InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "“You Think You’re a Man”"

winchester, sam. (ex_demonbloo908) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2013-07-04 19:15:00

Entry tags:

ruby winchester, sam winchester

WHO: Sam & Ruby
WHAT: Post Felicia's party stuffs.
WHEN: Evening.
WHERE: Their place.
RATING: S for Sam is ridiculous.

He should have went with them. He should have gotten over the headache that was gnawing it's way through the back of his skull, he should have chugged down a bucket of coffee, and he should have climbed into Ruby's car and gone to the stupid holiday event with his family. Instead, Sam stayed home. He sifted through old research, he tried to focus up on digging through hunting materials so that he could get people out on the job again, and he even attempted organizing the mess that his office space had become. None of it stuck. The second that Emily and Ruby went out that front door and crossed their property line without him, anxiety hit him hard. What if something happened? What if Lucifer found out about their celebrations and sent in a horde of demons to attack? What if he attacked them personally? What if some taller, better looking hunter showed up without so much baggage and Ruby decided that he was better than Sam and - and what? What? Sam didn't know. The only thing he was certain of was that it felt like everything was falling apart. He couldn't handle being the go-to guy for people with questions anymore, he couldn't maintain steady relationships with the people that he cared about, and he felt like his home life was falling apart.

He needed Lucifer gone. He needed to be free. He needed his life back.

And as much as he knew that he needed to stop being paranoid, Sam couldn't. So he convinced himself that he had to do something to prove to Ruby that he wasn't all gone. It took some time, especially between all the texts he'd sent out to his wife out of so much uncertainty on her being gone, but Sam was able to rummage up a set of old fireworks that he had bought a few months ago. He had been saving them. He had planned on doing stuff. Being a good husband. Being a good father.

There was a lot that he had planned to do that he never did.

Sam set up shop along the far side of the yard. There was plenty enough space so that the fireworks would be clear of their home and vehicles when he set them off. When that was all good and finished, Sam went out to the back yard and dragged an old picnic table that they'd kept by the porch a solid distance away from his fireworks set up so they'd have somewhere to watch them from. He stripped down from plaid to a t-shirt halfway through the process - dragging picnic tables around was enough to make anyone work up a sweat - and plopped down onto the bench with a bottle of wine (glass included) for Ruby and a pair of cold beers for himself. Sam cracked a beer open and took a long drink, eyes moving up to take in the stars as he waited for his family to return home.

That was, if they even wanted to. Maybe they didn't. Maybe they wouldn't.

Maybe Lucifer had made Sam so paranoid that he didn't know what to expect anymore.

(Post a new comment)

frostandsnow
2013-07-05 09:34 am UTC (link)

Ruby had enjoyed herself. Hardy knew how to host a party and having Crowley show up had been amusing, mostly just for her, she knew, but still. Emily had enjoyed herself with little Aislinn and the other Emily and she'd gotten to relax a little. Only a little mind, she was still more worried about Sam. It had been noticed of course, Crowley calling her on the constant texting but Sam was worried, stressing himself out and it was taking too long for something to work for him. Too long, and yet the dreams were worse and worse. She slept by his side every night and she knew better than anyone how hard he was finding this to deal with.

She'd left in good time to get Emily home and settled before bed, that and she wanted time with her husband on the holiday. She wanted Emily to have time with him and later she knew Dean, Jules and Ben would be round so she should probably get something ready for them. Store bought pie was a must. If she tried to cook Dean would accuse her of trying to posion him again. And so it was still early evening when she'd pulled her car into the drive and lifted Emily out of her car seat and through the house calling for Sam.

And found him in the back yard.

With wine for her and beer for him. And fireworks.

He was amazing.

"Honey you didn't have to do this. I know you weren't having a great day so I was gonna put Emily down and work on some spells." she told him, still awed by the effort he'd gone to for her. She sat down on the bench passing Emily across to him while she opened the wine and pour herself a glass. They'd have a drink, watch the fireworks and then Emily would need to be wound down a bit before sleeping. Then they could spend the rest of the night out here.

