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Hal Yorke was involved tagentially ([info]needstheroutine) wrote in [info]wariscoming,
@ 2014-01-08 14:39:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:alex millar, hal yorke

Who: Halex!
What: Hal is finding routines again
Where: Hal's Room
When: Morning of the 8th
Rating: Scottish :p
Status: In Progress.

It was funny being back here. It felt like such a long time ago now. 50 years and some months, lost months. Hal still hadn't quite grasped that he was free, that he was free of hell and free of the other him. The cruel monster that had once again destroyed everything that he had begun to build here. And what he had done to Alex was no less than heartless. It was funny how hell had effected most so dreadfully. Hal though, he found he was rather glad for it. Twisted perhaps, but Lord Harry had spent most of the time suffering as his time passed and when it had become Hal's turn it was atonement. He had deserved it and more besides, because he had been weak. He'd lied. He'd gotten lost in his own addiction again and it had been Alex that had suffered for it. 

He didn't know if she'd come to see him. He'd understand it if she didn't. If she never wanted to see him again. It would be better for her too of course. He'd already destroyed her life, it was not fair that he destroy her death too. 

He sat there, as he had been for the last 3 hours, Leo's domino in hand, pacing. 

He'd exercised. A lot. Tiedied the house three times over, and was currently scrubbing at a small stain he'd noticed with a cloth dipped in polish. 

Routines. That was what he'd needed. Ironicly he wondered had the fact that the cage had kept routines fairly standard, nine seperate horrors, nine of them, in an order he could find, hold to, he wondered if it had in some small way helped him. He probably should have been reacting worse from the horrors but he really had deserved them. Penance had its place, even for the dammed. 

There. The stain removed. Hal considered what next to do.

Press ups. It wasn't on the schedule mostly because he didn't have one yet. But there was no sense in trying to relax. The devil did in fact make work for idle hands

"1" he began. "2, 3, 4..."

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[info]stucklikethis
2014-01-08 03:17 pm UTC (link)
Alex had been in so many minds about going to see Hal. It was more than a day of getting so close to making that move, even rentaghosting to the outside of the house, only to vanish again before she could do anything. Everything he had put her through, all those lies and the cheating, that pain. So much so she had lost control of what she was, had turned into a poltergeist, something that still hadn't gone away. Much of the past couple of months Alex had been alone in the woods, trees taking the brunt of her telekinesis. Aside from hanging out with Lexi a couple of times, Alex hadn't actually seen anyone for a long time.

Really it was lucky that ghosts didn't need to worry about things like personal grooming or hygiene, because she would have been a mess. Probably a stinky one. As it was, she looked exactly the same as she had months ago. Save for her eyes which still glowed an eerie ice blue.

It took until the morning of the 8th for her to finally take that extra step and actually go in to Hal's house. It was cleaner than she had expected, after all it had been abandoned for weeks. But then he was Hal again, and Hal could never abide mess. So maybe it wasn't so surprising after all.

Ghosts didn't need invitations, so Alex just went inside, appearing in the hallway. From the room she could hear the sound of Hal exercising, and abruptly she missed the days when she could have made some comment laced with innuendo, made him blush and splutter that she was being inappropriate.

Instead she leaned against the doorway, her expression neutral. "I can come back later, if you're busy."

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[info]needstheroutine
2014-01-08 05:18 pm UTC (link)
He'd gotten to 28 by the time Alex spoke, just outside the door. Not just bursting into the room as she normally would. And he remembered hell, the things he saw, she'd been here before, bursting in for a house meeting. Him hiding the then empty flask of blood. Neither she nor Tom any the wiser.

"...29...30" he said, simply unable to stop at 28. There had to be some manner of order to these things. He did pause after he stood up to ensure he looked, appropriate. He'd never have worried before, but things were different now.

He opened the door and again was taken aback by her eyes. Her ice blue eyes. Oh he'd seen them. Or the other him had seen them, mocked them. Mocked what he'd made her. But now all he could do was focus on the weight of the domino as it threaded through his fingers.

"I'm not busy. I mean I am, Rather, I have been keeping busy. Ensuring I have something to fill my days with. I've not yet made a chart you see so everything is rather all over the place. Once the house was appropriately clean I was at a loss I suppose on what I could do with myself." It was happening again, unable to stop speaking, just rambling.

"Sorry, I...do come in." he said, still nervous at the formality of it all. This was Alex. His Alex. Though he supposed not anymore.

