He could hear her footsteps getting closer as she talked and he tried to focus on her words even as his chest got tighter until he felt like he couldn't breathe. He shut his eyes when he heard her words pause mid-sentence as she lingered in the door frame for a moment. He didn't have to turn around to see her. He just knew where she was.
But the break in her voice nearly killed him. If there was one thing that always felt like a knife stabbing him in the heart, it was Lydia crying. And that he was the cause of it? He hated himself for so many reasons, but that was the latest one. He exhaled, his breathing shaky as she slid her hand into his.
"Lyds." He swallowed hard. Protecting her. Keeping her safe, he reminded himself. "Listen." His voice was quiet, barely a whisper. He turned to look at her, expression stricken at the sight of the tear tracks. He reached up, gently cupping her cheek for a moment and then guiding her to sit down on the bed. "I have to do this because...I don't think that being around me right now is --" He shut his eyes. "I don't think it's safe. And if I ever did anything to hurt you --" This time it was his voice who that was strained.
"I'd never be able to live with myself. Ever. I can't --" He shook his head, swallowing the lump in his throat as a tear made its way down his cheek.