InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Bad Wolf"

Grant Ward is not a true believer (notanazi) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2014-07-03 12:21:00

Entry tags:

davina claire, grant ward

Who - Grant Ward and Davina!
What - Having thoughts. Many thoughts
Where - Not far from the warehouse
When - Morning of the 3rd July
Rating: Umm, some themes and not considered PG?
Status - Potentially in progress?

It was funny what he thought about. Especially given this was his third pass of the warehouse. They would all be in there, everyone from home. They'd be in there with Simmons and Skye. What did they say about him? How did they view him? Did they just see the lacky? Is that what this had come to now. He walked around this way every night or so. Even he wasn't sure why. He needed to feel close, to feel like they were safe/

To feel like she was safe.

He could hear Garrett now, And he knew it was true. Skye was a weakness. Being here was a weakness. He was failing him. He'd failed him at home. And he'd never failed him before.

"Make me believe it"

The crack across the jawline had actually jerked his head to the side and Ward had winced, even at the memory of it. Still, he'd turned back to face Garrett eyes focused. Perfectly in character. Gone was theloyal friend to John Garrett and in his place an agent who had had to put down his former S.O. An agent hurt by the betrayal. Shocked that Hydra had returned. Loyal to SHIELD. He'd made him believe it.

"Grant Ward. Agent of SHIELD"

And now he was here, in this crazy messed up world. No SHIELD. No Hydra. He would have been fine if not for the fact his world was a story. If not for the fact that Stark had shown up with some dammed list of names from Maria Hill, And she really did hate him. So now the secret was out and people were saying things, that damn British guy, saying he'd been used. And he knew how it looked, of course he did, he wasn't stupid. And Garrett wasn't incapable of being cruel especially near the end, when that serum had done whatever it had to him. It was in many ways a good thing Skye hadn't been injected with it yet. But crazy aside, Ward was never going to be the one to break that loyalty. Not to a man that had saved him from himself. And so he'd get on with life here. Work for Stark, and wasn't that hillarious. He'd work for Stark and try to make amends with the one person he'd cared about hurting.

"Its not a weakness is it?"

Skye. His beautiful, brilliant, Skye. Who had only ever wanted the truth. Funny how she'd been lying to them same time as he had, Only she'd come clean. Made it better. He hadn't made it easy on her of course. He wondered if that played on her mind too. Because he had tried. He had tried so hard not to fall for her. But ultimately he couldn't stop himself. Still weak. He knew that. Oh he wasn't that scared kid now, but he should have been better than this. He should have been able to get the information out of her using his usual methods. Not declaring love to her, not failing. Not having Peterson be ordered to...

If he thought about it in any real way, it still hurt. Maybe always would.

But she'd saved him. And because she'd saved him.He knew she felt something too. And god, he wanted her to feel the same, for a while there he'd even thought about if he could convince her. If he could just get her alone, he knew he could talk her round. She had saved him. Even if she did say it was because she wasn't a killer like him. It wasn't just that. Of course it wasn't. On the other hand, that look in her eyes, the smirk when she'd set May on him, calling him a Nazi, a serial killer. Maybe Raina had been right about them. Even if she was absolutely barking mad.

"Skye detests me, she thinks I'm a monster."
Are you? Is that your true nature, or is that what Garrett made you to be?"
"I don't know."

It was all too complicated. And of course there was Simmons. He was never gonna let them go free. Not given what they'd just done. But when it came to it, when the options were wait it out, override the system and shoot them or give them a possiblity of a chance. He'd given in to weakness again. Because he'd warmed to that team. Fought with them, defended them, saved them even. And all for what? He couldn't be sorry for the choices he'd made. He wasn't going to be the scared little kid, scraping for affection from a family who despised him, tying to stand up to a brother that was more monster than he'd ever be.

Who was he now?

Coulson's words came to mind. Of course they did. The man who he'd been sent in to monitor, the man who had ultimately given him a chance

"You devoted your entire life to a deranged narcissist who never gave a damn about anyone, and now he's dead. You've got the rest of your life to wrestle with the question ... who are you without him?"