"I've missed you." he said simply, honestly. "Whatever my faults, everything I must atone for I just needed you to know that. I truly have missed you Alex."

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[info]stucklikethis
2014-01-08 05:30 pm UTC (link)
Of course he would have to get to a round number. This was Hal and his OCD all over. Alex was even a little surprised he hadn't gone all the way to 50 before stopping, but since she was hardly known for patience at the best of times, she was grateful. Maybe.

When he opened the door and started rambling, it was so painfully familiar, so much like the Hal she had known and loved. Still did love, if she was being brutally honest with herself, and it hurt to even think that. And he was there and being all formal and Alex suddenly had flashbacks of his other crazy ghost ex. A fate she did still fear for herself, being stuck forever and never being able to let go until she really did go mad. If she wasn't there already.

At his invitation, she attempted a smile, but really just looked awkward, and stepped into the room, hesitating a moment before she sat on the bed, right on the edge, looking ready to bolt any second. "Place looks good. Tidy. Very tidy." Fucking small talk.

When he said that he'd missed her, she actually flinched. "Hal, don't do that. How could you miss me when you weren't even here? When it was him instead." Alex found she couldn't quite look at him, but she did see the domino in his fingers, found herself staring at it. Remembered showing him how her powers had developed and she could move dominoes so neatly, so controlled. Well, that was long gone now.

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[info]needstheroutine
2014-01-08 11:35 pm UTC (link)
He hated how awkward it was. Of course it was entirely reasonable "It had been filthy. And there was nothing in the house by way of cleaning products so I had to purchase some. Luckily there was still money. It took quite some time but its better. Things are better this way. Everything is ordered. You know."

He was trying. Focusing. Getting routine back. Everything he needed to do to be normal. To be safe. But he wasn't sure he could ask the same normalcy from her, her eyes a telltale sign that things were still as messed up as they had been when he'd fallen into hell.

The flinch brought on a twitch, he glanced from her to the dresser suddenly very aware one of the bottles was facing the wrong way around. So he fixed it, three times before it was right and looked back at her, there was one thing she still hadn't grasped. "Its been 50 years, at least. You should know that, and all the time in the pit it wasn't just Lord Harry. He eventually gave in a decade or so back, decided if we were going to suffer it might as well be me rather than him. And so since then I've been acutely aware of just how much I missed you and how much of what happened is my fault. My weakness. I've seen it, rewatched every failing, both here and back home time and time again, I've watched every second in glorious technicolour and it all boils down to the fact that I can't ever be good enough for you. You were right, I should live in a cave. With a sign, and a bell. Its dangerous knowing me and even more dangerous loving me and yet even now, even in spite of everything all I want to do is have you in my arms again."

The rug on the floor had gotten crumpled, probably the pacing from earlier. Two creases. No three, three.

Uneven.

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[info]stucklikethis
2014-01-09 12:07 am UTC (link)
The babbling felt strange.

Actually, no. It didn't feel strange at all, it was entirely expected and that was the bit Alex hated. She hated that they had gone from being so comfortable together to this. Not knowing what to say and so talking about buying cleaning products. She almost replied to it before she stopped, made herself stop, in case they ended up doing something completely fucking insane like comparing the suitability of British or American cleaning supplies, and they weren't there to talk about Cillit Bloody Bang.

She watched the way he moved the bottle, repeatedly, until it was just right, and she listened, she actually really listened to him talking about Hell.

"What happened? In there, I mean." Her voice was subdued. "Rewatching it all, what was it like?" She didn't know why she asked, didn't know why it even mattered, but it weirdly did.

And he'd missed her. That didn't take away all the cruel words Lord Harry had said, everything he had done, nor did it make everything Hal had done okay, but it did feel almost like a physical tug on her heart. "I'm here." It wasn't her saying she would jump back into his arms. But equally she wasn't running from him either.

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[info]needstheroutine
2014-01-09 09:48 am UTC (link)
What happened? It was strange, Hal watched everyone else that had returned with him, the emotionless Rebekah, others just not coping at all, he'd heard hide nor hair of Rose since. Broken and lost but for him. "It was not easy. Things were complicated, people were...I'm not going to explain it all. It seems to be a shared experiance and it isn't my place, if they suffered all the horrors I did. But at the start it was him, and it seemed hell quickly realised being forced to kill wouldn't phase him, that was one of them, killing, over and over, blood that would never sate us. When the pain got too much, when it became less fun for him, he gave up control, left it to be me, thinking we'd never get out. I can't blame him. I didn't think we would either, and when I did think so...the very worst of the tortures would come, thinking we were back here. Thinking it was over, and then one by one you'd kill us, sometimes you, sometimes Lydia, Lauren, Mitchell, Katherine. Sometimes it was Tom, Annie, Leo, Pearl."

