InsaneJournal

Who: Parker (Narrative but open if anyone wants to check on her)
What: Parker's not dealing with things very well at the moment.
Where: Her room at Damien's manor
When: Earlier tonight
Warnings: Cage related garbage by the ton, leftover illness and major dark night of the soul (plus semi off kilter writing, Parker basically took over my brain while typing this).



Parker had been too scared to even leave her room (outside of a few brief trips to the manor's kitchen and the bathroom) since the night she came back to the manor.

Granted being sick with a nasty cold had helped her cause in staying hidden from the world. As she curled into another bad coughing fit she was also thinking about everything from the cage to now. "If my brain is sure its all real then why is my heart screaming someone will be after me?" she quietly mused between coughs and attempts at clearing her stopped up nose. That slip into paranoid had taken its toll as well. She had triple locked all the windows and door to make sure nobody could come after her among other things (plus after finding her tazer she was keeping the weapon under the bed 24/7). *Can't take a single chance ever now.* she decided.

She also had another secret: in the rare times she left her room she was in the manor's kitchen loading up on junk food. In more normal times candy, cookies, fast food, soda and even leftovers of Eliot's cooking could make any bad day a little better. This time it was just an attempt at drowning her pain. Because by this point almost everything had taken a hike in the face of the war between her mind (screaming the cage was over among other things), her heart (sure she was just a stupid freak) and her spirit (more along the lines of "If nobody cares then why should I bother even trying?). The nightmares however had only gotten worse since her return to the manor. The few times she had slept without the help of meds were filled in images of the cage, being tossed out of windows and having the handful she trusted stab her in the back (and rip out her heart) over and over and over. Add in some of what she had taken on the network in her few attempts at letting people in and it was no surprise the darkness had taken over.

Because by this point if her rational side was in charge she not only needed to open up (which was next to impossible thanks to long standing trust issues made worse, but she was trying) and let people in she had also let her appearance take a hike. The light in her eyes was replaced by gloom and red rimmed eyes from crying and little sleep, the skinny jeans were now a 24/7 nightgown (and the rare times she left her room were clad in sweats), she was in desperate need of a hot shower (which she was sure at times she did not deserve among other things), actual food and some actual sleep without the aid of flu meds and sleeping pills (which were the only thing keeping the nightmares at bay).

Parker had indeed become much darker: the woman who may be quirky but still had a heart underneath had turned into ice (at least emotionally speaking).

"First one to make the attempt, I'll open up." she finally whispered, a tiny but needed step on the long road to getting her true self back. But one more fleeting through slammed through,"Will I ever be a good thief again?"