"Doctor. Can do it myself." He said with a small frown. He refused food though finally he was technically able to eat solids now a week later. His stomach couldn't handle hospital food. He refused most visitors, though he didn't want to be cruel he just didn't want to be babied. He'd done that once already, and he didn't do enough for himself. He was almost sure that's where he went wrong. Before he met Sherlock, he was alone. He was able to stand on his own two feet. He needed to get back to that, but it wasn't the easiest. He didn't want to be that person. That one with no one to care for, but for his sanity maybe he had to be for a while. Maybe he had to care for himself or he might as well have let Moriarty end him.
He couldn't let every set back destroy him again, heart and soul. He knew his friends would worry, but he was not a weak man anymore. He'd lost Sherlock more times now than anyone should have to lose their best friend and he needed to let it harden him or slip away forever. He wasn't sure which he wanted to do, but for some reason he was still alive. He hadn't just died upon being brought into the hospital, so it was for some reason he lived. And maybe only for curiosity's sake he continued to function so he might figure out why one day.
Dull eyes watched Khan when he came around. "Yeah." He responded quietly. That was his only saving grace right now. That was the thing he was clinging to, and it was pathetic. Still John wasn't sure what else to cling to, everything had this way of slipping out of his hands lately. He was entirely miserable and it showed on his face no matter how much he tried to hide it. He could still remember the day Sherlock called him and told him he'd have to find a new subject to write about. He had hardly written anything since.
His passion for it was just smothered and he didn't know how to fix it. Writing used to bring him joy, doctoring used to bring him a sense of accomplishment, but lately all he'd felt was empty. He was going through the motions of life and now he was paying for it.
He began to reach over with his hand to carefully and correctly remove the equipment he was attached to. He wanted out of the hospital and couldn't take another minute of it, the walls felt as though they were starting to close in. He worked quickly, only drawing the slightest bit of blood from his wrist in the process and wincing just a little. Struggling with things because of the sedation he was under, but finally he freed himself and began to attempt to stand. He nearly fell. Reaching a shaking arm out to catch himself, he took a painful step forward again to push himself up and toward the door.