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Tweak says, "theres naught so queer as folk"

Rose Tyler Will Defend the Earth (plusone) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2014-01-05 23:48:00

Entry tags:

rose tyler, the doctor (9)

Who: Rose Tyler (open to anyone on the TARDIS)
What: The first weekend home doesn't go well
When: Late night Sunday
Where: Her bedroom on the TARDIS
Warnings: Language, visual images, a dark mental state...

After being brought home so many times in the gate, Rose refused to trust that this was the real thing. Oh, people's words were lovely. They were happy she was back, they would help keep her safe. The Doctor took her home to her room on the TARDIS and she didn't protest, though she initially froze on going through the door. That was always the most horrifying, the most vividly graphic of the betrayals. When the TARDIS fought against her, took it out on her for ripping her soul apart and making it Rose's own.

She didn't feel anything like herself. It wasn't like Rose Tyler to be jumpy. Scared she could do, but she usually handled it with grace and determination. Now? Now she heard noises that made her flinch. She was on edge, every nerve in her body tensed to move at a moment's notice. Just in case. Just in case this was it. The person to turn on her before she was ripped back into some other scenario.

It had been an entire day, though that meant nothing. She'd once been given two years of believing she was home and safe before someone turned on her. It had been John that time. His ordinarily warm eyes turning cold, an icy shade of blue as he declared her a selfish bitch, reminded her that she never should have come back, and then... Well. Same as always, wasn't it? If it was possible to get used to being killed by the people you loved, Rose Tyler was.

She sat curled in a ball, her knees tucked into her chest. The room was familiar and terrifying all at the same time. Nothing was comfortable anymore. Nothing was safe. Even the things she'd known since she'd first arrived in Lawrence had her on edge. It had been so long since she'd been allowed to properly sleep. First the nightmares, then the pain. Two nights of pre-battle sleep and then... Fifty years and it wasn't like she was given a good night's rest in the cage.

That didn't seem to matter to her mind. Her body craved it, needed it. She'd doze off for moments at a time before she'd jerk awake, certain she would have to fight off her fellow cage inmates, or the people of Lawrence, or an army of Daleks. She finally stretched out on the bed, not bothering with the duvet. Maybe she deserved to be cold. In some ways, she craved it. Cold was a feeling, a temperature. And she wanted to feel, so desperately.

Her eyes drifted close, despite her efforts, and how she wished they hadn't. The first thing she heard was the screaming. She had no idea whose, but it had happened on the battle field. Then the images started filling her head. The Doctor being tortured. The silence that followed Becker's orders. All of it leading up to her decision to give herself up.

Those images were painful but manageable. It was what came after that was the hardest. Killing Rebekah, who was, by all rights, unkillable. Stabbing Tony, him trying to flirt with her with his last breath. Her own death, so many times over. Watching the Center, the TARDIS, everything she loved burn.

Rose wasn't a vampire. She was unable to turn her emotions on and off with a switch. But how she wished she could, and when she finally struggled to wake up, it was a scream, wrenching from somewhere deep inside of her. She didn't even know the sound was her until she lost her breath and began gasping for air.

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heisnoone
2014-01-07 10:11 pm UTC (link)

Nine didn't know what to do. It was times like these when he hated what he was. Times like this when he was so obviously alien it was almost painful. He didn't know how to fix human emotion, most of his life he'd never wanted to. Until Rose. He never wanted to see her hurt. Physically he could manage, but emotionally he hadn't a clue how to fix. The TARDIS herself couldn't fix what the cage had done, neither could his sonic screw driver. He'd been tinkering with it, trying to figure out exactly what happened to the Vortex when he heared that scream. That shrill scream that caused him to pocket the item and drop everything. Roses pain.

He didn't know what he could do to fix it, or help it along or anything like that but he knew he couldn't ignore it. Nothing could make him do such a thing. Not his own doubt or anger at the world and it's current state, nothing mattered in that moment except getting to her even when he didn't have the slightest idea what he was going to do when he got there. He thought better under pressure anyway. Most of the time. This sort of pressure though..who knew?

