InsaneJournal

For the entire weekend Regina had wondered whether pressuring House had been the right choice. He was a man that didn't talk about what was on his mind. She knew this from first hand experience and from the few times that she had caught an episode or two of his show. And yet she had pushed and pushed until he had agreed to them talking. It had taken the promise of a bribe but he had agreed. Regina hadn't been kidding when she told Katherine that her promised bribe was going to be given first. She knew that if she began the evening with what was on her mind there was the possibility of ruining it entirely. And if this was going to wind up being the last time they enjoyed one another's company she had best make the most of it.

So her promised bribe started off their evening. Everything was moving as per their usual. Only now that they were laying side by side in his bed, the awkward silence had settled in. Inwardly she groaned as her entire plan was falling apart. Regina knew that the last thing Gregory House wanted to do was talk; and she wasn't expecting him to lay all of his burdens on her. All she wanted to know was what was on his mind. It had to be serious for him to so adamantly deflect the conversation with no success. Sighing she turned onto her side gathering the sheets around her body and stared straight ahead at him. This entire evening had been at her urging but she was going to be damned if she was the one to start off their conversation.

House had been looking forward to this weekend for weeks now. He’d found out about the monster truck rally and decided he’d go, no matter what. His original plan to go with Harry was thwarted when the other man turned out to have other plans. His already-bought extra ticket managed not to go to waste when Lois grabbed up the opportunity to tag along and drag Clark with her. House would never understand how someone could read through a monster truck rally …

However, the moment he made the agreement with Regina to “talk” once he got back to Lawrence, things changed and his outlook on the weekend made a total one-eighty. For the first time since the two of them had even spoken, House was actually dreading this meeting with her. Talking was not his thing. That was Wilson’s thing. Or Cameron’s. But not his. She’d had to bribe him, but still, he’d agreed and he was kicking himself for that lapse of judgement the whole weekend. But damn did that bribe do a number on him. He’d have been out of his mind to say no.

But now that was over and the awkward he’d been trying so hard to avoid was settling in. He kind of wanted to run away, but it was his own apartment and that was probably extreme. The idea to kick her out crossed his mind and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t. When she turned on her side towards him, his lips drew up in a line, all the signal in the world anyone needed to know that this was not something he wanted, and he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “I’m not the one that was begging for this,” was all he said. It was as significant a start as she would get out of him for the time being.

Regina rolled her eyes at the obvious annoyance. This was going down hill more and more by the second. "You don't have to act like a child." Yes, this was the farthest thing that he wanted to do. Regina was well aware of that. But he had agreed. And the sooner they got it over with the faster the awkward tension could dissipate. Well, at least she hoped that it would. Anything could happen depending on what both of them would say. She loved the nights she spent with House and really did not want them to end.

“If you’re not already aware I’m basically a giant man-child, maybe we’re worse off than we thought, here.” He said, arching an eyebrow at her. She knew better than to think that he’d make this easy on any level. This was practically the bane of his existence. Talking and feelings. He didn’t want to deal with that shit.

He shifted, leaning towards the table beside the bed, opening the drawer, fishing momentarily for the pill bottle, finally finding it and pulling it out. If he was doing this, he would definitely need this.

“Oh, no, dear, I’m well aware of that. But for once you could act like an adult.” Regina couldn’t keep the response to herself. Or the slight annoyance that she was beginning to feel from being heard.

As he shifted on the bed she watched his movements wondering what he was doing. When he pulled the pill bottle out of the bedside table drawer she inched the slightest bit backwards on the bed. Regina wasn’t afraid she just didn’t want to chance him trying to give her any pills. The memory from the last time she had been inside his apartment still fresh in her mind.

He arched an eyebrow at her and shook his head as he popped two of the pills in his mouth and tossed the bottle back in the drawer and shut it. “I only drugged you because I had to,” he pointed out, her inching away not going unnoticed. “Which is more than Wilson can say. I only dosed him to prove a point.” he shrugged.

“Why doesn’t it surprise me that drugging your friends is a common occurrence?” Regina said not moving herself back to her previous position. She hadn’t moved all that much and she didn’t see the reason for moving closer to him. In fact she let out a sigh and rolled over onto her back staring straight at the ceiling.

There were few things Regina had regret for but this was slowly inching its way up onto that list. “One of us is going to have to be the bigger person and start this, Greg, and it isn’t going to be me. I may have pushed for this but you started it with your obvious avoidance.”

“Because you at least know me well enough to not be surprised by the shit I do.” He shrugged, watching her from the corner of his eye, but basically refusing to look at her directly in that moment.

However, that moment was short lived when that next comment rolled out of her mouth, because then he had to turn his head to give her an incredulous stare. “Oh, if you’re expecting me to be the bigger person, we’re just going to be at an impasse,” he shrugged again, “Not that I’d be complaining if we had to drop this current line of conversation or anything.”

