, Coulson honestly had to wonder exactly where the cover had stopped, and Ward had began. Or if there had never even been that much differentiation to begin with. "It isn't a weakness," Coulson asserted quietly. "Caring is a strength, Ward. I can drive you to do things that you never would have been able to before, that you never would have even thought about doing," He said, allowing that to settle before a quietly sympathetic look passed over his features. "Would you have even done half the stuff you did for John if you hadn't cared about him?"
It was a painful question, and it was even more painful to think about that this had all been because of him being revived, because John hadn't had the clearance to know about what had happened, and that he'd decided to use the most extreme way to find out. "You know the stupidest thing about all of this is that once we found out, if John had just asked, I would have told him," Coulson said, folding his hands in his lap and looking down at them. It had been a shock to him, horrifying, to realize exactly what had brought him back to life. But he wouldn't have even considered not sharing that with someone he'd considered a friend. "I wouldn't have even thought twice about it. He didn't need to send in a spy to information gather, to force the issue. All he would have had to have done is waited and shown up once the information came to light."
Not that any of that mattered anymore, but it was one of a multitude of things that Coulson had to get out of his head. "When I was sitting outside your cell. Those weeks that I did it. I was desperate for you to tell me something that would make it all better, something that would give me reason to stop hating you."