He blinked, finally standing to fix the rug. He had to.

"I would see Mr Snow, telling me again that my little 'eccentricities' were because he allowed it. Fergus, Cutler, Crumb, and then of course Mary, Sylvie. Everything I've caused, everything I've done don't you see. I expect it would break most people, but I needed to see it. I needed to watch how it ended, as if I were there, I needed to watch myself slowly fall, at home and again here. I needed to see it all to truly understand. It was a penance I needed to suffer. I'm glad it was me to fall. I must be the first person to go into hell a monster and return..."

As what. A good man, well that was hardly true.

"..better." he finally settled on.

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[info]stucklikethis
2014-01-09 02:03 pm UTC (link)
Alex listened to the way he spoke about Hell, watched the expressions on his face, the way his voice would change, and wasn't even a little surprised when he finally got up to fix the rug. Hell probably had treated Hal differently to everyone else. Lord Harry would never have gone in through choice. Not that the others had, but in many cases they had been there through trying to save someone, but not him. No, Lord Harry had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time and suffered for it.

Which he had deserved. Lord Harry had deserved to suffer.

That didn't mean Hal did.

She wasn't sure what to say, what to feel. No matter how hurt and angry she was, still was, at Hal, she also hated the fact he had suffered like that. It was confusing and messy and made her head a very fucking annoying place to be.

"So, do you understand now? How the fuck am I supposed to believe you won't do the same mistakes all over again?" How was she supposed to trust him again, to offer her heart to him all over again and risk it being broken?

There was one other detail that made her feel awkward, but had to ask anyway. "And do you need to detox again? Or is the blood out of your system?"

Gone to Hell a monster and come out as.... this. Alex had seen how the others had broken, had shut away. "Everyone else broke and you seemed to be fixed. Ironic or something, I guess."

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[info]needstheroutine
2014-01-09 02:48 pm UTC (link)
Of course he understood. He should have told her to run from him. Forget him. He was useless to her, he was always going to be this. The weak one. Old One he might have been but he'd been a fool to think he could escape one of his cycles unscathed. But he had warned them all, time and time again. He woke up in the world Lord Harry had created and as usual it was a mess, he'd hurt everyone Hal had loved and it had been Mitchell of the two that was the stronger. The young, volitile Mitchell, the one he'd been so impressed with when he'd first heard of him. First as a potential pawn in a wider game, and then rumours from Bristol of a vampire who'd gotten clean.

But even Mitchell had fallen. And now more than ever Hal worried it was only a matter of time.

"I do understand." he said finally. "I always have understood, but I was selfish enough to think that I could do it, that I could fight a 500 year cycle because this time would be different. Its never different Alex, he always manages to claw his way back." He hated the futility of it all. "I can say that I hope I won't make those mistakes. Say that this wasn't building from long before I even met you and that in a few decades it won't build all over again. I don't know why. I don't know what makes me different to all the others but this is me. This is something I can try to fight again. And I expect it will work, maybe even for 40, 50 years but he will return. You know that as well as I do and you need to decide if you can deal with that if he does. If you'd kill him to save me or wait for me to return. Lock him down or..."

He laughed bitterly. It seemed unlikely anything could put the monster down without killing him. He'd find a way out. He always did. It had taken Hell to give Hal the control back.

"I'm not fixed. If I was fixed hell would have taken him and left me. And I saw things down there, suffered things that I suspect will never leave me but as I said before I believe that I coped with it because it was no more than I deserved. It was penance for my many sins."

He sat down on the edge of the bed finding nothing out of place to take his focus.

"I'm clean. Suprisingly hell didn't think we needed to feed. I did wonder would it know me enough to sate the bloodlust and keep the monster but no. Its been 50 years since I've had a drop and 50 years of resisting temptations so from that side of things, you don't need to worry."

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[info]stucklikethis
2014-01-10 05:07 pm UTC (link)
Alex genuinely didn't know what to think, or how she was supposed to feel, or what she was even supposed to do. Part of her wanted to comfort Hal, even after everything he had done, another part wanted to scream at him that yes, he deserved everything that had come to him. Not because of what Lord Harry had done, but because he had been too weak and stupid to actually come and ask for help. And she had been stupid enough to trust that he would, that he would stick with his promise.