Who was he without orders? Without a mission? Without Skye, joking with him, laughing with him. Calling him her robot. Who was he without that team, without Garrett, without anything. He'd spent so long being so many people. And he'd told Skye, he'd told her hoping she'd see it. She wouldn't like the real him. The real him was what he'd spent so long training to be. Or was the real him that boy with the petrol cans and matches. The one that when he'd heard his older brother had been inside had been only sorry he'd surrvived.

Reaching into his pocket he found a lighter. Eyes following the flame as it moved from side to side. He'd been given a chance by Tony Stark. A chance to work for him. Like Hill but far more competant. The angle seemed simple enough, keep an eye on him, but what about Barton. Or the kid. Or Kenzi, or Mercy or anyone else that had talked to him after the fact. Elena, willing to talk to Skye. Damon, offering a chance to release some of the pent up violence on hunts. And all that was left was the question. All that was left was that question...that ridiculous question he'd thought about ever since Coulson had thrown it in his face alongside promises of mental torture. WIth a little bit of physical from the ice queen who clearly couldn't get over being second place to Skye.

Who was he now? What was he now?. Was he even sure?

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notyourpuppet
2014-07-03 06:21 pm UTC (link)

Davina had taken to going on walks in the morning. It was relaxing and sometimes that's what she needed. Something simple, something all her own. And it was a time that she could use to think about things. There were so many things going on lately and sometimes it was all a little overwhelming. These morning walks were a time she could take to herself to divide each thing and think through it individually, break it all down into something more simple and process it all.

The post she'd made a week or more ago by now had really turned into something else entirely from where it had begun. But then, it wasn't a bad thing, the turn the conversation had taken. There didn't seem to be plans in the event of people going bad, losing their grip, things of that nature. And that was a fault they needed to fix. The argument, of course, then became should it only be the powered people, the vampires and wolves and witches, or should it be everyone, even the humans. All or none, that was the way it had all broken down in the end. To Davina, it only made sense for it to be everyone. Humans were no different in that right. They had every capability of becoming worse than what they were, going off the rails, same as anyone with any power set could. It was just people focused on the powered ones because they did, as a general rule, tend to hold more of a thread if they derailed. Containment was the main thing, until other means could be discussed. So they had all come together with a plan and the tech people were working on constructing containment cells for now and she would play her part in magical layering later.

She knew Rebekah would be, at the very least, disappointed to find out she was the original author of that post and its original contents, and at worst, hurt and upset and probably wouldn't even want to be her friend anymore. Which was unfortunate because Davina actually really liked the Rebekah that was here, but a friendship with her was not worth ignoring the blatant threat her brother had made at Elena and abandoning Davina's own morals and beliefs. It wasn't okay, no matter if she had killed him or played a part in killing him or whatever. She hadn't done a thing here to deserve that sort of treatment, except show up in a place she didn't understand, lost, confused, and hurting from what Davina could tell, which she could understand so well on her own. Even if Kol had wanted to make his feelings toward Elena known, couldn't he have waited? At least a day or two, let Elena ger her berings in this crazy world she didn't even have a place in yet? Couldn't he have shown his distaste for her without a threat so blatant as the one he'd given her? But no. That whole family was about nothing less than full-blown dramatics lately. They were exhausting.

Yelling, fighting, arguing. It broke out every way you turned in this place. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to keep up. So she just...didn't. She visited Marcel some days and otherwise focused on her studies with the Doctor and the others that had volunteered to help catch her up for the fall term. She baked with Darcy, painted in her room, discussed magic with Frigga. She had even spoken to Rose about being a counselor in the camp at the Center and she was excited about that. She focused on all of these things because they were easier than getting herself invovled in any of the dramas going on everywhere else in this town.

Davina was just beginning to try to plan out her day when she noticed a figure in the distance. She wondered who else was out this early. But then, maybe it was no one she knew anyway. The displaced were hardly the only occupants of Lawrence. But as she closed more and more space between them with each step, she realized she did recognize him. "Grant?" she called out to him in question. He seemed...distracted, to say the least. Maybe troubled was a more fitting description.

