InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "So... this is awkward."

Rose Tyler Will Defend the Earth (plusone) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2013-04-23 16:30:00

Entry tags:

guy of gisborne, rose tyler

Who: Rose Tyler and Guy of Gisborne
What: God, why are you people worrying so much???
When: Tuesday evening
Where: Out frolicking, geez, Medbay of course
Warnings: Foul language and graphic images

The last thing she remembered clearly was trying to give orders to Lois and Dick. Her voice was going fast, blackness tinged the edges of her vision, but this was still her team. She might not make it but if she didn't, she wouldn't let them go down, too. Where the hell had that little beast come from? So much research and she'd missed one. There were two of the bastards running around and she'd missed one and how could she have been so fucking stupid?

The knife fell out of her weak fingers before she could reach the little monster. And the next thing she felt was the ground, coming up to meet her. Her hands covered in blood. Her blood. God, there was a lot of it. Lois' screams, Dick's strangled cry, what was happening? Why couldn't she see? She murmured something, mumbled words to help them, try and get them through this. And then she couldn't hear their voices anymore and the world went dark.

After that, everything seemed to go by in a blur. Those moments where she could swear she heard people. But she couldn't touch them, couldn't reach them. Martha's worried voice giving orders. Simon or Anatoly or sometimes both, and Rory, being his usual helpful self. She wanted to tell them to stop worrying. To take care of Dick, he needed them, but her voice wouldn't work.

Then darkness again, and a drug induced haze to go with the fighting of her body. Part of her wanted to give up. To let go. It wouldn't hurt, she knew that. All she had to do was quit trying and she'd slip away. She wondered what happened if you died in this world. Would she get sent home? Find this world's afterlife? Be sent back to the afterlife in her own world?

But the voices. She couldn't turn away from the voices. Not when they sounded so desperate, so pleading. John's soft words, Elena's whisper. And Guy. She felt more than heard him. She was so sorry about making them worry. She couldn't leave them like this. Oh, she knew they could survive without her. They were strong, all of them. Stronger than they believed sometimes. But she could help them. And she loved them all so damn much. More than even they knew.

So she kept fighting. Kept working her way through. Kept dreaming the weirdest dreams of her life. The angels fighting Davros. These angels, the Lawrence ones, not the weeping ones from home. Cas and Anna and Gabriel. Her and Elena and Juliet as Harry, Ron, and Hermione. She couldn't figure out which was which, though. Hanging out in Middle Earth with her adorable hobbit and her ridiculously sexy dwarf.

Which was the one she woke up from. Ironically enough. She felt a hand in hers long before she found the strength to open her eyes. It didn't matter who's, really. But she knew that hand. Long fingers, rough and strong, worn from years of fighting. And she gave it the weakest of squeezes imaginable. But it would've been felt. At that moment, it was the only way she knew how to communicate.

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turnedtoashes
2013-04-24 01:08 pm UTC (link)

He wasn't going to pray for her. He didn't do that. As he'd told Marian it would be hypocritical of him to start now. He was with her as often as Martha would let him, and stood silently by as others came in to visit. Apparently there was some manner of list. He didn't care. When Martha said he had to leave and let her rest he did so. And when she said he could return, he did. There was nothing else he needed to do and nowhere else he needed to be.

But she hadn't woken.

He'd thought back to thinking Marian was ill, when in fact she'd been recovering from what he'd done to her. Not knowing it was her of course, but he'd still caused it Seeing her hurt, lying there in her bed, and he'd been worried, confused and so bitter that he couldn't help in any way.

He couldn't help now either. There was nothing he could do. Though he hadn't caused it this time. It made somewhat of a difference. And this was Rose, His Rose that he loved so dearly but that loved him back. He believed it even if neither of them had used the words. They knew the words. They'd used them before to other people and things had gone badly in both cases, for different reasons of course but they'd learned that love could hurt.

Suddenly there was a weak but definitely there squeeze at his hand. He wondered should he get Martha. Is that how it worked? But she would not let go.

"Rose" he said, as softly as he knew how. "Can you speak, if you can't, do not try. Just...tell me you are here with me, squeeze my hand again?"