"The world nearly ended over Christmas, Hal, I don't think we're in a position to think about next year, let alone forty or fifty down the fucking line and..."

She trailed off, watching the way he sat on the bed, next to her, and she couldn't actually move. Not away, not closer to him, nothing.

"What do you even want from me? Want me to forgive you? Forgive him? Tell you what you're supposed to do now? Give me a fucking hint here because I have no clue what to do right now. So you don't need to be all detoxed, that's one good thing, but aside from that, I don't even know how I'm feeling about any of this, let alone what you actually want from me. So can you just fucking explain?"

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[info]needstheroutine
2014-01-11 11:34 pm UTC (link)
He didn't know what he wanted from her, that was the sad thing about this whole mess. He knew he wanted her to be alright with him again at some point, but forgiveness? No. He had no wish for that because that would imply what he'd done to her deserved that. And of course it did not. He had much to make up for and he did not know where to begin. He owed her so much. And he'd betrayed her trust, for blood, for giving in to the addiction.

"I don't want you to forgive it. But I need you to know that at that point I'm barely even myself anymore. Its me but its not me. And I don't know how else to explain it. I'm not excusing myself, I'm not saying it wasn't my fault or that I am not culpable for his actions but I just need you to understand. I do wish that I could explain why I'm like this, 500 years and I've never met another with my affliction."

He wondered was it a curse, or something from his life magnified manifold.

"I can only promise that I will try to be better for you. Try to be more. I can only promise that I will do everything I can to make up for my failure and endeavor that for at least a time you won't have to worry about my betraying you. I'll try to be better for you."

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[info]stucklikethis
2014-01-14 08:25 pm UTC (link)
Alex had no idea what to think, what to feel. How could she? How many girls out there could say their boyfriend had a murderous alter-ego? She had been the stupid one, in many ways. There was no way she could claim she hadn't had the warnings. He'd told her himself, so many times, that he was dangerous, that all this would happen some day.

And yet she had trusted him anyway. Fallen in love with him, had her heart broken. And still, she couldn't walk away. Every intelligent part of her said that she should walk away, leave all of this behind. But she was still a ghost. That permanent reminder that she couldn't be normal.

"Maybe you were schizo when you were human, or something." She sounded tired. It was impossible, she had no body, she couldn't be exhausted. But emotionally she felt beyond drained, the last few months being a nightmare.

"I don't know if it'll be enough." Her voice became small, quiet. "I think I want it to be. I think I want to be able to move on from this and accept you're back and know you'll be able to make it all up to me. But I honestly don't know if you can. Everything that happened. It hurt, Hal. It really hurt."

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[info]needstheroutine
2014-01-15 12:46 pm UTC (link)
They both wanted it to be enough. That much was obvious. There were feelings there than in 50 years had not changed for him, and Alex had hurt, had hurt so much she'd let herself lapse into becoming something beyond a ghost. He wondered if maybe she was right and it had been a human failing multiplied since he had been recruited.

"Its possible. That it carried over. I was not, I mean I had never been committed or anything which is what would have happened if I'd had a disordered mind but perhaps the change triggered it. I don't know. I don't understand why but it could be a reason. I don't know that it matters, does it? Overall."

He knew how much he'd hurt her. Of course he knew that. There was no easy explaination he could give to make it all okay again. He'd fallen and she hadn't noticed until it was too late. That was the end of it.

"I expect nothing from you. Its up to you, how often you see me, if you see me, any of it. All I want to do now is help you." he told her, gazing into ice blue eyes. "I caused this, and its not you. Its dangerous and you know it is. And so that will be my priority now. Helping you back from the brink."

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[info]stucklikethis
2014-01-17 08:12 pm UTC (link)
She had tried to stop loving him. Even at his worst, when every word was designed just to hurt her, she hadn't been able to completely turn off how she felt. Maybe that made her an idiot. Okay, it definitely made her an idiot, but hey, that was apparently who she was.

"But back in the Dark Ages that was you being human, didn't they burn people at the stake rather than commit them or whatever?" It wasn't like mental health was exactly understood back then. "And yeah, either way, it doesn't matter. Is what it is."

He had his murderous alter-ego, and that was it. It didn't really matter why it happened.

