Normal was so over rated yet so cherished. People didn't appreciate it until it was gone from their lives, like smoke through their fingers. Taunting. Lingering. But never able to truly be grasped again. Elusive. It wasn't fair. And Matt had lost it because of the drama of her being involved with vampires just like everyone from Mystic Falls had. And god she hated herself for the pain everyone else had suffered on her account. It was bubbling up, always a reminder the more people who showed up from Mystic Falls. She hadn't forgotten, but the constant reminder was almost as bad as the ghosts. Almost because the ghosts had always been there.
The first question was just met with a nod. Matt knew who that could entail. Who it basically did entail even without having to say it. Mystic Falls was so small, the damage from the supernatural and the connections to her so obvious.
"Just saying things that I already knew... that I already told myself."
She needed to move. Maybe it was the fact that she had been letting things pile up for the past few months, ever since Rose had been attacked really. Because that happened, then the alternates, then the sudden onslaught of Mystic Falls into Lawrence.... and now Anakin was gone. Again.
"How everyone I touch gets ruined. How it' would be better if I just died because all I do is bring pain and suffering."
Laughing weakly, she shook her head, twisting her hair as she paced.
"Anakin stopped me... reached me before I could.... but he's gone now and it's better for him even if it means he's dead because it means I can't ruin his life like I've ruined yours and everyone else's by surviving that stupid crash. God."
As she paced, she had started to speak faster, trying not to cry.
"He shouldn't have stopped me."
The second the words were out of her mouth, Elena stopped, covering her mouth in shock. Had she managed to bury that feeling so deep within herself that she hadn't realize it was there? It wouldn't be the first time she had managed to bury all of her emotions under a mask of being fine. It was the thing she'd been trying to work on, yet with everything happening she had fallen back into that habit. It cracks had started earlier in the month. The realization she was nothing but an object to people, the reckless endangerment and not caring one way or the other... but this?
She hadn't even realized it, yet now that she had voiced it out loud, it was obvious to Elena that it was true. And she didn't know how to react to that. She didn't know how to react to herself.