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Tweak says, "You wanna hear my voices too?"

Rose Tyler Will Defend the Earth (plusone) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2014-01-14 00:18:00

Entry tags:

guy of gisborne, rose tyler

Who: Rose Tyler and Guy of Gisborne
What: Baby steps...hopefully leading into bigger steps
When: Late Monday
Where: Rose's room on the TARDIS
Warnings: Heartbreak. So much heartbreak

She had no idea how long Guy had been sitting there. All she knew was now and then she heard him. Either talking to the Doctor or to Martha or to Jack. Whoever came by to see if she would come out. Which, so far, she hadn't. She barely left her bed except for the bathroom or a shower. One might think she'd give up on hygiene but it was just the opposite. She felt safe in there, somehow. Comfortable. Before Guy had taken up his vigil outside her door, she'd occasionally crack it open and pull in the trays Martha made for her. But it was hard to convince herself to eat it when her friend was a doctor and knew about a million ways to poison a person. She had no idea how she was expected to trust that none of them were going to be the death of her.

But was it worth it? Locking herself away like this? What was the point? If they killed her, how would it be any different from any other time? She'd just get shuffled off to the next level or world or whatever it was Hell was calling the misery it was putting them all through. She'd just have to figure out new ways to kill the people she shared the cage with, or watch everything she loved burn to ash, or feel the burning ache of all over pain. It was a continuing pattern, though there never seemed to be any rhyme or reason to where she ended up. Hell seemed fond of this one, though. Rose had so many friends, so many people she loved in Lawrence. It was like she'd said to Eponine, of course people had missed her. It was why there were so many people were there to be the next to end her life. Even the little French girl herself had a turn.

But what was the point? Hiding away would only buy her what, a year or two? The Doctor could do it, he could get in at any time. Or John. She'd let him in the once, until the concern on his face had made her ignore him entirely until he finally left. She could hide all she wanted. In the end, the TARDIS herself could be the one to kill Rose. If that's what was meant to happen. Maybe it was better. Get out there again. Get it over with.

How could she, though? How could she face them, with no idea which would be the next?

What if they were telling the truth? What if, finally, she really was home? She could finally just hide in that warm place in Guy's arms, joke with the Doctor, tease Jack and Becker... It was so inviting, so appealing. She wanted to cuddle Toby. She wanted to go to dinner with her friends, go out and play lazer tag or do ridiculous karaoke. Something. Anything.

She just desperately wanted to feel alive again.

Pulling herself from her bed, Rose slowly, painfully made her way towards the door. The last several days in all of maybe two positions had taken their toll and she hurt. She should work on that. Her stomach hurt from barely eating, she probably looked shabby at best. None of that made approaching that door any easier.

Sliding down the door, she pulled her knees to her chest and leaned against the wood. She reached out, touching it lightly, as if she could feel human contact through it somehow. God, she wanted to believe it was possible. She was so, so tired of being hurt. For the first time in days, she attempted to use her voice. "Still out there?" she asked, the sound scratchy and quiet to even her own ears. But she was speaking. And it was a start.

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turnedtoashes
2014-01-15 12:24 pm UTC (link)

He didn't know how long he'd been there really. It had been a solid streach from the point that Marian had bailed them out. And overreacted. It showed how far he'd come that he could see that. That she wasn't the perfect woman that could do no wrong. In his opinion she'd jumped to anger too quickly and he'd told her so. He supposed his time with Rose had changed him, mellowed him slightly perhaps, most definitely made a difference. But now she was the one in pain, she was the one lost to herself. She'd been back a while now and she still wouldn't believe that she was. He'd been told hell had lied to them, made them believe they were home before having their loved ones turn on them time and time again.

Rose had let John Watson in to see her. The Doctor. But not him. And while he had to admit to jealousy around her closeness with the other men it wasn't even that though truth be told he would likely never be alright with them. There were ways to act around another mans girlfriend and they seemed not to care for gentlemanly behaviours.

