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Tweak says, ""The stupid - it burns!""

Emma Swan finally found her fairytale (lostfairytale) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2013-07-17 11:33:00

Entry tags:

belle french, emma swan

Who: Emma Swan and Open to Casa de Storybrooke but otherwise narrative
When: Early morning. July 17th. Yeah.
Where: Home
What: It's been a year since her life changed forever. Emma's caught herself doing some reflecting
Warnings: Jim Moriarty should be a warning in and of himself

Also, thanks to Briege, for I have kidnapped Jim's words

Wednesday started like any other day. To be honest, Emma hadn't really thought about the date much. She knew it was coming. Her little girl's age was proof enough of that. But she'd been busy. Getting Henry to and from camp, worrying over Neal being around, trying to be a good friend, daughter, and girlfriend, and of course, being a mommy. Aislinn was teething and starting to get more confident in her crawling and taking care of her was a full time job in itself. And yes, she had more help than she could have even imagined having when she'd first found out she was pregnant, but she still stayed constantly on the go.

She woke early, careful not to wake Graham who had at least another hour he could sleep before getting up for work. She peeked her head into Henry's room before making her way to the nursery and scooping up her fussy baby. The little girl was running a low grade fever, as she had off and on since those first teeth had started to come in. Already she could see the tips of them peeking through little pink gums and while Emma was ecstatic, she'd be grateful when her daughter wasn't in so much pain.

And so they settled into their daily routine. Changing the baby and then feeding her and dressing her in a soft pink onesie. Making their way through the huge house and down into the living area. Everyone else in the house had settled quite brilliantly into life with a baby and so her toys and her playmat were easily accessible. Emma settled Aislinn on the floor on the squishy, multi-colored rug and sat plenty of toys within her reach. Then she sat on the floor by her side and turned on the television, letting the news run while she waited for the rest of the house to start stirring.

She was stacking brightly colored rings in place when it hit her. "Good morning!" the news anchor announced, her voice far too chipper for barely 6am. "Today is Wednesday, July 17th, and you're watching..."

If you love me. If you want us to work, to go on from here. If you want the world like I promised then you don’t ask questions.

Did it really matter what station they were watching? The words hit her like a ton of bricks. Of course. How could she have let it slip her mind? Probably because she'd fought like hell to move on. She'd had no choice. Her little boy needed her, and she'd had to take care of herself for her daughter's sake. Though some days, she really did believe her kids were the only reason she was still alive. Whether from someone else's gun, or her own.

A year. It had been one year to the day since she'd made the phone call that would change her world forever. One year since she'd given permission...no, since she'd all but asked John Watson to kill a man who she still, to that day, truly believed had loved her. Someone who had gone out of his way to make her feel important and special. Like she deserved a story to be written.

The father of the little girl gleefully banging a tiny keyboard.

I just have to put the very last nail in the coffin and its done.

No. She shook her head furiously, blonde curls bouncing wildly. No, he was not her father. At least, he wasn't her daddy. Biologically, yes, Jim Moriarty's DNA contributed to that baby. But being a dad took a lot more than that and Graham had accepted the role without either of them even realizing it. From the moment she'd placed her daughter in his arms, the two had been mad about each other.

And yet, in her heart, she knew. She'd always know. Because though the baby shared Graham's coloring, Emma knew where she got it from. It was in her smile. The smile that had so rarely been shared with anyone but her. With anyone else, it had just looked devious, even murderous or insane. But with her, his smile was open and genuine. And it haunted her at times. And she'd never be able to fully escape it because she saw it again and again every time her daughter was happy.

"Oh, sweetheart," she said softly, her hand reaching out to stroke Aislinn's dark hair. It had a tinge of auburn to it that Emma believed she'd likely grow out of, but it would take time. She was fascinated by the baby, watching her grow and change every single day. Things she'd missed out on with Henry.

Things Jim would miss out on with his child. All because of her.

No, I think you sometimes love me and hate me all at once don't you?

No. No, she couldn't afford to think that way. She'd made the right decision. She knew she had. If she'd allowed Katherine to turn him, what then? He'd wanted her, too, and that was not a life she was okay with. And she'd seen that future world. Her daughter couldn't have been allowed to grow up that way. He would, eventually, run all of Lawrence and before long, all of Kansas. From her calculations, it had been less than ten years before gangs all across the country answered to Jim Moriarty. That couldn't happen. She couldn't let it.

No matter how much she loved him.

I know its messy but it'll get better, he'll die and it'll be better.

