Why was he asking about this? Why now did he want to know about Lucifer, about all of it. What would it gain him to know it?. But all the same how could she refuse him when this was what she'd caused. She deserved this. Of course she did. And so she'd tell him. She leaned in a little wanting the closeness back, he'd pulled her closer to the crowd of people.
"I believed in him. I believed that he'd make the world better. Azazel told me and you should have heard him Sam, he made sense. He made so much sense. I had faith I guess. As for the payoff. I don't know. I don't know what the world would become except that Azazel told me it would be something beautiful to behold and when you're little more than another whore in the pit and someone offers you the chance to be part of something more, something amazing. You ge chosen by the guy they called a tyrant, you practicly have immunity from the worst that hell has to offer. You get to go topside whenever you want?, Of course you take it. That was the payoff. I was somebody"
She shrugged, "It sounded like such an easy job. Find you, train you up, get you to Lilith. Then I met you, then I got to know you and I fell in love deeper than I thought I knew how. And I haven't stopped loving you, not since then. No payoff was worth lying to you anymore. Even...even that"
He might believe her, he might not. But she had to say it.