In truth though, Guy knew why she'd let them in and not him, it was easier for her to believe them incapable of killing the woman they loved. Whereas he, was entirely capable of it, and had done so before. He leaned his head back against the wall of that blasted ridiculous impossible box and tried to get some rest. It was even starting to work, but then she spoke. She'd acknowledged him finally and he was already wide awake.

"I'm here. Not going anywhere any time soon." he said simply not wanting to startle her.

"Is there anything you need love?"

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plusone
2014-01-15 11:38 pm UTC (link)

If Guy had brought up his fears to her, that she had only kept him out because she more genuinely feared him, she'd have possibly set him right. John had been allowed in once, briefly, just so he'd shut up about making sure she was physically all right. She hadn't said a single word in his presence and he'd taken the hint and left. And the Doctor...well, that was before she'd remembered to lock the door. Not that he couldn't still get in if he wanted to. The TARDIS knew him well enough to let him in wherever he chose. But she wouldn't be able to explain any of that to someone with Guy's insecurities. She did acknowledge his jealousy and his annoyance with her having so many male friends, but she wasn't going to change, not even for him. She'd learned with one man what it was to be forced around and since she'd been spectacularly dumped by Jimmy Stone and left entirely alone, she wasn't ever going to let a man push her around again.

None of this would be brought up just then, however. Not when she was having a hard enough time making words come out. Thousands of them were running through her mind. How sorry she was for worrying him, how scared she was of everyone and everything. How heartbroken she was to even think that the people she loved so much would hurt her. But voicing that was so much more difficult.

She hesitated, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against the door. His voice was so familiar, so comforting. She could listen to him talk all day. That rich, deep baritone that seemed to just rumble from within him. It brought so many memories to the front of her mind. Nights spent in his arms, listening to him talk, sharing stories, trading secrets. She so badly wished she could have that again.

"No," she answered softly. Then she reconsidered. "The last several years of my life back would be a start." It was the most honest she'd been, out loud at least, with anyone since she'd returned. 'Returned'. Was it possible? Was there any hope left at all?

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turnedtoashes
2014-01-22 12:15 pm UTC (link)

Several years. God, every time he heard what they had endured, what she had endured, it took all he was not to lose control. Hell, The Cage, Lucifer, the Seal, the Bad Wolf. It was all so intangible now and he had nothing left that he could blame. He didn't know what he was supposed to do except what everyone kept saying. Be there for her. Well, he was there, he was with her, and he'd sit here for as long as it took.

And then he'd work out just what he planned to do to help her through this. He had never been that kind of man, he usually caused more problems than he solved.

"I cannot give you that. But I can give you the next several. Or as long as we are both here, which I hope very much will be for the rest of our lives. This place was my second chance you know, not at redemption perhaps, I'd found a measure of that back home. But at a life, at love at everything I'd failed to understand the importance of. And you, Rose Tyler are the one that showed me all of that. So I refuse to believe that this will beat you. Do you hear me?"

Stubborn he could do, just as well as her actually. He couldn't change her past no, but he could perhaps shape her future for the better.

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plusone
2014-01-23 03:22 pm UTC (link)

The rest of their lives. It seemed impossible. Rose hadn't planned on living a long life in a very long time. First traveling with the Doctor, then working with Torchwood. The dimension cannon and finally, here. Lawrence didn't bode well for long lives, especially for someone as willing to take risks as she was. Had been. Would she ever take a Hunt again? Would she ever be willing to go off and fight evil when she'd seen exactly how evil the world could be?

She'd been his inspiration. And now she could barely stand to look at him. Oh, he'd still be the handsome man who'd come along to pick up the pieces when her life had fallen apart. He'd still have that thick dark hair and those piercing eyes. And a body to kill for, she had to be honest there. But inside, what if he wasn't her Guy? What if he was just another trick? The man the Cage so loved to present her with, only to have him taken away. How many times had she reunited with him, only to be betrayed by him, or someone else in her life?

Still. He got points for stubbornness. And the Guy from the Cage hadn't been nearly as honest and truthful with her. Except the one time... Oh, what the hell did it matter? If she was going to die, she was going to die. Why bother dragging out the inevitable?

Only it hurt so, so much more the more it happened.