"People missed you there, asked how you were doing. People do care, and Damon's willing to try his weird vamp thing. We're getting somewhere."

(Reply to this) (Thread)

ex_demonbloo908
2013-07-05 10:34 am UTC (link)

Sam had almost finished off his beer by the time Ruby came marching out of the house with Emily in her arms. They seemed okay. They looked okay. The iron tight grip that had been strangling the neck of his bottle loosened drastically at the mere sight of the pair. Unfortunately, that was the only visible sign of Sam's tension melting away. His shoulders were stiff, his mouth had been set into a thin line, and his eyes could have been easily been replaced with a sign that said: This is My Kicked Puppy Look. And it was. Sort of. That was, if a kicked puppy were an over-sized Winchester who was in serious need of a decent nights rest and a one-way ticket out of the apocalypse.

Gratefully, Sam scooped Emily up and looked down at her. He twisted his mouth to the side and poked her on the nose and she turned in his arms with a giggle.

His posture changed a touch at that. Their daughter was too cute not to bring out a small smile in him.

"Yeah, I did." It wasn't much. Not by a long shot when compared to the extravagant party that Felicia Hardy and Tony Stark had probably thrown. They'd probably had fancy food and all sorts of impressive fireworks displays and a band and everything. Sam had cheap wine, an old picnic table, and a box of fireworks that he didn't even know how to work.

Oh, right. And a chip on his shoulder in the shape of the Devil.

"I know I haven't been all that great to be around lately," Sam told her, frowning down at Emily. Emily seemed to think it was funny because she giggled again. Someone was in a good mood. "And I thought - I dunno. I thought this would be okay."

People cared. Sam knew that they did. Maybe they cared too much. He wanted the help and he wanted to get better, but he was terrified that someone was going to make Lucifer turn his head their way the second they started. And then there was the vampire thing. He'd have to cut the vervain out of his diet, leave himself vulnerable to the other vampires so soon after they'd all just finished dealing with another vampire threat. He'd have to stay home again, probably.

But it was still something. And Sam wasn't about to start taking Ruby or Damon or whoever apart for trying when he was all but defeated himself.

"Yeah. I know."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

frostandsnow
2013-07-05 02:39 pm UTC (link)

Ruby wasn't cheered by his mood. He was still down, still hurting and it pained her to see it, always would probably, out of love and no matter how many times he tried to talk her out of it, there was guilt behind the reaction too. She'd led him to this after all, if not for her maybe he'd be happy. A normal family. Oh she knew he wouldn't trade either her or Emily for the world and of course she felt the same. But he still had Lucifer himself trying to take over his mind. It was not something anyone should be expected to face.

Watching him with Emily though she knew why he still fought, why they both did. That little girl loved them so completely, a love Ruby hadn't understood until she'd held her child. And every time she saw her husband playing with her and Emily's delighted reaction it only strengthened her resolve to fight Lucifer.

She took a long sip of the wine he had left her, driving to the party with Emily had meant she'd stayed away from the offered alcohol, she deserved a glass now. She didn't need some fancy party, she just needed him back how he had been when they'd married, before all this had taken its toll on him. "You've had your reasons, and I know you're still mad at me for what happened with the hex bags. Doing all this, it means more than you can imagine."

She looked over to the fireworks he'd secured in the ground and muttered something in Latin, watching amused as a flame began to trail up the tail of it ready to set it alight. A lot of kids Emily's age were scared of the noise and the lights but not her, no she'd loved it for her first Hallow'een and she loved it now.

"You're going to get through this. You're gonna let Damon help you and you're gonna get back in the game. And no it won't be easy. But we'll get there. We always do right, you and me against the odds. And if you need a reason..."

The blast of the firework in question interrupted her, Emily delightedly clapping her hands and almost trying to escape her father out of excitement.

Ruby smiled, genuinely happy in the company of her little family.