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notanazi
2014-07-03 09:47 pm UTC (link)

It actually took him a minute to react. Partly because he really wasn't expecting company and partly cause she'd called him Grant. He'd spent so long just being Ward that it was ever so slightly jarring to be called by his forename alone. He turned, still more than a little tense. Wondering would this be yet another lecture in how not to screw your friends over. Or how Garrett had used him, or some other ridiculous trick they were going for. They were so damn insistent it was almost fun to watch. Or would be if the whole story wasn't available for anyone to see. The girl's name was Davina, he'd spoken to her. She'd posted that thing, that talk of contingency plans way back when and she was the one everyone was protecting without ever really talking about it. The one whose name they kept out of conversations where that mildly ridiculous family of vampires could see. Even he'd refused to name her, and generally he wouldn't care. But she had a point. There needed to be plans. And in some ways it was for the best there was one for all of them, place like this.

"Davina. What's got you out this early?"

He wasn't sure if the girl would even know why he was not a block from the Warehouse. Close to where they were? If she'd even know that's where the people from his home were living. All of them now, bar him. And he didn't care. He honestly didn't. He just wanted Skye back. He just wanted her. If he had her. He could make this okay.

"Meant to ask how you were doing since, y'know, everything? But you could say I've been busy." he finished with a decidedly wry grin. He'd never apologize for who he was or what he'd done. But he wasn't completely heartless. Not unless he had to be. And Davina was just an innocent girl. Young and powerful. Seemingly at the centre of some kind of tug of war back home. Here she finally had somewhere to belong and it seemed she was doing okay at it. Probably better than him.

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notyourpuppet
2014-07-05 12:32 am UTC (link)

"Hey," she said softly, giving a little wave in his direction, a shrug at his question. "Nothing, really. Just wanted to clear my head." And it was true. She really had no exact destination or anything, just that eventually she would circle her way back home to Loki's house.

"It's okay, busy happens." she admitted. "I feel bad...cause I know Rebekah's going crazy, not knowing who it was...and if I tell her, it wouldn't really go so well...but I kind of like her as a friend, so it's a really weird place to be. I don't really know what to do about it." she frowned a little and bit her lip. It was something hat had been bothering her, but she didn't really know who to go to for advice.

"Not that you wanna listen to some teenage friendship drama or anything," she said, looking up at him again, "what's going on with you?" Such an innocent question with such an unwittingly loaded seriousness behind it.

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notanazi
2014-07-14 01:49 pm UTC (link)

He understood that if nothing else. And he knew how it would be if someone knew she was here that had decided to form an opinion of him right off the bat. She was in danger, under threat something equally as ridiculous. Unless she somehow posed a danger to his now non existant mission she was fine. If nothing else, he liked the kid. She'd been one of the few to treat him like a person. And so he listened, to all of it, to her worries about Rebekah finding out the truth, everything

"You could tell her." he started with a shrug. "You know it'd go about as well as a conversation I had recently. She'll blame you, and given how she comes across, she'll wonder just why you're so terribly cruel to her. And maybe eventually you'll get a friendship back till its thrown back up at the worst times. Your choices, you tell her, and you be prepared to lose everything you might have had as a friendship with her. Or you lie. And you keep up the lie. They say the truth will always find a way of coming to the fore but it won't. You can keep up a lie, ultimately, as long as you need to. You put the truth to the back of your mind and you just keep going, keep being her friend knowing that it wasn't about her, that she wasn't the reason you posted it and its better overall that she never know. The lie eventually becomes forgotten and you wind up believing that you didn't post the damn thing in the first place."

Lying was something Grant Ward had always been good at. He could lie to everyone he'd ever met. Bar John Garrett. It was odd that the kid was asking what was going on with him given everything. Though he supposed she couldn't have known.

"There was an argument. With some friends. Its fine kid, I promise. We'll work it out, always do. I just needed to clear my head too I guess. " he said, his voice all sincerity.

Lying. It was so easy to do.

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notyourpuppet
2014-07-23 02:49 pm UTC (link)

She nodded at his predictions of how her conversation with Rebekah might go. That was pretty par for the course for how she expected it to go, too. Which was partly why she hadn't spoken up just yet. But lying...it wasn't something Davina liked. Especially after all the lies that had been forced on her by people she thought she could trust back home. "Lies eventually get made, though. And then the fall out's a thousand times worse in the end." She understood his reasoning, because maybe lying would be easier, it would leave out pointless drama and it would keep her friendship in tact. But, still it all boiled down to a lie. And a friendship based in a lie wasn't really a friendship at all, was it?