“When it comes to you Greg, there is very little that surprises me.” Regina said and then sighed in defeat. He was the most stubborn headed man that she knew. And yet she didn’t want that to ever change. If he changed then he wouldn’t be the man that she had come to enjoy her time with.

Pursing her lips into a tight line she rolled over to face him again. May as well get it all out at once face to face. Because refusing to look him in the face as she spilled what she had been ignoring and burying was the cowards way. And if there was one thing that she wasn’t it was a coward. “What are we doing?” There it was a start. A simple question that held a lot of meaning behind it.

“Well, that’s good then. No room for disappointments that way.” And that was his philosophy for life. With no expectations, there were no disappointments and hadn’t he had enough of those as a kid? He’d started closing things off in that way a very long time ago, and that was part of why it was nearly impossible to get him to actually talk about anything.

He still had that distinct feeling of a need to run away from the situation at hand and that was not lessened any by that question. There was more to it than what was on the surface and he didn’t want to deal with that. But at this point, what choice did he really have? “I don’t know.” He said honestly. “Does it really need a label?” Labels changed things. Took away what was and made it into something else. House wasn’t sure he wanted something else.

Disappointments a word that she had heard a lot herself growing up. There was always something that she did that disappointed her mother. Didn’t sit up straight enough. Wasn’t polite enough to guests. Her curtsey was not accurate enough. The list went on and on. After awhile Regina just accepted that she was going to be the biggest disappointment to her mother. And for her, well, her father was the biggest disappointment of all. She loved him so much and yet he never stood up for her. Sure he loved her but he was never strong enough to stand up to his wife and prevent the abuse; both verbal and physical. Her whole damn life was full of one disappointment after the other.

Regina bent her arm and rested her cheek against the palm of her hand. Her fingers slipping into the strands of her hair that had grown since she had arrived in Lawrence. “I’m not certain how to answer that,” Regina said. She knew what she wanted deep down but that had potential to ruin everything. And she wasn’t quite at the point in this conversation that she would come right out and say it. “But Harry seems to have seen something and so has a friend of mine. And I’m certain there are others they just know better than to approach the topic.”

Despite the distinct lack of directness in that response, it still said a lot. Especially to someone like House who was always reading between the lines. “You mean you don’t want to answer it.” he said flatly, staring up at the ceiling.

“Harry sees everything through romance-tinted glasses.” He pointed out almost instantly, in retaliation to that comment. “And people see what they want to see.” his eyes flickered in her direction again. “What do you see?”

A very unladylike snort was heard coming from Regina at that response. “As if you want to answer it either.” The comment was delivered with a raised eyebrow to go with it. He may not have been able to see her raised eyebrow as he had gone back to staring at the ceiling but she gave it anyway.

Regina couldn’t argue against his statement about Harry. She didn’t know the man all that well. Hadn’t spoken to him but maybe once or twice. “They also see what others are blind to,” she said pointedly and then her breath hitched in her throat at his question. Her stomach was clenching. This was not how she had envisioned this going. She had hoped he would go first because if she spoke up then he might take it as a cue to clamp down and not say what was on his mind. But now she couldn’t very well just ignore the question. Well, she could but then they’d continue going around in circles.

There was a pause where her head remained titled down staring at a spot on the sheet. Her hand unconsciously clenching the sheet that covered her body. “I see the potential for something here,” she managed to get out and then raised her eyes to look in his direction. Internally she began bracing herself for the inevitable confirmation that she was insane for seeing things and that this whatever it was, was over. Because her track record only seemed to prove it over and over again.

"We've already established I want nothing to do with any of this." He pointed out matter-of-factly. And it was true. He'd made that clear days ago, before this talk even officially began to be a thing that was actually going to happen. And he'd continued to make that point very clear as they made their way through said conversation. There was no doubting Greg House's opinion on much of anything. He always let it be known, one way or another. The silence as she debating what to say to his own question was unnerving in and of itself. Couldn't they just get this over with already?

"You just have to oppose everything I say, don't you?" The quip came just as quickly as her comment had ended, as if he'd had it in mind for awhile and had simply been waiting for the perfect opportunity to use it. Her words, chosen oh-so-carefully, held more than the surface meaning behind them. He knew what it meant. He just wasn't sure what to make of it. Regina Mills was a lot of things, but she wasn't one to play games. However, that didn't change the fact that House was who he was and he wouldn't change that for the sake of a...relationship. The word itself made him secretly squirm, but wasn't that what she was hinting at? And wasn't that, in a way, what he'd been thinking of that day when she decided to bug him into this conversation in the first place? "Sounds like we're in a similar line of thought." was all he said, the words terse and stern, very obviously not something he wanted to say, but he was. And that said something.