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plusone
2013-04-24 06:37 pm UTC (link)

There it was. That voice she knew so well. Hours spent talking, before and after they'd finally come together. Lying in his arms, listening to that low, soft voice. He was here, with her, as she hovered somewhere between living and dying, and she knew she had more faith in him than he would have thought possible.

The first time she tried to speak, the sound was barely a whimper. Her hand grasped his more firmly, her thumb ever so slightly moving against his skin. She had to come to, she had to reassure him he wasn't about to lose someone else. He'd find a way to blame himself, she knew he would, and Rose wouldn't allow it. Not this time. Marian, yes, he was to blame for her death and they all knew it, no one questioned it. And perhaps if she hadn't known him, his Meg wouldn't have died. But she made her choices and he couldn't be blamed for that.

Both of those women had seen something in him, something worth saving. But possibly none more than the one fighting to get back to him. And finally, with every effort possible, she managed a whispered, "Hi." Her eyes felt like sandpaper as she struggled to open them, to see him finally.

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turnedtoashes
2013-04-26 09:49 am UTC (link)

There. It was movement. Not much, nothing huge. But it was something that said she was coming back to him and that meant more than the entire world to him right now. That simple movement. That one tiny action and his world was whole again. For a while he'd wondered if it was him. If anyone that loved him was doomed to a life of misery. Retribution from whatever deity chose to hate him today or at least he'd told Marian as much.

As soon as she spoke, barely audible but very much more, his hand gripped hers just that little bit more and he leaned in to softly kiss her. "Had me worried there for a while love." he replied with a slight smile, worried yes but still definitely there. "If talking hurts you don't have to. I could get you water?"

He wasn't sure what one did in this situation, he'd had one woman die by his hand and another in his arms and he didn't quite know how to behave when one was recovering from a near fatal injury that he had no part in causing. Which was probably a bad thing. But he should have known this wouldn't fell her. It would take a lot more than some creature from hell to put Rose down for good and Guy had been willing to tear the world apart looking for a way to save her but he hadn't needed to. Martha was a miracle worker, and he owed her. More than he could put into words.

"You won't believe how many people are here to see you, waiting for word, waiting for you to wake up. But your...friend. The overly friendly one. He's not been letting anyone in bar those Martha allows. If you don't want to see anyone yet though he'll have them leave. Its up to you?"

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plusone
2013-04-26 06:04 pm UTC (link)

The brush of his lips against hers felt better than she could have imagined. It wasn't another one of her lingering dreams, it was real. Actual human contact. She wasn't dead. And that was possibly the biggest relief of all. And her eyes fluttered open to see him smile and it was worth it. The struggle, the fight to keep living. She loved him, as hard as it was to admit to herself given her history, she truly did. And she hated anything that caused him unnecessary pain.

The thought of water, or anything really, turned her stomach and she shook her head ever so slightly. She'd find her voice again. It just might take a few moments. Finally tearing her gaze from his, she glanced around, assessing her situation. Medbay. Martha's shadow in the office, reading over some charts, maybe, or filing, she couldn't quite tell. There was a man lying in a bed nearby but she couldn't sit up to see who it was. She wasn't in pain. She knew the IV dripping into her arm was helping that along. But there was still a great deal of discomfort that sitting up was not going to help at all.

Finally, she urged herself to speak. Partially to reassure him that she could and partially because she needed answers. "Overly friendly...Jack is here?" she questioned, her eyes squinting in thought. And then they flew open as she remembered everything. The moment she'd reached for the Rakshasa and been surprised from behind. The claws reaching for her... Dick, fighting them off and Lois' terrified eyes as they met Rose's. "What happened? Dick, Lois, are they all right? I...I couldn't stop her. The Rakshasa. I tried, I swear I tried..." She was probably getting overemotional for someone who'd just had major surgery, but she had to know. She had to know if her team, her friends had lived. She'd lost enough people with the Doctor, with Torchwood, and even here in Lawrence. She couldn't have failed anyone else, could she?

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turnedtoashes
2013-04-30 01:32 pm UTC (link)

Worried about everyone else around her of course, worried that they were all going to be alright with not a care to herself or her own health. That was his Rose. One of the reasons he cared so much for her, that capacity to love even someone like him. And her first thoughts were for those she'd had with her.

