InsaneJournal

He'd walked for longer than he'd expected, to the point he wasn't even sure he was anywhere near the house anymore. Fires still raged, people still huddled scared, the city was buzzing with news, scared humans suddenly burdened with the knowledge that their world was no longer just theirs. If they believed it, the news had been saying all sorts, superhuman abilities, war burning at the heart of their quaint little college town and none of them had been any the wiser. Nor, of course, were they any wiser about the ticking timebomb burning in the midst of it. One that had lost possibly the first person in a thousand years to make him think that maybe things could be different. Maybe he could have a chance to trust, to believe in something. Not to be consumed by the paranoia and anger that had been building even before his mother and her husband had decided to turn their children into monsters to protect them from other monsters. Niklaus Mikaelson was broken, and he had been broken so many times before but he knew too that that was weakness. He was scared, and of course for that, to admit that, he had to be alone. Oh he'd snapped when he'd seen his sister and Stefan. Just a hand on her shoulder but he'd known. They were in love and Stefan was going to do what he'd feared in the 1920's. He was going to take Rebekah away from him. The one of his siblings that had always stood by him no matter how he'd hurt her. Alexander, Marcel, Emil, so many unworthy of her. In and out of her bed, for power, for a way to him, and yes, he supposed some of them may even have believed they loved her and were worthy of her hand. But they didn't need her as he did.

Especially now. With Caroline gone, and god, that word still burned on his heart. Gone, gone forever and not coming back, he had snapped. He'd lashed out and now they hated him He'd been right about them and right about this blasted city and its war. Everyone turned on him eventually. Of course, if he'd admit it to himself, it was his fault, the vicious cycle, he was paranoid, he lashed out because they hated and feared him and so they hated him. So they thought him unworthy of their trust. But for a thousand years he'd done everything he could to make himself untouchable. No one would see just how deeply the scars ran. Mikael, his mother, Finn, his hybrids, Tyler Lockwood,  betrayal after betrayal by his siblings, the daggers used when he'd gone too far, when they were finally ready to abandon him. Caroline had been his saving grace. And without her, it was easier to be despised. Easier to break Rebekah's heart because in the long run she would forgive even this. Stefan had tried, he'd even played a good game. But the Ripper would never have shown such compassion to a grieving Rebekah and so he'd given himself away. And then in an instant, with a bite, infecting Stefan with the bite of the Original Hybrid Klaus had sealed his fate. Because he would never give him the cure.

They could ask. He wanted them to ask. He wanted them to beg, to plead, to offer him one thing after the other. When they did he would ask them why, ask them why Stefan should live when she should not. Why, in this burning world should one life matter just because he was loved. Let them hate him. Hate, Klaus understood. He thrived on it, backed into a corner, people planing ways to kill him. He knew this world and he could play his part perfectly. And maybe then, maybe if he did that then he wouldn't see her face when he closed his eyes, maybe he wouldn't instinctively turn to her side of the bed upon waking as he had for the past two nights. Maybe then love, the weakness he had allowed himself for the beautiful, vivacious Caroline Forbes, the one woman who had never feared him, who had never pandered to him, who had told him when he was being a monster and yet who had also told him that she knew he was capable of being saved. Matt Donovan had been right too of course. She'd have hated this, she'd have begged him to save Stefan, and at a word from her he'd probably have done it. Allowed his sister her happiness. Allowed Stefan his life

But why should they be happy when everything Klaus had dared to allow himself to dream had been pulled from him so pointlessly.

Most would have rallied on. Elijah would have, he'd have put all of his energies into fighting the war, and Klaus had briefly considered it, but he knew the truth of that, if he let them in, if he let anyone in even for a second, they would eventually turn on him too, as they all did, as everyone did. It was better to be alone. It was better not to allow the weakness in.

"You don't get it do you, you still don't see that its what drew me in. The goodness in you"

He blinked, tears in his eyes as he realised where he'd wandered to. He was in a park. The same park in fact where he had had 'Lessons in Caroline' He'd held her hand, told her Tyler wasn't worthy of her love and he'd promised her he'd try to be better, god he'd promised her redemption. Because in her eyes he could be more than what he'd made himself. She, more than any bar his siblings saw through the walls. He'd had a chance with her. For her, he should have been willing to listen to Matt, he should have been willing to save Stefan. But there was too much anger, there always had been. Too much paranoia. He needed to be hated. He wanted to be hated.

"I'm sorry love, I suppose it wasn't enough" he told her" shaking his head. One moment of weakness. He would allow himself that, and then he would continue through life, he'd rebuild his lost control. Get his siblings back in line. If he had to be in this blasted world without her then this was how he'd do it. Control. It was all he had left.