She managed to hold his gaze for a bit before looking away, actually ashamed of what she had become. "I don't know how to control it, not any more. I haven't really been around people, or pets, or buildings much lately. I seem to break stuff. I don't know how to come back from this."

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[info]needstheroutine
2014-01-21 03:55 pm UTC (link)
He didn't know how to help. That was the worst of it. How could he when it was his fault she was like this. He had caused it, hurt her so deeply and he didn't think he had any right to be the one telling her to pull back. God help him if she was the one shamed by all this. She had become this because of him, because of weakness and because he had tried so hard to walk that line, to feed the monster. He'd tried to stay focused for her, but bit by bit Lord Harry had clawed his way back, as he always did, worse than before, crueler.

"Then we can figure out how to control it. Or, rather, you...I don't know how I would help given I'm the cause but I have every faith that you can work past this, come back to yourself. You're strong Alex."

He reached for her hand but at the last moment hesitated, thinking better of it. Why would she want him touching her? Why would she want anything to do with him at all. He paused, trying to meet her gaze again. Knowing he needed to help her through this but having no idea where he could possibly even begin.

"I...he...pushed you into this, goaded you. Told you every single hurtful cruel thing he could think of. He wanted you to fade. Because he assumed if that happened I would fade too. He didn't expect this"

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[info]stucklikethis
2014-01-21 06:10 pm UTC (link)
She didn't know how he could help either, and that was the stupid thing. He had been partially responsible for her death, and then helped guide her through the being a ghost thing the first time. Now he was even more responsible for her whatever state of being and she had no idea how to fix it. Even though what she wanted way too much was to just hand all the problems to someone else and let them figure it out.

"I'm not that strong," she half muttered. "I guess it'll work out somehow. I mean it's not like my unfinished business is going to finish itself any time soon, so I have to work something out eventually."

Alex noticed the way he half reached for her hand, and wasn't even sure what to make of it. She couldn't take his, be the one to make that gesture, not yet, not when things still felt that raw, but she did move her hand closer to him. Just a little.

"Yeah, he did." There was no denying it. Lord Harry had been calculating and deliberate, each word he said designed to hurt her deeply. "Guess he didn't factor on the Scot getting angry instead of fading."

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[info]needstheroutine
2014-01-22 11:41 am UTC (link)
"Don't. Don't you dare. You are that strong. You are brave, and wisest of any of us and so very kind to those that need it. You are a good woman Alexandra Miller and I am only sorry you gave your heart to someone so dammed weak." It had been the same with Sylvie. Anyone he'd tried with, anyone he'd thought maybe this time it would be different. Leo had only managed him by locking him away from the world, being ready for whatever would come but losing out in the end to old age.

Her hand moved closer and Hal watched curiously, she couldn't do it. Not quite yet and he understood that, but the slight movement of her hand indicated that maybe there was a chance.

"He didn't. He doesn't see you as I do. He misses out on the brave, kind, wonderful woman that you are and saw only that you loved me. That you were a risk to him. He'd wanted to break you most of all I think. So dammed convinced he could put his plans into motion. And maybe if not for you, he could have."

And of course hell, hell had its part to play. The cage, the horrors even Lord Harry couldn't handle. He'd left them for Hal. Once again cleaning up the messes, waking up in the world the other had created.

"He knew I love you. And that you see, was the danger."

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[info]stucklikethis
2014-01-23 11:33 pm UTC (link)
Most girls would feel some level of joy at hearing that they were loved, but most girls weren't ghosts turned into poltergeists, full of rage and pain and being more than a little bit dead, because of the evil alter ego of the man they loved. So really, Alex knew her situation was somewhat unique.

"I did love you." Oh how she had loved him, to the point of it almost consuming her. "But it wasn't enough, was it. However much I loved you, I couldn't save you from becoming him again." Stupid little girl, wanting to believe that love could save all, that all could be made better with a kiss. She used to think she was too smart, too jaded to be that naive, but apparently she had been wrong.

"Do you still love me?" For some reason, it was important for her to know that. She didn't think she could even begin to handle the mess of her heart and her feelings just yet, but she had to know. "Even with what I've become, all that." She gestured at her ice blue eyes before she looked away. She had to make him see that what she was was more than just a change in eye colour.

