Sometimes Nik made her want to bang her head against the wall. The absolute frustration that came with loving him could drive her crazy, because it seemed that no matter what she said, no matter how she phrased things, he would always read the worst into it. "You think I despise you? Have you not been listening? At all? I mean really, the words seem to go in one ear and straight out the other with you." There was even a hint of sarcasm in her tone.
"I don't despise you. Even when I've hated you, I've still loved you, why else would I have stayed with you after every single thing you've put me through? I went to hell for you, and I'd do it again, and still you ask me if I despise you? Seriously?" She looked almost irritated as she all but threw the pillow to one side, wanting to let her emotions out one way at least. And Rebekah suspected that actually reaching over and smacking her brother over the head wouldn't go well.
"My whole life, you've tried to control me, and you probably do believe it was for my own good, but that doesn't make the way you've treated me okay. It really doesn't. And yes, I pity you, I pity the way you're so paranoid and deluded, the way you freak out any time you lose control, even for a second." In her mind, it was a trait to be pitied. To be that lost in his own fear all the time. Oh, it didn't make her forgive all the hurt he had caused her, especially when he had practically shown glee at the pain she had suffered at his hands over the centuries.
"What do you actually want from me, Nik? I can't go back to being who I was before all this, I want to, I want to forget hell ever happened, but I can't. I have to live with it, forever. And the fact is, you probably still question the idea that I love you, that I'm loyal to you. Even now, don't you."