He had to be cold with her. He knew what he'd done. How much worse he'd made it by that kiss, but god, he couldn't not. Not when she'd looked at him like she had and simply because she deserved a kiss that was real, that meant something, even if only once. So he'd given her that and now he had to break his heart. Because he knew Alex, and he knew very well she couldn't stake him even if she wanted to. She didn't have it in her to end his life and he wouldn't put her in that danger.
"I have to be safe. You know as well as I what the consequences of anything else are. And you know why this can't ever be. If I pull away its because I have to, not because I..."
He cut off, it was such a stupid statement really, because he had to, not wanted to. It made so little sense and he by all accounts should just have walked away and left her to move on with her life, or her existence really. It had been so different with Pearl, usually she hated him, or was irritated by him. Or traumatised but that had only happened a few times and he'd given the Kia Ora back. And written a very nice apology to the miniature circus if he did say so himself.
Pearl and Leo had kept him grounded. But Tom and Annie, and now Alex, they all seemed stuck on this fanciful idea that he could be better than he was. It was ludicrous. And so coldness would have to prevail here.
"You aren't being dumped. As you say, we were never together, we never can be. If you won't let me leave Katherine's then I expect we will have to adjust to things. It will take time I'm sure, these things always do, but you're strong willed, and a good woman. You'll be fine."