Hatter actually took a step back, the frown deepening. "The Red Queen? The Reds and Whites are just legends, they died out decades ago. Last one standing was the squire of the White Knight, and let's face it, he was a little bit mad, and that's coming from me and..."
Wait. Other Wonderlands. Fan-fucking-tastic. Now Hatter really wanted to find a wall to bang his head against.
"They call me Hatter, owner of the Tea Shop," he made a popping sound at the end of 'shop' and even gave a slightly flourished bow, though his tone was sarcastic. "And there's no portals around. Don't know what your rabbit is like, but where I'm from the secret police won't be any damned help to anyone. So sorry, your Majesty. But you're stuck in this world now."
There, that covered it all, didn't it? Except for "Oh and Alice, of legend or otherwise, isn't here and no clue about any bloody genie."