Aislinn was oblivious to her mother's anxiety, moving her attentions from her keyboard to the stuffed dog Graham had given her not long after her birth. Emma scooted away, letting the baby play, watching her thoughtfully. She pulled her knees in to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. This was her daughter. Not his. This wasn't Aurora Moriarty but Aislinn Swan and she wasn't isolated from the world but had dozens of people who adored her and loved her.

Emma knew the population as a whole had forgiven her and moved on. But she wasn't certain she ever would.

And it was that thought that sent a chill down her spine and worry to cross her face.

You would be so perfect. Can't you see that? I watch you, you have to know I watch you and darling, its your story. I said we'd write it together, didn't I?

And now he was a demon. Now there was a threat consistently over them, always haunting her. At any given moment, he could go topside. Because death wasn't enough for Jim Moriarty. It had to be the best sort of death, the most over the top sort possible. Rest in peace? Not Jim. And because of that, none of them would ever get any peace.

All of her efforts, her sacrifice...it was wasted. All to prevent a Jim who would be immortal, who could taunt the world as a whole. And now he could anyway.

Her eyes closed and instinctively, she reached for the baby, cuddling her close. She couldn't get it out of her head now. And she didn't know how to stop it.

I saw the moment he gave up, and he wants me to join him in hell, a lot of people want me to join them in hell.

How could she not have known?

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loveishope
2013-07-17 06:53 pm UTC (link)

Belle had woken early as she usually did in the bed she was still not used to, and the bed she woke alone in. She'd rarely slept well without him. In the palace, in the cell in Storybrooke and now here. Usually she drifted off late and woke early and she knew on some level she'd have to fix it before it took its toll. But she still had hope. She would always have her hope. Its what kept her going. She didn't know what caused her to go downstairs though, usually she stayed in her room for a while, reading, until a more sociable hour. But she'd heard the baby, heard Emma move to bring her downstairs and decided it was time to get up.

She took the stairs as quietly as she could manage, a book still dangling from her hand as she did. Something by some man named Joyce. It was entertaining but he really did enjoy his descriptions almost as much as that Tolkin man. She should try and find out which came first.

She was about to ask Emma had she read the book and did she perhaps know the answer when she noted the look on her face, holding baby Aislinn. She was stricken. Upset by something, enough that she needed her child. And while Belle didn't understand that part, she knew enough of Emma to know she shouldn't crowd her, but that perhaps her friend would want to talk.

Her eyes were closed but Belle knew that her accent was distinctive enough for Emma to know exactly who'd woken early.

"Is something wrong?" she asked softly. "I was going to brew some tea up? If you wanted I mean?"

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lostfairytale
2013-07-18 04:36 am UTC (link)

At the first sounds of Belle's voice, Emma tensed. She wasn't ready to face anyone, not even her closest friends and family. But really, it was better that it was Belle. She couldn't have explained herself to Snow, she'd be too ashamed to do so in front of Henry, and Graham... What if he thought her lingering issues were because of him? Because he wasn't enough, which couldn't have been further from the truth? No, it was good that it was Belle who'd come down. If anyone could understand what she'd been back then, it was the girl who'd fallen in love with the Dark One.

But Rumple had been willing to try and change for her. Why wasn't Emma enough to inspire the same?

That was the thought that had Emma's eyes slowly opening and looking over to where the pretty brunette stood, a book in her hand. A familiar book. A much hated book. And she couldn't help but crack a smile.

Aislinn squirmed in her mommy's arms. It was morning and morning was playtime, not naptime or cuddle time, and why was everyone so serious? So Emma released her, allowing her to do her little scoot-crawl back to her toys. "No. I mean, yes, tea would be nice, no, nothing's wrong." Except it was. Something would always be wrong in some ways, but she didn't know how to say that.

She should have moved on by then. She should be over it. And, to be honest, she wasn't sure if she ever would be.

She moved back against the edge of the couch and put her head in her hand, rubbing at her temples. "Just not feeling so well this morning is all." That was all. She'd be fine. All she had to do was let everything settle and she'd be just fine.

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loveishope
2013-07-18 01:33 pm UTC (link)

Belle didn't buy it for a second. She had a knack for telling this sort of thing and Emma wasn't okay and something was indeed wrong. But she wasn't about to just blurt her opinion out either. She'd make tea, she'd sit with Emma and she'd try to coax her into talking. Because there really was sometimes nothing better than talking to a friend about things. And she and Emma had become fast friends after an admittidly rocky beginning. She thought maybe that would help. It would do some good.

She watched as Emma set the baby down to play amongst her many toys and smiled in spite of herself. Children had always just been that topic they didn't discuss. And she couldn't blame him, not really, not after everything with Bae. But a part of her had always wondered what kind of mother she might have made.