And so she let go of the control she was keeping tightly wrapped around herself. Where once it had taken effort to use her powers, now it took a constant strain to keep the energy in place. When she let go, well. First the items in the room shook, a bottle smashing, the door rattling on its hinges. Then it was more than the room, it was the house, the entire house trembling in its foundations. A tree outside, branches swaying as if caught in a harsh wind.

It all only lasted a few seconds before she closed her eyes and concentrated, really concentrated, drawing the power all back in, the strain of it showing on her face before it all finally stilled again. A few moments ticked by before she made herself look up at Hal again.

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[info]needstheroutine
2014-01-25 08:30 am UTC (link)
"Your love is what kept me holding on for as long as I did. In truth Alex, there was nothing that could have saved me. He infects, he gets under the skin and then I...by the time I'd noticed how far I'd fallen it was too late. He's not a war I can ever win. That's what I've come to understand, and yet every time I think maybe I should just be staked, that the world should be safe from me, I wonder if instead, this is the time I'll win. Its why I try, over and over, cycle after cycle. Its why I'm still here. Because hope is a powerful thing but love is even more powerful. And I want to be better for you. I want to be the man you deserve."

He watched as she let go of her control. Every fibre of his being telling him to run. Telling him poltergeists were rage and fury and anger and nothing else. But he stayed. Because it was Alex. Because it was the woman he still loved and because of course he had caused this.

And the strength it must have taken for her to pull it all back in.

"Of course I still love you. Don't you see that's why he targeted you so completely. He knew, you had my heart. You still do." He finally reached out and let his hand meet hers and loosely intertwine, not knowing how she'd react or what she'd do. "Even at the depths of it, even when I was drinking blood. I thought I could control it and keep myself safe. And I wanted to be safe for you. I wanted to slow the cycle as much as I could. I didn't want to leave you with him for decades. And I know you told me it would happen. I know you told me I didn't want help. But there's no stopping the change, all I wanted to do was have more time with you. But I was a fool to hope for better."

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[info]stucklikethis
2014-01-25 03:48 pm UTC (link)
She wanted to believe him, she wanted to not blame herself for not seeing the signs, even after seeing them all before. "I just wish you'd talked to me. After everything we've been through, you couldn't come to me and ask for help. Maybe there's nothing I could have done to stop it, but I could have been prepared." They could have found some way to lock Hal up, in the Fortress or something. But then again, if they had, Hal would never have fallen into the Cage, and would still be Lord Harry, mocking them all from his prison. And Alex genuinely didn't know if she could last 50 years like this, as a poltergeist, so cut off from everyone.

It was strange, how even a ghost took deep breaths to calm herself again, to keep the power under control, wrapped tightly around herself again. Probably something to do with symbolism or some such shit. Who the hell knew. But that was what she did, and everything else became still.

When he reached for her hand, she didn't pull away. Nor did she do anything to tighten the grip, but she did stare at the way his fingers were brushed over hers, the first real contact she'd had with anyone in weeks. "So now it starts again, right? 50 years before he comes back?" Did she dare to hope that maybe they could manage it this time? Come up with a solution? "Hal, what do we even do now?"

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[info]needstheroutine
2014-01-26 08:14 pm UTC (link)
She didn't pull away. And that had to mean something, didn't it. If not that she still loved him that perhaps there was a chance. Perhaps there was something in her that would allow her to fight back against what he'd caused her to become. "Maybe I could have asked you for help. Maybe I knew it was ultimately futile. Maybe I didn't want to get your hopes up knowing the truth about what he is and what he could say. And think what you like, locking him up for 50 years he'd still be dangerous. It could be that you could contain him but what if there came a point people went home. The securities you had put in place might have gone with them. You might have gone. Leaving him, with the world at his feet."

On some level he'd hoped someone would have staked him. Taken away the choice he so wanted to make but never quite could. The one time he had in fact, it had been Alex and Tom that had pulled him back from the brink.

"You can't say fifty years and expect it to be a perfect approximation of time. It's been fifty, its been twenty. He doesn't run to schedule, and sometimes I suppose it depends on events. I can usually tell when...when he's close. But sometimes, if there's something to fight for I can hold on. Which is what I did. For you, because you were something to fight for. I tried to contain him. Tried to ensure I remained in control. And for longer than usual I did. But it doesn't always play out like I'd hope."

As to what they did now? That he didn't know, not really.

"I expect we make that up as we go along? I will reestablish routine, I will ensure I keep as safe as I can. And you...you'll find yourself again. If I can help with that then I will but as I said, if I cannot. If I am hindering you, then do tell me."

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