|Connor Temple is accidentally in trouble (not_r2d2) wrote in wariscoming,|
@ 2013-10-08 00:34:00
|Entry tags:||connor temple|
Who: Connor Temple (open to Kon, but can stand as a narrative)
What: Everything finally sinks in
When: Laaaaate last night, Sunday the 6th
and Abby's flat
Warnings: All the feels
It probably didn’t show at the time, but Connor really was appreciative of what his friends were trying to do. Looking out for him, coming by to see him, expressing their sympathies. No. No, that wasn’t the right word. Because Abby wasn’t dead. She was gone, she’d been taken from him, but she wasn’t dead and he refused to believe it would happen to her. Regardless, they were trying to be supportive. But all he really wanted to do was be left alone.
Kon wouldn’t leave, though. Becker had spent some time with him, but Connor had honestly been grateful when he’d left to spend time with Jack. Yet he couldn’t quite shake Kon. His best friend was being as supportive as he possibly could and Connor should have been grateful. But he couldn’t form words. He hated anyone seeing him like this. So he simply sat in the living room where Kon had once lay on the couch after Abby had tranquilized him. He sat on the new, not-Kryptonian-broken couch, curled up in a ball, staring at the turned off television. Once in a while he’d flip it on, but the channel was whatever Abby had last been watching, and Connor just couldn’t do it. He’d turn it right back off.
For his part, Kon didn’t seem to find it necessary to force him to talk and he was glad. Connor was enjoying the numbing feeling. Anymore thought, anymore dwelling, and he’d break. It was like losing Cutter all over again. Or Stephen, or Tom. Jillian. It hurt so much, but if he didn’t think, he’d be all right. He could pretend. Pretend it wasn’t happening, pretend everything was fine.
But the moment came when he couldn’t do it anymore. When night fell and ordinarily, Abby would’ve been walking in the door from work. Rex would have flown around her head, chirping happily, and Stevie would’ve bounded over to the door, skidding to a stop. They’d have made dinner together, or he might have even already had dinner waiting. He’d ask about her day, she’d ask about his. It was the perfect scene of domestic bliss and he still couldn’t believe it had been his. Now he couldn’t believe it had been his for such a short amount of time.
And sometimes? It was really hard not to take it personally. Why did the world seem to have it out for him?
He got to his feet, not excusing himself or anything. By that time, he barely even noticed Kon was still in the room. He made his way to the bedroom, the one that was now only his. Her side of the bed was still rumpled, as if she’d only just gotten out of it. When, in fact, he’d woken up that morning to find her already gone. Many of her belongings were gone, too. So little left to remember her by, and yet he knew, even if the Seal kept him here for fifty more years, he couldn’t forget her.
Laying on the bed, in the spot where he’d slept beside her almost every night since Hawaii, he twisted his wedding band around his finger. Her father’s wedding band. They had been her one true sign of real love before him. And him...well, it had always been her. Even his feelings for Kim hadn’t erased the memory of Abby Maitland. He’d been so sure she’d never notice him as anything but her flatmate and friend. And she had and why did he have to lose her? He’d finally won. He finally had the one thing he’d ever truly asked for for himself. Now she was gone. He hadn’t even had a chance to say goodbye.
Desperately, his brain fought to try and think. To remember, to imagine what Cutter might say or suggest. And he couldn’t. Because Cutter was gone. Just one more person he hadn’t been able to save. The man had died at his side and he couldn’t save him. He was so, so tired of losing everyone he loved. Maybe it just wasn’t worth it. Maybe Abby had been right all along and love was stupid.
It was that thought, the memory of his once cynical wife who had, despite everything, fallen in love with him, that broke him. And he didn’t even try and fight it anymore. The wave of tears, the gripping heaves that forced him to sit up as he sobbed every emotion that had been waging war inside of him since the moment he’d opened his eyes to find the love of his life gone. His ribs hurt, his chest ached, but he couldn’t make it stop and he was so tired of fighting that he didn’t even try.