This was the sort he'd always told those he traveled with he was rubbish at. If they wanted to get their feelings out to talk to someone else. But this was Rose. He would tear down hell for her. There was little limits what he would do if it meant keeping her safe and happy.

Since she'd returned she wasn't the same. She wasn't the girl who loved life, and Nine worried endlessly. Rose was the one who cared about humanity. Nine didn't quite know how. He'd become quite a bit better at it since meeting her, but he was no human. It wasn't ingrained in him to care. Rose had done that. Had shown him human potential and softened him. What had that meant for her now? Was he supposed to become the one who showed her the way? He didn't know how to, but if he was able, he would give it a try.

Anything for Rose.

He pushed open her door and slid close to the bed. "Rose? Rose, it's me. The Doctor. You're safe. You're home, with me. The TARDIS is really quite thrilled about it. It's real." He reached out to touch her arm, grip her and give her some sort of reassurance that she really was where he said she was.

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plusone
2014-01-08 05:51 am UTC (link)

What the Doctor had meant to be reassuring, though, only caused the panic to swell up in her. The moment his hand touched her arm, she flinched and jerked away, fear overtaking her. This was it. It would be him this time. Never get comfortable, never feel too safe. Because that's when it would happen.

She struggled to see him in the dark of her room. He looked and felt so real. The smell of leather from his jacket, the shine of bright blue eyes. But that meant little. Hell had presented a very convincing image of home. And it was, now. Lawrence had become home to her after almost three years. Then, though... Then she just desperately wanted her mother, the safety and comfort of the Estate.

"Please..." she gasped, her breath short and painful. It hurt to breathe. "Please, don't... I can't... Not you. I hate when it's you." She couldn't help it. The first few times, she'd tried to at least keep her dignity as she was betrayed, hurt by those she loved so deeply. By the fifth time, she'd given up. She never pleaded for her life. It didn't matter, she could beg all day, it wasn't going to save her. But she wasn't afraid to break down any more. She didn't care if they saw her cry.

Being killed by anyone you loved was hard. But there were ones that stood out. Oh, the TARDIS made it the most painful. A long, slow, burning process, usually from the inside out. Guy's hurt because she'd trusted him despite everything and yet, she so often died at his hand. Bo's... Well, any time a four year-old turned violent it was disturbing, but one she loved so much? That was even more difficult.

But the Doctor... That one was always one of the worst. She loved him, she cared for him, she'd changed the entire world for him more than once. And yet he would still end her life and she couldn't handle it.

She curled up into herself, trying to make it harder for him to grasp her. Physically, she was shaking violently, so hard her teeth chattered, and it wouldn't matter. Her time was limited now. She could only hope it wasn't as painful this time. At least maybe he could spare her that much, and then maybe she'd get a brief reprieve and get to go watch her love life crumble all around her. That one was always fun.

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heisnoone
2014-01-09 12:12 am UTC (link)

He couldn't even touch her. At this rate he was really considering every option, desirable or not to help her through this. He'd heard of creatures that could take memories away. He wondered if they existed in Kansas too, he'd seen people speak of turning off emotion-he didn't know if that would help or hurt but he needed to try something. Anything to help her, but he didn't know what that anything was and he hated feeling so lost when it came to Rose. She was the one who helped find him, how did he help her find herself again?

It'd only been a weekend, he knew that. But how much more of this could she take? Humans weren't meant to suffer hell like she had. No amount of chips or travel would cure it. Perhaps nothing would, he could feel his hearts sink as he watched her skitter back away from him. Tears in her eyes because of his touch, he lowered his hand and just sat there watching. Uncertain how to fix it. If it could be fixed at all.

