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Grant Ward is not a true believer (notanazi) wrote in wariscoming,

And yet what she thought were the best parts of him he'd been taught to believe were weaknesses. All the love he felt for her, every consideration that maybe he deserved something better from life. It felt to him like a failure. But she made him believe sometimes that maybe he could be more than that. Maybe he could be the man she believed him to be.

"You see something in me I'm not sure is actually there. But you know that for you I'm trying." he told her, still not leaving the apartment even though he knew full well they should. They needed to find John and every second he delayed was a second that could make the difference. Still, being around her like this. Her telling him she wanted to help, she was here for him, not for anyone else. So few people had ever put him first, made him matter. He didn't always know what to do with that feeling.

"What if he's dead? What if we get there and..."

It might be easier than looking John in the eye knowing he'd failed. He'd suffer for it, for the failure, for every second here with her. But still he didn't make a move to leave. He was content with her, the constant battle in his mind between his orders and what he himself wanted, the constant threat assessment. Planning. It quieted around her. And even now with the worry over John, with every eventuality running through his mind, he couldn't deny what he felt.

"I need you to know, whatever happens if he is, if I failed. I'll keep my promise to you, okay, you asked me not to...not to fall too far, not to hurt myself. I won't. I love you too damn much for that. And i know you don't, you never have to say it back, I just, I need to tell you as often as I can. Is that okay?" he asked simply taking her hand back in his own.