"You want a reason to keep fighting. There she is."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ex_demonbloo908
2013-07-09 03:39 am UTC (link)

What had happened with those hex bags had really set Sam off at the time. He understood why Ruby had felt obligated to plant them, but there was nothing in the world that would ever make Sam feel okay about sitting things out when the people that he loved were in danger. He was a hunter. He had spent all of his life fighting the bad things that threatened what he love. Successfully done so or not, he was out there. This time? Sam was stuck. He couldn't go out and do a damn thing to stop those vampires and it drove him completely up the wall. On some level, Sam was still seething at everyone who had insisted on forcing him to stay in, but he knew that arguing with them was pointless.

But at least Ruby knew that he still wasn't happy about it. If he knew his wife (and he did), then she probably knew that he would never be.

Sam looked down at his hands. He didn't respond to that. If he did, he'd probably say something horrible and, given his current attempt at not being a total failworthy husband, Sam didn't think that it would help their current situation any. He breathed in sharply and shrugged, eyes ticking away from Emily long enough to see that Ruby had magicked her way into getting the fireworks started. Huh. Guess he didn't have to blow himself up after all.

Sam watched the flame slide it's way up to the end of the firework and quietly listened to what Ruby had to say. He'd been like that a lot lately. Quiet.

The firework shot off. It jetted up into the sky and burst into an explosion of color, scattering itself out among the very stars that Sam had been staring into earlier. Emily seemed to love it and, in turn, that made Sam love it. Sam looked to Ruby with a soft smile. "I've got more than one."

He still didn't know how he felt about Damon helping him. He still didn't know how he felt about anyone helping him. What he did know was that he wasn't going to give up. He often felt defeated and he often felt like doing stupid things just to make it all stop, but he wasn't quitting. Not now. Not ever. Not on them. Not on Ruby. And certainly not on Emily. "She's going to get the chance to grow up. And you're going to get the chance to see her do it." Emily grabbed at Sam's finger with both hands and wiggled in his arms excitedly. The fireworks had gotten her attention. Through the cloud of exhaustion on his face, a streak of determination found it's way to the surface. "I promise."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

frostandsnow
2013-07-14 11:31 pm UTC (link)

Ruby knew he'd had a hell of a time lately, with Lucifer, with feeling useless, all of it. She could see how much it all bothered him and more than that, how much he was holding back from saying out of love for her. And he was trying to keep their family normal and happy, though normal, it wasn't really for them. Never had been. A demon and the Boy King. It should never have made sense. But then here they were. And it was her little family that she wasn't going to let anyone ruin that. Not even the one she had so worshiped before.

Oh it still hurt her at times, knowing she had devoted so much of herself, all of herself, to someone who didn't ever care for her, in fact despised everything she was, she wondered sometimes had Azazel known he was despised, had he cared? Crowley certainly knew and cared, called Azazel a deluded idiot sometimes. And then there had been Lilith. The very first of them. Of course she knew the mind of Lucifer. And yet none of them had ever shared a damn thing with her. And she had been more loyal than any of the others of her kind.

"We have a lot to keep fighting for don't we. We have her, we have this place, these people. We have each other. Its enough isn't it? Emily'll grow up happy, with both of her parents. Because you're gonna be there to see it too. I demand it. And so does she. We're not out of this fight yet Sam and there are ways to help you against him. You just need to let people help you."

She set off another of the fireworks, watching Emily wave her little arms as her eyes lit up at the sight.

"You can lean on me you know, when it gets too hard, too messy. That's why I'm here."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ex_demonbloo908
2013-07-20 06:55 am UTC (link)

He didn't respond to that. What could he have said? That he couldn't promise that he was going to come out in one piece when he finally went off to take Lucifer down? That he felt like fixing the mess that he had started was going to be the last thing he ever did? No. Ruby wouldn't have it and she'd know it if he so much as tried smiling and lying straight through his teeth at her. It was better that he didn't say anything at all, so Sam simply tilted his chin up and looked off at the fireworks.

They reminded him of when he was younger. He'd drag Dean off while Dad was MIA, probably having been gone for weeks, and he'd watch Dean light up a bunch of fireworks in the middle of the night and they'd laugh and grin about it all like the stupid kids that they were.

It made them forget. For a little while.