"Okay. It's okay. I won't.." She hated when it was him, those words weren't supposed to hurt but they did. Still he gave her a forced smile. "Nothings going to hurt you here. Nothing. You're home. Listen to the TARDIS love." Maybe the TARDIS could help to ground her if he couldn't. He sat near, but didn't dare move again. Didn't want to be the cause of more of her pain. This was his worst fear. Directly causing pain to those few he actually cared for.

"You can get through this. I know you will." He wanted to reach out again to her, but he actually feared it. Still, the way she shook at his presence. He had to do something. He held out his hand, maybe he could get her to come to him the way he had in the past. The way she'd took it and trusted him before, maybe he could get her to do it herself.

"Rose. It's me. Take my hand. Only you can do it." Forcing Rose to do anything wasn't a possibility even when she wasn't so terrified. She had to fix it herself. The Doctor couldn't coddle as much as he wanted to when it came to her. If she didn't break it herself, it never would and she'd be trapped in this state of fear. "I'm not going to hurt you."

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plusone
2014-01-09 04:38 am UTC (link)

"She hates me," she whimpered, referring to the machine she still considered home. The one she'd used and abused, the one she had pleaded with to save her Doctor, and combined with. In some ways it had made them closer than ever. There was a bond there that could never be touched now. In other ways... Rose knew what Hell had shown her. How the TARDIS despised her for what she had done, how it could so easily destroy her if it chose. She shouldn't even be there, but she still somehow felt safer there than anywhere else in Lawrence.

If only she'd remembered to lock the door.

"Home... What the hell does that even mean anymore?" Her eyes glanced sideways, looking at the offered hand. It felt so familiar. Her hand would still very easily fit in his, her fingers interlocking with the dry, weathered hand that had seen so much. It was a different fit than she'd find with his next regeneration, but no less comforting. Except when that hand pulled her towards her inevitable death.

She squeezed her eyes shut tight, refusing to be swayed. If he wanted her dead, he'd have to do it on his own. She wouldn't keep letting them fool her, letting them guide her to her death. And such a violent death it usually was.

"Just do it," she finally snapped, glaring up at him before burying her face into her knees. She couldn't watch him do it. She'd learned long ago she couldn't face them when it happened. Not those she loved so much. If strangers were hurting her, that was one thing. But not her kind hearted John, her stoic Guy, her sweet baby Bo, or the Doctor...her rock, her support. Watching him end her life would never, ever be something she could do.

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heisnoone
2014-01-15 09:24 pm UTC (link)

"Don't be silly." He frowned a little. "If she had she wouldn't have let you in, no matter if you were with me or not." He was going to try logic but he wasn't sure how it'd work on someone in such an emotional state. Emotions were not the Doctor's strong point. He knew that, he hated it but he knew it. He was through and through an alien. Human emotions were not a thing he knew how to fix or even cope with half the time. It was why he stayed away from domestic spats. That, and well a whole other can of worms he wasn't about to let his mind dive into while he tried to reassure his best friend he wasn't going to rip her heart out any time soon. Or any other form of killing her like she thought he might.

There were many ways to die with the Doctor, but purposely by his hand was a way he was not going to allow her to think about if he could help it.

His hearts broke for her when she refused his hand. His sweet best friend was the one who was supposed to thrive in places like this, normal Earth type places. Not be torn down to this shell of what she was now. This wasn't fair. He'd seen how much she did for those people and to be so afraid of every move he made he didn't know the first way how to help and it just wasn't fair. Not to either of them.

He stood. "I won't." Maybe this was for him if he stayed, and that wasn't the idea. He was trying to help her. "But remember, she doesn't allow anyone inside she doesn't want or doesn't love. Neither of us do." He lowered his hand, aware she wasn't ready to take it, and headed for the door to give her some well deserved peace. He didn't raise a single movement that might startle her into thinking he was about to hurt her, he just left.

"I won't be far away love. But I will be here for you. You know that somewhere I think you know that."

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