|Much is the reason the squirrels are hiding (muchnotmulch) wrote in wariscoming,|
@ 2013-04-23 14:38:00
What:A new place. Or you know, trying to find one.
I need you to understand.
He did understand. He didn't comprehend. They were two different things. They'd seen hell in the Holy Land, but this was worse. This was like a trap. Fit in, make friends, get a life, certain death lies ahead. Don't forget the inevitable apocalypse. Monsters that took the faces of children Much frowned and looked around at his new flat. It was rather empty. He didn't have many things. He didn't want many things. All he wanted was to be where Robin was. He was his master, his friend.
The Holy Land had not been what they thought it would. It was no grand adventure, and no game. This was not a game either. This was life and death. Robin wanted him to have a better life, but was this really better? Two were in the hospital now. One friend wanted to kill himself for whatever was necessary. They were alive, but how much longer would it be? Much always fretted about things like this. Robin had a new life. He was set to be married shortly, Much should have been surfing the internet to figure out how to throw together a bachelor party. That was what men did in the new world before they were married after all. But It was too much to keep track of. Too much to remember. He felt like his head was spinning. He could not even make himself get on the computer where the people were eager to chat with him. His phone was turned off, and his flat was quiet. For once he was grateful for it too.
It wasn't the fighting that caused him problems, at least he didn't think it was. He could have killed men, they would have killed him. Or Robin. It was fair. It had been a war in the Holy Land. Much could live with it, sleep knowing what he'd done. It was what happened when children got thrown into it. When Gisborne slaughtered it that caused him worry. It was children or monsters in the forms of children that caused him heart ache.
Everyone had a place, where was his if he could not comprehend?
When they were young, he followed Robin to the Holy Land. It was a bloody war and he'd done it without question. without choice. He hated it. He hated the desert, but Robin needed him. Robin needed someone to care that he came home alive. Yet here Robin had Marian. He'd made some new friends, but he wasn't really needed. Cas had Peter now, everyone had someone. Everyone understood something he didn't.
Crossing the empty flat to the shower, he turned it on and watched the steam begin to billow over the top of the glass. He stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the warm water. Much closed his eyes against it and tried to let the tension he felt slip away like the droplets of water against his skin.
He couldn't tell who was wrong and who was right anymore. There were no clear lines for him to follow. He needed those lines. Robin and Marian were the ones that made sense, the ones who he could grasp for and not feel like their friendship was slipping through his fingers but he stil felt lost.