Davina tilted her head slightly. "You say it's fine...but it's not," she shook her head. "It's never fun when you're fighting with your friends." There wasn't an ounce of tone in his voice or emotion written cross his face that would have led her to that conclusion, it was just a simple observation. She'd fought with friends before and it was never a fun place to be.

"Headed anywhere in particular? We could walk together." she suggested with a slight shrug. She was going nowhere special.

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notanazi
2014-07-24 12:54 pm UTC (link)

Lies get made. Oh he knew that. Had been prepared for it from day one. But when it had finally happened it had hurt more than he'd expected it to. And he'd told them himself. Not that Stark had left him a lot of choice in the matter.

"Lot of things happened, between my friends and me. And its not something that'll just go away easy. But if you think honesty will help you with Rebekah then be honest. I just don't think it will."

And she was perceptive. Too perceptive. Time was he'd have avoided people like her, though she'd never have made him if he was deep undercover. Here though, he didn't have to play any kind of game. But she was right ultimately, it wasn't fine. Having Skye hate him, how could it be fine.

"Nowhere really no. But sure, you can walk with me. I'm not great company though kid, so don't feel like you need to or anything."

He knew how to act, what to say if he wanted intel from her, if needed to befriend her to get close enough to a family member to cross them off but the genuine honesty the girl possessed. That he wasn't sure how to deal with.

"

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notyourpuppet
2014-07-28 07:54 pm UTC (link)

"I'm sorry it's been so hard," she said, her tone completely genuine. Fighting with friends was always a hard thing, no matter what the fight was about and it wasn't something she'd wish on anyone. She just nodded at the comment about Rebekah. She would have to think about it and decide later.

She shrugged, "I don't feel obligated or anything," she said, walking with him. "I just like talking to you." And she did. Not that she could explain it, really. Grant wasn't a super talkative sort and he wasn't some giant teddy bear type, but...he was real. Or, as far as Davina could tell he was. He didn't filter everything just because she was young. It was a different kind of honesty than her own, brutal and not candy-coated at all, but she liked that he didn't treat her any different than she'd seen him treat anyone else.

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notanazi
2014-07-28 10:40 pm UTC (link)

Why was she sorry? Did she really care about the feelings of a guy she'd really only met a few days ago. Everything he'd ever known told him that she was weak, trusting. Someone he could use to get information where it needed to be. But Davina wasn't a mark and there was no mission. And he knew it was normal, how she was. He just couldn't be like that. "Yeah thanks." he said by way of return. What else was there to say, she'd told him she was sorry for the fighting with his friends, he'd thanked her. There was nothing else to be said in that regard.

And still she was happy to walk with him. She was still young, he figured he supposed to see her to her guardian. To make sure she got home safe. "You got a curfew kid?" he asked her, slipping back into the comfortable persona he'd grown used to over the previous months. The agent, the protector. It was easier to be that Grant Ward sometimes. His life had been a lot less complicated.

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notyourpuppet
2014-07-29 04:10 pm UTC (link)

She nodded at his thanks and left it at that. Whatever all the exact details were, were complicated, messy, and he didn't want to talk about it. And that was fine. Davina could understand complicated and messy. They were words that described the last almost year of her life, too, and sometimes it was just better not to talk about it.

"It's Davina," she reminded him, smilong softly and shaking her head, "Not really. I'm usually not out late enough for it to matter anyway." she admitted with a shrug. Things lurked in the dark. But she was practicing again, so she felt confident that she could defend herself if need be. She just preferred to not have to wory about it at all, either way.

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notanazi
2014-08-06 09:34 am UTC (link)

Davina and not kid. He supposed he got that, wanting to be treated like everyone else was. And she was smarter than most people would give her credit for, he bet. But he could see it. She knew there was more to the story, more with him, but she wasn't pushing. Just wanting to walk with him when she could probably defend herself pretty well anway.

It was friendly. And friendly for no reason was still confusing. He didn't see or understand a point to it, to any of it.

He was more used to just being called Ward than anything else but he figured he wouldn't hate it if she got first namey with him. Her and Skye. That was so far, basically it. And he supposed John. But that didn't matter now.