"Lois is fine. Dick took a bit of a battering, it got him in the arm but he's recovering well. And yes, Jack is here. He's just outside."

What could he tell her besides that. The Rakashasa was dead. Gone and it would never be a problem again. Did he tell her that people saw the dammed thing as no more than a child and wanted to hug it and care for it and teach it the error of its evil ways? Her friends, her precious Doctor even. He could so easily blurt it all out in anger. But no, he needed her to be calm, he needed her to heal and he suspected that would have her more worried.

"I should tell Martha that you are awake. She said to keep her informed of any changes and this is quite the change. Is there anything you need me to get for you?"

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plusone
2013-04-30 05:34 pm UTC (link)

She relaxed ever so slightly at his words. Lois was fine. Good. And Dick... He would live. That was the important thing. Injuries they could deal with, they could recover from. But not death. She knew, now more than ever, just how permanent death could be. Not everyone got a second chance. She'd seen both here, people who survived or were brought back, and people lost for good.

Her friends wanted to see her, and she did want to see them, too. Wanted to reassure them that she was all right. At least, she was pretty sure she was all right. Waking up, being patched back together, those were good signs weren't they? But she needed a few minutes. Needed to put herself together if she was going to convince anyone she was fine. In fact, she was grateful it was Guy there when she woke up. She didn't need to pretend in front of him. She could drop her guard, be weak if she needed. And just then, she truly needed.

He was right, though. Martha needed to be made aware her patient's progress was changing. She winced at the thought. Notifying Martha didn't just get her her friend, it also got her a doctor. One who would poke and prod with tests and exams. Which would likely hurt. Sighing, she nodded. "I suppose." She wasn't looking forward to this. She also wasn't looking forward to him leaving. Those final thoughts before she'd slipped off into blissful unconsciousness had been of him and where they stood and how screwed up her life really was but how much better it was with him.

And she couldn't help herself. "Wait," she said, softly but as urgently as her voice would allow. "No. I...it can wait a moment. I just..." The timing was all wrong but she didn't even know for sure if she was out of the woods now. What if she didn't get another chance like this one? "I need to tell you something. Just... Just in case."

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turnedtoashes
2013-05-01 09:04 am UTC (link)

He'd been about ready to move, to find Martha, to tell Jack she was awake, all of it when she spoke, just softly but he heard her. He always heard her. It was a voice that he would never tire of hearing either. She wanted to tell him something and it had better not be any kind of goodbye. She was getting better wasn't she? She had to be, he had truly had more than enough of women dying in his arms and he was not going to lose her too.

"Just in case nothing, you're going to get through this. Because I will allow nothing else. I want you to understand that Rose."

If he had to prempt her and get Martha during any of this 'just in case' stuff he would do so. He hated conversations like this. Meg had bared her heart to him before he'd lost her and he had lost count of the amount of times Marian had gotten inside his heart and made him move the world just to please for.

"Tell me what you need to Rose, but don't do the 'just in case'. I can't do that. I can't hear those words from someone else I..."

Someone else he loved, someone else he had given his heart to. And for once someone that loved him back and someone that had surrvived the experiance for more than a few days.

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plusone
2013-05-01 10:57 am UTC (link)

Despite herself, despite the discomfort her body was feeling and the reeling of her head, she had to smile. "That's right, sweetheart. Forbid me to die, would you?" She wasn't one of his peasants, thank you. She'd do as she damn well wanted. And what she damn well wanted was to live. To stay there with him, with a man that determined that he wouldn't lose her.

Someone else he... Well. That made what she needed to say a bit easier. She swallowed a few times, working to find her voice. She wouldn't be stopped, not now. This had to be said. She'd left it too long once already. Had told one man she loved him too late, when there was nothing either of them could do about it. If Rose knew anything, it was time. And time could run out in the blink of an eye. Not this time, dammit. Not for them.

"I thought a lot of things while I was lying there. Nearly....well, not there. And one of them was how much I'd regret it if I didn't make it, how much I didn't want to leave without you knowing..." This wasn't how she'd wanted to do this. She'd wanted the moment perfect, perhaps one of those nights when she was lying by his side, holding him, or during a romantic dinner.