“Yes, dear, I do.” Regina said and arched her brow. She was a very opinionated woman and most days rarely kept those opinions to herself. The few instances that she had kept those opinions to herself it was to avoid creating a situation. Her mere presence here created a tension-filled situation and on some fronts she had found it best to avoid creating more. Unless something arose that made it all but inevitable. Regina had another retort at the tip of her tongue to go along with her previous statement. House had done what she’d thought was impossible and shocked her. She had been preparing herself for a response that was the exact opposite of the one that she received. “It seems that you do have the ability to surprise me.”

"Gotta keep you on your toes somehow, don't I?" he asked, eyebrow raised in question at her, a hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. It didn't have to be weird, did it? They could keep things the same, without changing, right?

"This can't change anything." he said suddenly into the lull of silence that had crept between them. "I'm still going to be the same, pompous ass I've always been."

Regina laughed. "You can try. I've you mostly figured out doctor. It'll be rare that you surprise me," she said with a light teasing tone. Perhaps this wasn't going to turn out to be a complete disaster. They'd both forced out their thoughts that had remained shoved aside. Neither had yelled or completely ignored the other. It just might turn out all right.

When he broke the silence that followed Regina shifted closer to him. Before she spoke a soft sigh could be heard throughout the room. "Contrary to what may be going on in that head of yours, I don't want you to change. The man I've grown to care about is a pompous ass; and if he were to change who he is I'd leave in a heartbeat."

"I'm sure I could come up with something." he mused, smirk still firmly in place. If they could keep it just like this, no changes necessary, then this would be fine.

"A Vicodin-popping pompous ass." he corrected her. "If the pills are going to be an issue, speak now, because that's not changing either." Partially, that was simply House giving her an easy out if she wanted to take it, but it was also just yet another fact that wouldn't be changing any time soon.

"I will believe that when you manage to surprise me." she said smirking right back at him. This right here was what initially drawn her to him. He was very much alike her in most ways and that was what she had initially found intriguing. And it hasn't changed.

Regina gave him a look full of unrestrained amusement. "I stand corrected. A Vicodin popping pompous ass. Everyone has their quirks, my dear." The pills weren't an issue. So long as he didn’t drug her again she would never complain about seeing pills or a pill bottle. "I can turn that question right back around. Does the fact I'm far older than I appear and am capable of wielding some very powerful magic bother you? Because those are two things that aren't going to be able to change."

“Well, I've already done it once, can't be that hard to do it again." He liked that she could keep up with him in the witty repartee department. It kept things far more entertaining and interesting that way.

"I don't think anyone's ever called that a quirk before, but I'll take it." he shrugged. Sounded better than habit or addiction. "How old are you exactly?" He didn't really see it as a big deal, but now that she pointed it out, he was kind of curious. "And considering I'm in an alternate reality where my life is a tv show and magic doesn't always mean illusion? No. The magic doesn't bother me."

“We shall see.” Regina had no doubt that he would find some way to surprise her. But she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. That would be too easy.

“First time for everything, Greg, first time for everything,” she shot back and then raised her brow again. She had walked into the age question and should have expected him to ask. He was Gregory House no question was off limits for him to ask. “If you must know, I’m 66, dear. Tell anyone and I will deny it completely.” Technically speaking she’d be 67 in a matter of weeks as her birthday fell the end of April. But as birthdays came and went she often chose to ignore them since from the time she was 10 her birthday ceased to matter. Regina chose to make no comment on his response of her magic not bothering him. She did wonder how if at all that opinion would change if he knew what she had done with that magic. Then again he could very well find that out by searching her name via the internet.

"It's one of those firsts I'm not going to mind much because it sounds way better than what other people say about it." He admitted with a shrug. He knew, deep down, there was an addiction there, but like hell he would ever admit it. He was in pain. Chronic, never-ending pain. And he needed to be able to function without the pain, so the cycle was a never-ending one.

"You don't look a day over thirty-five." He mused. He didn't care. After a certain point, age just stopped being something that mattered in most things. Except sometimes getting price breaks. He approved of that tradition.

"What they say doesn't matter" People had their own opinions about everything. Regina included. Addiction was the word she'd chosen to not voice. Sure, she had noticed it, but who was she to say anything. She who was struggling to control and not use her magic everyday. Magic was an addiction to her. It always had been since she had learned it. House took the pills to stave off his pain and for her that's what magic had been. The pill that made her forget the feeling of the emotional pain and loss she had suffered. It wasn't full proof as she was always driven by her heart but it had helped. So if House needed the pills for the pain she would never say anything. Though the thought did enter her mind of healing his leg. Her magic was capable of it. While healing spells had never been her focus she did know how to channel her magic to perform them. Maybe one day she would bring it up. It couldn't hurt to ask at some point in time.

