InsaneJournal

Who: Caroline
Where: Australia
When: Monday
What: more teetering
Status: complete



The problem with being a vampire was that her emotions were heightened. Usually she had that under control, but with her control slipping ever so slightly over the last few days, the emotions had been hitting her harder and faster than ever. Especially the insecurities.

She’d come a long way since she was human and those insecurities had tried to eat her alive. An even longer way than the girl who’d been constantly worried about Matt always loving Elena and never being able to compare to her friend who she knew her boyfriend was still in love with. She’d given up Matt to protect him. Been through a lot with Tyler and found herself falling head over heels in love with Klaus. It had been a whirlwind, one that Caroline had never thought would actually happen, but she hadn’t been happier.

Until the talk of her needing a break had started and her brain slowly began altering it as she read it, as she processed it. Taking a break for herself had somehow twisted itself into them needing a break from her. That finally all of her little neuroses, every little idiosyncracy she had that involved planning and compartmentalizing and the lists and just all of it had finally pushed the people she loved most over the edge and they didn’t want her around anymore. It was the furthest thing from the truth but it was hard to separate that in her head from reality as everything twisted around her.

Coming to Australia hadn’t helped any. She was just away and worried that distance would make the fondness fade, pushing them away before they could push her. She’d done it before countless times. It was pretty much how her mother and she had lived after the divorce before their relationship had improved. If she lashed out first, if she made the snappy comment, or left first then she wouldn’t be as hurt for them leaving.

She felt like each of them were pulling away and even Rebekah’s assurances had fallen on deaf ears. A year ago the other girl couldn’t even stand her and her mind couldn’t help but twist that it was all a lie, a perfect little play to watch her stumble and fall.

And Klaus.

She’d honestly thought she’d get a full year before he got bored of her but it seemed nine months was as good as she’d ever get.

Caroline hated the paranoia that was coursing through her body, but she hated the constant onslaught of thoughts more. Her mind never shut up at the best of times but usually she had something to focus on, to gear those thoughts towards, but now she couldn’t do that. It was just a constant barrage and she didn’t know how to quiet them anymore.

She was exhausted but couldn’t sleep.

She was starving but didn’t want to drink too much from her blood bags at once. It’d been hard enough to steal some the first time and she didn’t know how long she’d be sticking around. She definitely didn’t trust herself enough to not kill anyone if she fed from them.

So she compelled the hotel staff to leave her room alone and pulled the curtains closed, draping herself in darkness and shadows as she curled up on the bed, and tried not to crack anymore than she already had.