"Tea will help, and if you want to go and sleep for a while longer after that I'm happy to watch Aislinn. I'll even put the book away!" she added jokingly, setting it down as she passed through the room and into the kitchen to make tea. She remembered precicely how Emma took it, and made the two cups with ease, carrying them back through to the room and navigating the longer route to avoid the baby.

Handing Emma her tea, Belle settled into a nearby chair and turned her eyes to her friend.

"Any reason you're not feeling well? I could see if Zee has anything herbal you could take for it if its not severe enough for the doctors?" The ailment was not physical. Belle of course knew that, but it was somewhere to start.

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lostfairytale
2013-07-19 05:28 am UTC (link)

The time that Belle spent in the kitchen gave Emma a chance to try and pull herself back together. This wasn't like her. With the exception of those first few weeks after Jim's death, she was the queen of straight backs and poker faces. If she didn't want you to know how she was feeling, you wouldn't. But that was the old Emma. The girl who'd been alone for twenty-eight years, who'd thought her parents didn't even give enough of a damn about her to drop her off at a hospital or fire station.

The one plucked up by a crimelord because she was so attention-starved that she was easily manipulated and played.

She knew she wouldn't be falling back asleep anytime soon. She did appreciate the offer, though. Belle was good with the baby and even better with Henry. Someday, if they were ever given the chance, she'd make a good mom. And Emma hoped they did get that chance. Rumple deserved a fresh start. Especially now that Emma had seen Neal getting back into his father's life. Hopefully once that all worked out...well. Maybe.

Looking up, she accepted the tea cup gratefully and offered a small smile, not moving from her spot on the floor. "Thanks," she murmured quietly. Her eyes drifted towards her daughter again and she sighed, blowing lightly at the steam coming from her cup.

"I'm fine. Really. Just a headache. It'll be fine." She didn't even know where to start so she just wouldn't talk about it at all. Lois had already declared she was coming over to bother her later that day, but neither of them had actually brought up why. Of course. Her best friend hadn't forgotten. Few who'd lived through it all ever would.

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loveishope
2013-07-19 10:05 am UTC (link)

Just a headache. Belle didn't want to and wouldn't push. But if she could engage Emma in conversation maybe something would let itself be known, maybe some hint as to what had caused this low mood, what had her clutching at her child so tightly. It wasn't that she was nosy. If Emma really didn't want to talk then she'd back off. But she couldn't deny she was worried about her friend. Emma was generally stoic about anything worrying her and Belle was far from her best friend but she really did know how to listen. How to offer what advice she could. It was just her nature. "You know if there ever is, then I'm a pretty good listener so I'm told anyway."

She watched the baby playing for a couple of seconds, still facinated by the tiny thing with so much personality and life already for one so young. Babies often amazed her though.

"Its odd, we all have teeth, and yet do any of us remember getting those first ones? Aislinn won't, for all the complaining she's doing about it now, she won't remember. I barely remember getting my proper teeth either. Do you? I was quite young. I remember father kept bringing me things to ease the pain and Gaston laughed at me. Clearly boded well for our future." she added amused.

"The first illness I actually remember was the one where I learned tea actually solves everything. No matter the problem, sitting down with a friend and a hot cup of tea. There's not a thing better in the world to begin to work through it."

Clearly she'd learned her subtlety from Rumplestiltskin.

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lostfairytale
2013-07-19 02:25 pm UTC (link)

Emma nodded at the comment about being a good listener, but really. How did someone explain that? That after all that time, they were still affected by something that needed to happen? Instead, she simply watched Aislinn playing, nodding along to Belle's rambling.

Because she was, in fact, rambling. And Emma knew people well enough to know that Belle was trying to distract her from the gray mood that had settled over her. And really? She appreciated that.

"I don't really remember it at all," she admitted, shrugging. Mostly because there were chunks of her childhood she chose to forget. "I think I was in a group home when I lost my first baby tooth. There's a thing they do here...the tooth fairy. Leaves coins, or I guess by now, inflation has her up to dollars, whenever a child loses a tooth and leaves it under their pillow for collection. We never had that. I was the kid picked on in school because I had missing teeth and no pocket money to show for it."

Possibly the most she'd ever said about her past in one shot, at least to Belle. She so rarely talked about it. It didn't make her, it wasn't all of who she was, so she simply pushed it down. But it was, in fact, her history. The part she knew and could remember. It was basically impossible to remember being the newborn princess to a doomed kingdom and she never even tried.

Yet somehow, still, it had entirely changed her life.

"What was it like? Growing up in that world?" She knew her parents hadn't known Belle's family well at all, but it was still some link. Maybe if they'd had more time to run their world, they'd have interacted at some point.

