The mother that had made a deal. The Hunter that should have known better, Ruby looked away for a moment trying to collect her thoughts as best she could. Trying to work out some way to explain this. "It was the deal that got your mother. He got to come into your home, one night uninterrupted. She interupted. That was what did it. Jessica...I guess he thought you didn't need the attachment. I'm not defending it. Its just, how it was. She was so normal and good that it would have made everything all that much harder. And for what its worth he didn't plan that with Jake. Worked out well for the demons in the long run, with Dean and all. But Azazel always wanted it to be you that won out. It doesn't make what we took from you any more defensible but its true."
He was giving her bedding, actual bedding that she could try and get comfortable in the trap with. He didn't have to do that. And where would he sleep?. She didn't ask though because he was still questioning her. "Few days. I was supposed to kill for her, to prove my loyalty. She's having me watched but I'd say we gave them the slip between Lawrence and here. Plus she doesn't know I'm wearing the hex bags. But she'll figure it out. We have to watch the seals carefully now. Talk to Anna maybe, work out a stratagy cause she'll want to goad you. I expect on some level she wants to die. Lucifer rising is all some of us have wanted for as long as Azazel told us it was a possibility." She remembered so clearly the day he'd found the little nun factory he'd had such fun in. He'd told her all about it, how he'd spoken to Lucifer himself. All of it, and Ruby had wanted nothing more than to make it happen for him.
He'd be dissapointed in her now. Just like Sam was.
"You have every right to be dissapointed. I lied about so much of what I was, and you had this image in your head of this wonderful demon, so different than the rest, just like you, not like everyone else but still good, right? Still fighting, just like you. And I'm sorry Sam. I'm sorry I couldn't be that for you. I wanted to be. I nearly let myself believe I was cause it would make you happy. I just wanted to make you happy. But it would have been more lies and much as you say you'd rather I hadn't told you, thats not true. What if I'd led you there, still loving you, still feeling like I do, but you'd gone ahead and killed her and Lucifer had walked. This was the only way. I had to just admit it."
She arranged the bedding, she'd be cold however much she had, because he was here and she wasn't wrapped into him. He wasn't keeping her warm anymore. He'd never touch her like that again.
"I suppose to you I am disgusting, and the lies, bab.." she cut herself off from the pet name, she had to or she'd have cried again. "I'm so sorry for the lies. It was easy when I didn't love you."