Regina Mills (mostresilient) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2013-04-28 15:38:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | regina mills |
Who: Regina Mills
What: Gaining control of her emotions and getting lost in her own thoughts
Where: A spa and resort in Kansas City
When: Bckdated to Friday April 26 - Sunday April 28
Warnings: Angst. Anything else TBD
Status: Narrative
Friday April 26 Regina knew the Seal was unpredictable. The displaced would come and go without any notice. She hadn't given it much thought as it as of yet hadn’t done anything that disrupted her life. But that all ended with the latest group of departures. Snow was gone. Sent back to live through everything that they’d witnessed happen on their show. While Regina was upset to see her go she truthfully felt anger and sadness for the rest of Storybrooke. Not that they’d ever believe it or that she’d tell them so. As much as she hated to admit it all of the tension in the last few months was her fault. Unintentionally but her fault nonetheless. The former Queen and Mayor was far from naive to not understand why they found the civility between Snow and herself confusing. What had annoyed her the most was that they couldn’t let a grown woman make her own decisions. There was a part of her that would never forgive Snow and vice versa. It was a fact that the two women had agreed upon early on. But this wasn’t Storybrooke or the enchanted forest. Instead it was a world that was suffering through an apocalypse and any disputes and rivalries from back home needed to be put aside. In the beginning it was about Henry. He was the one thing that tied everyone in Storybrooke together. Over time and being powerless against Snow’s stubbornness she had found the girl that had been buried beneath the pain, heartbreak and senseless darkness that had consumed her. Of all the chances that her stepdaughter had given her it had taken a Seal dropping her into the middle of an apocalypse for her to finally see it. Only now one of the few who truly believed she could change was gone. As she sat on her bed in her hotel room, Regina wondered just how long her friends would stick around. How long before they too were sent back or felt that sticking by her side wasn’t worth the alienation. Everyone in Storybrooke may have called a truce and decided to “live and let live” but how long would that last. The only two that she’d wanted anything to do with were Henry and Snow and now one of them was gone. Most days Regina wondered if Henry truly cared how she was. Their relationship wasn’t the healthiest and it hadn’t been for a long time. And the only one that could be blamed for that was herself. When he had begun pulling away she had tried to hold on to him and only succeeded in pushing him farther away. The words that she had spoken on the show were so very true. She didn’t know how to love very well but then again how does one even learn how to truly love if no one will give you the chance. Her emotions had been running high for weeks now. Ever since she’d reached her breaking point and in anger had filtered to all of Storybrooke it had been harder and harder to keep things from escalating. It also didn’t help that due to an accidental wish she’d wished for her magic. And while she had swore to never use it and had been keeping that promise her magic was tied to her emotions. If her emotions grew too out of control than there was the possibility that her magic would be released. And seeing as Gold was certain there was nothing that could be done to bind her magic much like Loki had surmised the only answer was to leave town. Leave for a few days to gain control without the constant stress that surrounded her in the town. A few days wouldn’t solve her problems immediately but it was at most a start. Saturday April 27 As she sat sipping a cup of tea, Regina let her thoughts fester. The massage that she had gotten earlier that morning had given her a relaxation she hadn’t felt in a long time. While House was the perfect distraction to her problems their relationship of late had become complicated. It had started out as just sex between the two. An unlikely but beneficial relationship. Only that had lasted but so long before she’d grown to care for the man. They were alike in many ways and Regina found herself feeling things for him that she never anticipated feeling. Other than Daniel she hadn’t allowed herself to truly feel for another man. Seeing it as a betrayal. So instead she had turned to magic and the darkness to handle the void that losing him had created in her heart. But witnessing him tell her to “love again” moments before she had to let him go forever on the show had shown her that it wouldn’t have been a betrayal. That perhaps all along he would have wanted her to honor his memory by learning to love again. Things would have been infinitely different had she never rid herself of her mother, turned to Rumplestiltskin and sought revenge against Snow White. Living in a world of what ifs wouldn’t solve anything. Through her actions alone she had paved the path that led her to this fate. Sure there were those on the side not encouraging her to go a different path but it was her decision in the end. On the table in front of her sat a book that a woman that was ‘technically’ her age suggested she read. Caged in Darkness. A fitting title for her own life story. She’d purchased the book still undecided on whether to read it. But the woman had quoted a passage from the book that had struck a chord in her. Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it. Sitting her tea down on the table she ran her hand along the cover of the book. Was she strong enough to survive all of this or would she revert to old habits? Of all the questions on her mind that was the one at the forefront and the one that was the hardest to answer. Sunday April 28 As she unpacked her bag Regina felt some guilt over not informing her friends and housemates where she was going. And leaving her phone behind so that she couldn’t be contacted. They had befriended her despite not knowing anything about her. Showed her kindness that she truly didn’t deserve and she hadn’t quite done the greatest job of repaying that. Tossing a dress onto the bed she reached over and grabbed her phone. Seeing the missed messages from Greg she quickly walked over to her computer and filtered posts to her closest friends and Greg. Words weren’t enough to express how guilty she felt for leaving like she did. But they were a beginning and she would work on making it up to them all in the days to come. While her time away had been spent getting lost in her own thoughts and relearning how to control her emotions it hadn’t been completely successful. There were still moments where if she grew too emotional she could feel the magic at her fingertips ready to be released. It would then take meditating and thinking calming thoughts to reign it back in. Magic was her addiction and ignoring its presence had only brought her to this point. With a few circumstances thrown in to speed the process along but it had all been building. But Regina had decided by the end of her weekend away that she was determined to not lose control. To find that inner strength to be good and prove that she had already begun changing. Standing she moved away from the laptop and scooped Lys off of her bed before walking towards the glass window. Sitting down she kept the kitten, who had grown so much that she really couldn’t be considered a kitten anymore, on her lap. Regina absentmindedly began to pet Lys’ head and listened to the purr as she gazed out the window. This was her home now and it was time to truly settle. The Seal was still going to be unpredictable but it was time to live and let live as Emma had suggested. And whatever happened in the future would just happen but Regina wasn’t going to live in “what-ifs” or “could-be’s” and she certainly wasn’t going to deny herself the smallest chance of happiness. It was finally time to start living her life, leaving the past behind her, and starting anew. |