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loveishope
2013-07-19 03:48 pm UTC (link)

Belle had read about inflation. It made sense she supposed but it was still unfortunate when wage didn't always rise in tandem with it. Of course in this world or indeed in Storybrooke she'd never had to think about currency. Never had gone without as long as she'd been with him. And of course there was still a lot of it, it had been planned ahead, if he was taken by the seal Belle would still have money enough to do her for some time. Emma of course had grown up very much without money. It made Belle sad to think of her friend in that kind of position. Suffering like that.

"That's awful?!" she exclaimed. "The place you were, it couldn't have spared some money to make the children happier? It wouldn't have taken much I'm sure. Ugh some people!" Belle was offended on Emma's behalf, horrified even. And she knew that Snow and Charming had little choice in what they'd done. Knew even that they had sent her with someone who had promised to look out for her, and of course had it not been for Regina she would have grown up happy and content with her family. The blame fell soley on Regina and Belle was tired of hearing her so defended.

As for growing up in their world. It hadn't always been perfect but it was home. It would always be home.

"My fathers lands were peaceful. Until the Ogre Wars. We were friendly with a great many kingdoms and duchies. Your parents, while we didn't really know them or anything, we knew of them. Of course we did, everyone did. Your birth would have been a great celebration. Growing up really did depend on who raised you, and my father was kind, if protective after the loss of my mother. He wanted to see me wed and wed well, and I was bethroed to Gaston from such a young age. I always just assumed I had to marry him. It was the done thing and I just assumed I'd never find a love like there was in my books. We'd grown up together. Oh he could be a pompus ass when he wanted to be, greatly inflated sense of his own importance but he'd just sort of...always been there. He used to show off awfully though."

She shook her head at the memory. He'd been an idiot. But mostly he was harmless.

"I don't think its so awfully different to here in some ways. Oh the things they have here, I can't even begin to understand yet no matter how many books I read. But people are people no matter the world."

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lostfairytale
2013-07-21 08:28 pm UTC (link)

Emma never really considered the position she was in as 'suffering'. Yes, there'd been some bad times, and she'd gone without more often than not. But it had taught her a great deal about survival and how to manage on her own. Looking back now, it had formed her into the adult she was and had shaped the choices she'd made.

Both the good ones and the bad. She didn't need a protector. She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. That didn't mean it hadn't been nice to have someone so insistent on helping. Which was how she'd gotten so wrapped up in the first place.

"Most of the homes didn't really care," she admitted, her eyes focused on her baby girl. Aislinn would never know that sort of loneliness. Even if something did happen to Emma, she had a father (and fortunately, not the biological one), two incredible godparents, loving grandparents, and a big brother who would do anything for her. To say nothing of the other friends in Emma's life who would take care of her. She'd be fine.

She considered Belle's words. It sounded like the opposite of anything she'd want, really, but she'd been to the other version's world. The one where she'd grown up as the much loved Princess Emma, expected to rule the kingdom one day with some handsome prince or another at her side. She would've survived it. And been a hell of a lot less cynical for it, too.

"It doesn't sound so bad," she confessed quietly. "I think I'd have done all right there. But...if I had..." She hesitated. "There'd be no Henry. And everything that came after him. Yeah, some of it was pretty terrible, but looking back on it, I don't know that I'd have changed anything."

Sometimes it was the only reason she could look back on her past and smile. Even in Lawrence. Oh, she'd come a long way since those early morning hours in July. But it didn't mean she didn't have her share of regrets. Fortunately, the dark haired, blue eyed baby on the floor was the one thing that reminded her why her life had to go the way it had.

"I doubt human nature is ever going to change."

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loveishope
2013-07-25 07:47 pm UTC (link)

Belle didn't regret a second of her life or the time she'd spent back in their world. It had made her who she was, given her the morals she was proud to have and it had given her Rumplestilskin. Although she would admit it hadn't been the most perfect of courtships. It wasn't so bad, as Emma had said, and Belle knew she would have done well in their world. But Henry, Aislinn, neither would have been born and she could hardly fathom that as a possibility.

Human nature though...

"People are people yes, but its not just nature. There are so many factors to what makes a person. I know that very well. Sometimes there is good and evil in steady measures and sometimes the evil just outdoes it. I'm not sure that I believe anyone, even Regina is truly evil. She just lets it overtake her until the good, if it exists is drained away. Her and that pirate, they both let it win."

Belle knew very little of Hook bar what Rumple had told her, and she admitted it was possible there was a bias to that information. All the same though, he had been cruel. But so had Rumple. Beyond cruel.

"This world and the people in it though, the way everyone bands together. Its amazing. I tell you if the Seal brought Rumple back to me, I don't think I'd ever want to leave here."

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