"Where're you staying and I'll walk you back that way?" he asked, figureing even if she didn't have a curfew it would be better for her to be inside late at night, place like this

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notyourpuppet
2014-08-07 01:24 am UTC (link)

Something about being called kid irked her. A lot. It was almost demeaning in a sense, like she was thought less of simply for her age. She didn't think that was why he had used the term, but it was the connotation she felt behind it, regardless of who it was coming from.

Davina wasn't the type to continually push on things. She might give a gentle nudge, just to gague what the other person felt, but if she was met with much resistence at all, she would normally back off. There were some things that were just off limits. And sometimes those limits would slowly slip away once you got to know a person. Walls would come down, trust built in its place.

"Oh," when he asked where she lived, it was as though a light had clicked on. She had seen his reaction to her housemates, especially Loki in particular. "Um, actually, I live with Loki and Frigga." She wondered how something that simple might change his view of her.

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notanazi
2014-08-07 12:31 pm UTC (link)

Loki.

Well that was a whole mess of complicated he didn't want to get into with her. And the mother was kind of a harpy. Ward had done a lot of things, awful things. He didn't hide that. He'd signed up to Hydra for Garretts sake knowing what it was. Knowing that he'd be viewed the same. He hadn't cared. But even Hydra hadn't done what Loki had. Even they hadn't brought war from another world out of petty jealousy. Ward had seen New York after the fact. And it was a mess.

"We're not exactly friends." he said simply, deciding to leave the rest of it alone. There was no point in pressing the matter. Not when everyone was more than happy to leave the ticking time bomb unwatched.

Much as he'd been lying to Coulson all along, he saw that look enough, the one he got when he mentioned Loki. Haunted. He really had died. And whatever had happened after that he couldn't imagine Coulson being okay with Loki if he showed up in Lawrence. Might even hate the Asgardian more than him.

"I'll walk you home. I said I would. I just won't stay to say hi. Probably best."

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notyourpuppet
2014-08-08 12:40 am UTC (link)

"Yeah..." she nodded a little, "I picked up on that." It came out sounding more sarcasric than she'd intended, but she wouldn't justify it or anything. It was pretty obvious from what she had seen anyway. "Does it change anything?" she asked, looking up at him curiously. He could take that however he'd like, but she wanted to know if it changed what he thought of her.

She nodded a bit. At least she knew, beyond any doubt at all, he was a man of his word. Even in finding out she lived with someone he hated, he would keep to his previous commitment and walk her home. More than he probably even realized, it said a lot to her about the kind of person he was. "Thank you." she said simply with a small smile. "You don't have to stay," she assured him.

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notanazi
2014-08-08 08:58 am UTC (link)

Did it?

How could it really let it change his opinion of her when he was being clouded so much by being Hydra. He was nothing like them, he didn't believe in what they did so how could he fault her. It seemed Loki had helped her, whether it was Loki playing some game or genuinely caring about someone he didn't know. But she seemed safe. Seemed happy. "No" he said finally. "It doesn't change my opinion of you. I'm not gonna be okay with Loki, probably ever. I haven't had the best opinion of Asgard. Just in general."

Lorelai wasn't someone he wanted to talk about, for someone like him to lose his control, be under thrall. He'd been broken by her in a way he hadn't even explained to John.

The things that race were capable of, their magic. He despised it, and Loki and Frigga were both practitioners of it.

"Oh I don't plan to stay. But come on, lets get you back there. Its getting pretty late, and while I'm fairly sure you can defend yourself well, you shouldn't have to."

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notyourpuppet
2014-08-08 04:47 pm UTC (link)

A smile broke across her lips when he said no. She knew it. He was a better person than he thought he was, could take the higher road, be the bigger person if and when he really wanted to. There were a lot of layers to Grant Ward, but Davina was fairly confident she'd broken through one very tiny, paper thin layer already. And that was something. "Good," she nodded, "I'd hoped it wouldn't. I'd never ask you to be," she assured him. "Just that my association with him doesn't change anything between us." Judging people for the company they kept was something most people did completely subconsciously. Knowing he was aware and consciously made the decision to separate the two gave Davina hope for him.

She nodded at his insistence on getting her home. Was he worried about her? She wasn't sure, but she sort of liked to think that maybe he was, even if it was just a tiny bit. "Okay, let's go." she said, leading the way.

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