Ben felt like shit for some of the things that he had said. Most of them weren't really how he felt, some had been hard truths, but overall he didn't feel that way. He was at a confusing time in his life, though. He didn't get why everything that surrounded him was so fucked up. He didn't get why the one person he'd had all his life had been taken away... Ben struggled with the loss of his mother every day. It was weird not to have her there to bitch at him about videgoames and how much time he spent playing them. He usually managed to cope and deal with that, but that didn't mean that his world was anywhere near perfect.
Ben struggled with the change. He didn't want to be a burden. He didn't want to be useless, which was what he felt like his current family thought of him. Winchesters. He definitely didn't feel like one in general. He usually felt like they didn't think he was capable. He felt like they thought he was a baby. He felt like, some of the time, he wasn't wanted.
And he was pretty damn positive that nobody else in the world understood him. Nobody got what he was going through. There was no way that anybody could get it.
He didn't even remember why he had decided to leave, arguably, the safest house in Kansas during the whole vampire thing. Ruby had made such a big deal about how they wanted Sam, but that wasn't really the reason that he had left. Part of him had wondered if anybody would notice that he was gone, but that wasn't even the reason behind it. He couldn't really pinpoint a reason. He hadn't been expecting to get bitten, though. Even that wasn't because he was wanted or sought after. He had been a way to get to the great and wonderful Winchesters, to Sam.
Ben just felt so out of place. He didn't know where he fit in. Was he expected to be the one Winchester that was supposed to be normal? That felt like a lot of pressure to him, and all he wanted to do was be like his dad, be like the family that he had left. He wanted to be a part of that. His little vampire temper tantrum probably hadn't gotten him anywhere, though. He only realized that now.
Hindsight was 20/20.
Ben sat up, looking toward the doorway as his dad spoke, finding it hard to look at him. Instead, Ben found a point on the floor. "Hey." Much as the kid could be a brat and mouthy he wasn't exactly feeling at his best at the moment. He did feel bad for the stupid shit he'd done. He hadn't wanted to hurt anyone, not really. Lifting his shoulders up in a bit of a shrug, Ben adjusted his focus spot, looking at his dad's feet. "Guess I'm okay? Feel fine."