He wished that they would make him forget now. It was hard not to when he was sitting there holding his daughter, thoughts of her having to grow up without him lurking at the back of his mind. "I know I can," Sam said, tearing his gaze away from the sky. He couldn't keep sulking. The fireworks were for them. He was making up for missing out on the party. No sulking. Sulking was no longer allowed. "Problem is, I'm too big and you're too small." He tried for a smile. "I might knock you over if I lean on you too much." Okay, that wasn't helping. It was phrased funny, but the meaning behind it was still...

He looked down at Emily. "I think she wants another firework."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

frostandsnow
2013-07-25 05:04 pm UTC (link)

No answer. Damn him.

Ruby watched her little family. Emily hapilly clapping along with the noise of the fireworks as Ruby set two more off in quick sucsession without actually moving. She reached over to ruffle her daughters hair and marvelled again at just how Winchester the girl was starting to look. She might even wind up tall too.

And Sam was spending his time deflecting her answers cause it wasn't like he was gonna ever think they could win. She wondered sadly if it was in him to think that anymore or if Lucifer had broken all that in him still. If he'd pushed her amazing, strong and good husband to the brink . And it wasn't fair. Ruby needed Sam. She knew she needed him, without him she was just that demon again. No different than before.

Without him what was the point. To keep Emily safe she'd do anything. And the welcoming protection of the demon Sam so hated would be an obvious choice.

"Look, Sam just remember I'm here for you, a lot of people arem and you're not through yet. There's still a fight. And this little girl wants you around too. You're gonna take her to her first day at school, you're gonna harass any man that even looks at her without asking your permission first, you're gonna show ridiculous childhood video before her prom, you're gonna walk her down the aisle. All of it. You deserve that."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ex_demonbloo908
2013-07-28 06:54 am UTC (link)

No, it wasn't what he deserved. Sam knew that. But it was what Emily deserved. It was what Ruby deserved, too. As far as he was concerned, the two of them could have done much better than him, but that was the last thing that he was going to admit either. So Sam nodded quietly and faked a smile. "You're awfully encouraging for someone who used to torture people for fun," he commented lightly. Maybe if he kept at the conversation in a more upbeat, less doom and gloom sort of manner, Ruby would let all of this drop. He didn't want to talk about the apocalypse. He didn't want to think about Lucifer. He didn't want to pay any attention to that gnawing feeling at the back of his head because he knew the second he gave into it he'd just wind up locking himself up in his office again with a room full of research that wasn't getting him anywhere.

He needed to be here. He needed to do this.

"Since we're talking about the future..." Sam poked at Emily's side a little and watched with amusement as she giggled. "What do you think she's going to be? Doctor?" Sam shook his head. "Nope, dentist. I think we Winchesters are due for a solid dental plan and mooching off the next generation feels like the right thing to do when her time comes."

There. Total left turn. He could do this.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

frostandsnow
2013-07-30 09:19 am UTC (link)

Ruby rolled her eyes, Okay so he wanted to do the avoiding thing, and she couldn't blame him, night like this. But she wasn't done. She'd let it go for now, have a happy little family evening. But she was not just gonna let him wallow, and go back into his office and his books and try to forget the world again. No, she was gonna give him reasons to stay. He deserved to have those. Even if he forgot them when things got too much.

"Yeah yeah. And that all lead me to you. Which is a weird how we met story, which by the way we are never telling Emily. Cause we met in a field of roses or some crap like that, something lovely and not full of screwing Daddy over for Mommy's evil hell god and crazy yellow eyed father figure."

She wasn't sure she wanted a dentist for a kid though. "Rocket scientist, or actress. That's basically all I will accept like, ever." Ruby lifted the little girl from Sam and looked at her very seriously. "Those are your choices Emily Winchester or mommy will cry." she added, before a wide smile broke out across her face as Emily blew a rather impressive raspberry in response to this surrmation of her future.

"Or y'know, whatever." she replied, leaning over to her husband for a quick kiss.

She was worried about him. She thought he was avoiding. But for now, just for today, she would let him avoid.

(Reply to this) (Parent)