"You deserved that second chance," she replied, biting her lip at the memories flooding her. Tears welled up in her eyes, remembering how often she'd felt second to Marian, how many times she'd sworn she'd never be enough for him. Well, whose door was he outside of now? Who was he putting every Guy instinct aside for? "I wanted to be that second chance for you. I just... I don't know how, Guy. I don't know how to be anything for anyone anymore." She curled her arms around her knees, but she still sat with her head pressed against the door. As if somehow, that would give her contact with him.

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turnedtoashes
2014-01-27 11:14 am UTC (link)

Did he? He didn't quite understand how he'd gotten lucky enough to have someone like her in his life. In spite of the fact she'd loved so deeply before him. In spite of his own, admittidly ridiculous jealousy. She was with him, she loved him and he could not walk away from that. He'd been there for days already and he'd stay there until she was ready to leave. Until she was ready to admit this was real and take steps to get her life back on track.

"So lets take it that you were, that you are my second chance. That means you've saved me, in every concievable way. You made me a better man and because of that I can be there now for you. I can help you in whatever way it takes. I want you to give me just one more chance to be the man you deserve me to be."

He wasn't entirely sure what it would take to keep Rose from falling into herself. To keep her mind focused on what was real, on the people that loved her. On the life she deserved. This place, she felt safe here, he knew that, something so familiar to her. No wonder she'd hidden away here. He still wasn't used to it and still wasn't entirely sure the living ship was particularly fond of him. But she hadn't hindered him now. It seemed she care enough for Rose to see that she needed him here.

"Don't you see, You deserve to feel safe, to feel loved. And I can only imagine what hell stripped away from you but there are so many people here who want to help you recover. People who love you. Do you understand?"

He needed her to understand that. He needed to know there was a chance things would get better.

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plusone
2014-01-28 05:39 am UTC (link)

But maybe she was tired of saving people. Maybe she was tired of always being the strong one, always being the one to put others first. How long did she have to do that for? How many times did she have to be beaten down before she was allowed to just give up?

One more chance... Her fingers reached up to lightly trail the wood of the door. "You have no idea," she said softly. "No idea how badly it hurts each and every time. I give in, I try and accept it, and then you, or someone else..." The memory sent a chill down her back and she had to gasp back a sob. This wasn't a time for crying. She'd done enough of that. Now she was more numb than anything else.

Maybe she did deserve to feel safe and loved. Maybe she was meant to have that security enveloping her. But she didn't and she wasn't sure how she ever could again. "I know you love me," she whispered, despite herself. "I do. I know other people do, too. That's..." There was a moment of hesitation. She hadn't been this upfront with anyone since she'd been pulled into this world. Real or not real. "That's why it's so hard. Don't you see? Loving someone so much just to have them turn on you..." And he hadn't done so right away, no. Not in the level that was like this one. A safe and happy return home just to be denied. There, he'd lure her in with words of love and hope and kindness, and then... God, she could still feel the blade between her ribs.

And the only thing that hurt more than the actual ripping of muscle and tendon and skin as he pulled her heart out was the betrayal she felt on repeat.

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turnedtoashes
2014-01-31 12:14 pm UTC (link)

That's why it was hard. Of course, she imagined them all killing her, over and over again, different each time, and this other creation of him had said all the right things, told her he loved her probably only to turn on her. He hated this, all of this so much, and there was nothing that he could blame for what she had suffered. There was no revenge to take. He supposed that all he could do was give her the love she deserved to have and hope that she would relax around him, she would have to see it was real at some point, wouldn't she?

"I don't know what to say to that Rose, I wish I did, I wish I was better with words and comfort. All I can do is be there for you, be the man that you deserve to have love you. And I know he probably said all this before and then hurt you, and I can promise that I don't, but...what if I prove I've no weapons on me, I just want to see you? Is it so wrong to want to?"

He knew how much this must have been hurting her but how could he make her see that he loved her.

"Look, we do this as you like, at your pace, but I'm going to be here as often as you'll let me. Because I truly do love you Rose Tyler, and I'm going to help you see that you really are back with me, whatever it takes, however long it takes."

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