Katherine Pierce believes her own lies. (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} believesownlies) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} wariscoming,@ 2013-10-17 22:13:00 |
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A breakdown of sorts and then some epic levels of determination. Idek guys, just go with it.
Thursday night, October 17, 2013; The abandoned house she's isolated herself to.
PG-13ish (dark themes, a bit of language)/Complete
She was simply going to be herself, the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.
Katherine was alone. Physically, she was sitting in the abandoned house she'd found about a week ago. Originally meant to be something so that Moriarty didn't know where she actually was staying these days, but now a necessity because she needed to be isolated. And boy was she, both literally and physically. She was away from all the people that even gave two damns about her and her well being. She was being pushed back into a box she thought she'd left behind a year ago, but apparently she just couldn't cling onto the good side of the game. She wasn't evil, not inherently or anything, but she was self-serving, always put herself first above everything and everyone else.
Oh, she had played her part when she came back, people giving her this one last chance to prove she was really serious about trying to be different. And she had done so well for so long. Until...
She could see the moment in her memory so perfectly, playing through like a reel of film in her mind. The day Hal had met with her, begged her and pleaded with her to give him "just a little". The idea of it made her shudder. Her friend, one of the ones she trusted almost completely, and this is what it had come down to? And it didn't stop there. Of course it didn't, no instead it continued and now... well, now it had snowballed right into this mess she found herself in.
Katherine wasn't sure how she was going to get out of all of this now. She'd already been given three chances. The first time when this little side of good venture started and even more peopled doubted her then than they did now. Then, there was everything that happened upon Dark's return. Ironic, really, considering she was just trying to do the right then and help a kid who felt lonely and scared. Except he wasn't just a kid after all. Finally, when she came back, all weak and fragile and human... hey gave her a chance then too. And what had she done? She blew it.
And the worst part of all of it? She had hurt Elijah. Again. It was all she ever seemed to do to him and still he stood by her. Why? She couldn't fathom the answer to that question. One thing after another, over and over again, all she did was prove his family right. She wasn't worthy of him, he deserved better, so much better, but instead he stuck on her side and she didn't know if she would ever understand why. The man who loved her more than any of them ever had... and she just railroaded him again.
And then there was Regina, her best friend who had a similar affliction against the masses. They were two sides of the same coin in a lot of ways and so they'd been drawn together because they had a common goal. They had been through a lot in their time together in Lawrence and even when her friend had hit rock bottom, Katherine stayed with Regina, took her side. And yet she still couldn't fathom why the woman stayed. Katherine Pierce was trouble. Katherine Pierce made you a damn target for people.
These and a thousand other things were running through her mind as she sat alone in the empty, abandoned house. She had done so many things to so many people and she didn't know why anyone would even want to give her a chance anymore. They didn't have any reason to, not when all she ever did was screw it up every time they tried to extend the olive branch.
It was funny how, even though she didn't have to breathe, her chest hurt as she drew her knees up in the chair and wrapped her arms around her legs, tears rushing in a flow down her cheeks and she was gasping for air. All the makings of a panic attack except that she didn't have to breathe, so there was no real risk of any negative effect from it. Not physically, anyway.
How could she have been so stupid? He had told her, hadn't he? Hal had told her, quite specifically, exactly how all of this would play out. And what had she done? She'd played right into the other side's hand. Done exactly what he predicted, exactly what he wanted and the fact that she'd allowed herself to be used in that way made her sick. She never allowed people to run her over like that. Who did he think he was, directing her around like a fucking lapdog? Like she was some puppet at his control. She was not. She was Katherine fucking Pierce and she was controlled by no one.
Katherine had almost forgotten just how quickly emotions could cycle when you were a vampire. The tears and the jagged breaths stopped almost instantly as everything just kind of steeled over. She let her legs slide down until her feet touched the floor, reaching up to wipe the remnants of tears away from her cheeks. Katherine was done with this. So what if people hated her. She'd been hated before and made it off just fine. If Klaus could get away with everything he had in recent weeks and not have any ill effects shoved in his direction, she could be increasingly more subtle than he was and be fine.
In that moment, there was a small list of things she had already decided. She was going to get herself back in control, she had to, for the sake of, well, humanity. Because the last thing any of them needed was Katherine as an out of control new vampire. She was going to do whatever it would take to get Elijah back. She had to prove to him that she did not think of him as nothing more than a simple means to an end. He wasn't nothing to her. The love that she felt for him, and him for her if he still felt anything toward her at all, she didn't think of it as a joke. And more than anything else, she decided no matter what, she was staying true to who she was. No one's begging or pleading or reasoning was going to make her falter in being exactly who she had always been. She had lost a part of what made her her during this redemption nonsense and as a human. She was done playing the roles other people expected her to play or be who others wanted her to be. She was simply going to be herself, the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.