Regina smirked. Of course she didn't look a day over 35. The one perk of the curse being that time stopped moving. No one aged beyond the physical age they had been the day she cast the curse. Once the curse broke they may feel older in their minds but physically everyone had remained the same. The day had kept repeating itself until Emma Swan had entered the town and time began moving. "Anything else on your mind that you want to ask, dear?" May as well get most if not all of the questions out of the way now.

“I’m aware of this.” he said, looking over at her. “You honestly think I care what they say? I didn’t even listen to the Dean at my hospital and she could take my practice from me over that.” He never would have even dreamed of asking her to fix his leg. There had been a lot of trials and attempts but in the end, it was just dead muscle that couldn’t be helped and would cause him pain for the rest of his life. And, in a lot of ways, it had become such a part of him he wasn’t sure he wanted it fixed. And, if he were really honest with himself, a part of him was actually defined by it after five years.

“I could ask about your deep-rooted mommy issues, but then you’d probably expect me to share something equally emotionally scarring and...I don’t talk about,” There was the smallest pause, almost unnoticeable, where he almost said ’my father’ before he decided maybe that was too much and he went with, “things like that.”

Regina scoffed. From what she had seen on the show if Lisa Cuddy had wanted to take his practice away she would have. The fact that she hadn’t told Regina that despite his addiction to the pills, the woman knew just how great of a doctor he was. It was either that or she felt guilt for going against his wishes. Or it could be a little of both. But Regina only knew what she could see on the television screen. “No matter who you are, something or someone does always break down your walls.”

“I don’t want to talk about her” Regina immediately clammed up. Her mother was a topic that she very much did not want to think about. He had already seen more than she had ever shown anyone. The television show only touched briefly on her life and for that she was grateful. Because the very last thing that she needed or wanted was for people to feel any sort of pity for her. No, Regina would rather be hated than be pitied. This was one topic that Regina was fine with not talking about. While she wanted to know more about the man beside her, delving into her own past to do so, well that was a no go. “You can ask about anything else to do with me but she is off limits. And so is my father for that matter.”

He frowned at those words. They were disturbing. Sickening. Toxic. They said someone would break down all of the walls he had built around himself years ago. They very subtly implied maybe she would be the one. Or at least maybe she wanted to be the one. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about that. So he discarded that line of thought entirely.

One mention of the woman and everything about Regina immediately went rigid. It was interesting, the effect her mother had on her. He had no idea what she had done, other than what bit was revealed when she was hallucinating, but her mother had a very clear impact on her if she could still control her here, from another dimension. However, it wasn’t something he could mock. And that was because it was something he could empathize with. He had, he assumed, a fairly similar reaction to talk about his father. John House had always been a very typical, rigid, and emotionally distant military man. That, more than most things, was what he remembered about the man. There were other things, deeper darkness in the recesses of his memories, long since attempted to be repressed. The attempts hadn’t worked all that well, which was probably why the attempts still continued. “Yeah,” he muttered, nodding slowly. “Let’s just leave them out of it.”

It hadn’t escaped her notice that he ignored her comment about breaking down the walls. When she had said it the intention had been that even the toughest of characters can be bothered by what another says to them and/or about them. His silence on that comment allowed Regina to see the double entendre behind it. A double entendre that he must have assumed to be the reasoning behind her words thus his silence. And maybe she did want to break down his walls. Be that person that got to see the man beneath it all. But then that could also mean he could be the one to break down her own walls. Most had already begun to break down when she had truly allowed herself to feel for others. The few that remained were her security blanket. They would fly up the minute that they were needed to protect what remained of her already tattered heart.

“Agreed,” she said letting the tension in her body release. Knowing that they were in agreement about not talking about her parents had put her at ease. Regina didn’t even care why House was so quick to be in agreement. All that mattered at that moment was that she didn’t have to reopen those old wounds when she was already stripped bare; both literally and emotionally. “Tell me, why did Gregory House, become a doctor?”

There was a mental sigh of relief when she didn’t press why he was so readily agreeable to that. He would have to explain and that wasn’t really a road he was ready to travel. But then she asked that. That obvious question that everyone always asked, no matter what your profession: Why?

“I was fourteen. My dad was stationed in Japan. My friend, Frank and I, we were rock climbing and the idiot fell, broke his wrist so we went to the hospital. We went in the wrong way and we passed by this guy, this janitor. Wouldn’t have thought anything of it except Frank ended up with an infection no one knew what to do about. So...they called in this janitor we’d seen before.” a slight smirk crossed his lips at the memory. It was, in a lot of ways, a truly defining moment in his life, insignificant as it had seemed in the beginning at the time. “Turns out, he was the smartest guy in the place. But they all ignored him. He didn’t bother trying to get anyone’s attention. He was part of a social class in Japan, a buraku, bottom ring of the social class. They ignored him...until they needed him because then they had to listen to him, because he was right.” In all truth, it was a very simple thing, but it had created a sort of epiphany in the fourteen year old him.