But no one knew better than her that sometimes, you didn't get a choice, in the matter. "I didn't want to die without ever saying that I love you."

Well. Couldn't take it back now, could she? Nor did she want to. She'd needed this. Some hint of closure. Yes, just in case. If not this demon attack, the next, or the one after. There were no guarantees in their world. None. And she didn't want to leave it, whenever it was, with regrets weighing on her.

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turnedtoashes
2013-05-10 09:18 am UTC (link)

Was this what he thought it was? It couldn't be. Women didn't say that kind of thing to him. That's not how this went. But the words were being used nonetheless and frankly they terrified him. He'd loved one woman in his life and she hadn't loved him back. And a second he might have come to love if she hadn't been cruelly taken from him so soon after their meeting. And now there was Rose, who knew his past, knew all the awful things he'd done, everything he was capable of and yet still was willing to put those words out there. They couldn't be taken back. Words like that, they never quite were.

One was supposed to repeat them. Say he loved her too, and he did, god, he really did. But they didn't come easy and after so many false starts, well, he had to know.

"Why?" he asked still somewhat incredulous. "Why do you love me? You know me, you know my past. You know what I'm capable of and you're still willing to say it? And I do, love you I mean, I have for a while now. But we have so much in our pasts that says this is dangerous and there are so many reasons why you could do better than me. I love you too Rose Tyler but I want, I need to know that you understand what loving me means. Marian, Meg. It doesn't end well."

Yes he was saying this now, while she was lying here, injured, hurting. But he needed to. Selfish as it perhaps was he needed to have it out there so that he could actually for a moment let himself believe those words.

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plusone
2013-05-30 06:20 am UTC (link)

Wearily, she couldn't help but smile. Only Guy of Gisborne could hear words of love and challenge them. Not because he doubted her, but he doubted himself. And it was one reason she'd fallen for him. He was cocky at times, but at the end of the day, he was the most insecure man she'd ever met. He had no faith in himself. He didn't believe in himself and he needed someone to believe in him. So she did.

Her hand weakly reached up, touching his arm. "Because I do," she said simply. "Look, I know it's strange. I know in some ways we probably shouldn't be together. But...you make me happy." She wasn't afraid of him. Yes, his temper was a scary thing, especially given what had happened to Marian. That didn't change her feelings. It just kept her on guard. And though it didn't excuse what he'd done, she still maintained that he'd been led on and therefore, hurt and angered.

He went on, as he so often did, comparing her to the previous women in his life. And though it made her head hurt, she rolled her eyes. "I don't care about Marian, Guy. Meg, either. I'm my own person. Their lives don't equal mine. I've made my choice and I'm sticking with it. I love you. Deal with it."

Yes, he was incredibly good-looking. He knew how to please her, how to keep her on her toes. But most importantly? He'd never stopped caring. Maybe that was what he needed to hear. "You've never judged me. I make stupid choices, sometimes, I know it. But you don't judge. You just keep standing by my side and how could I not fall in love with that?"

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turnedtoashes
2013-06-06 12:38 pm UTC (link)

Of course he doubted himself, he thought probably he would always doubt himself when it came to someone saying they loved him. How could it be that someone as beautiful and kind and wise as Rose could fall for someone like him, love someone like him. But she said he made her happy, and he supposed if he was doing that then who was he to question what she believed. And god she made him happy too. Happier than perhaps he'd ever been. He wasn't used to happy. Men like him didn't get to be happy, didn't deserve happy.

"I know their lives don't equal yours, I'm just scared to hurt you, because its how it always ends. I always assumed I was paying the price for my sins. But with you, its never been this easy you know. Marian, we were, she didn't ever love me, and Meg...didn't have much of a chance to. I won't have that happen to you."

As for judging her, really why would he ever judge anyone for anything they might do. She was far from stupid, she was brave and noble and yes, sometimes ran into danger without a care for herself but he loved her all the more for that.

"I love you too Rose, and I will never judge you for any action you take. And I will endevour never to hurt you. I never want to be that man again and I believe with you, I won't be."

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