Morgana Pendragon beat Arthur at swordplay (hiddenmagic) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2013-02-11 18:50:00 |
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Entry tags: | arthur pendragon, morgana |
Who: Arthur and Morgana
What: Massive fight of anger and feels and issues
When: Evening 11 February 2013
Where: Morgana and Lancelot's apartment in the complex
Warnings: Feels?
Status: Log | Complete
“You are aware that you do not need to stay here.”
Honestly, Arthur was beginning to grate on Morgana’s nerves. Well. That was normal for him but the fact remained that once the fliers showed up, Arthur seemed more insistent on staying around then Morgana was used to. Meaning? It had been a very long weekend. And while she had managed to go to the magic user meeting the day previous, Morgana had found that it hadn’t helped her in what she was attempting to do. Reproducing protective amulets was all well and good, but it didn’t help her in finding a way to help Loki. Which was the real reason she had gone as she had failed thus far and that just wasn’t an option.
Not only that, but Arthur hanging around made it infinitely harder for the witch to find a way to do as she had been all week. She was reduced to researching different spells and ideas on the internet or from the books she brought up from the library. Normally she tried to keep this sort of thing more personal, or at least out of Arthur’s vision because it was easier than potentially getting into a massive fight because no matter what he said, no matter what his gift at Christmas was supposed to represent, Morgana knew that he wasn’t okay with her studying magic and she didn’t have the energy needed to keep calm in any sort of conversation on the matter.
But it would be better once Loki was free of the control he was under, (timing pointing towards Dark), and things returned to Lawrence level normal.
So if Arthur would just leave, Morgana could become more thorough in her research again and actively try things with more space and end it all.
Some part of Arthur knew he was probably being a bit ridiculous in how stalkery he was being around Morgana. But he did care about her and that was why he was sticking closer to her. Especially after the fliers for Dark’s freaky carnival showed up. He was sticking closer than normal. Like hell he was going to let anything happen to her.
At her words, he rolled his eyes. “Who else is going to keep you out of trouble? A magic wand?” he shot back. He looked over at the young woman he had grown up with. How the hell had he not realized she could do magic? He should have noticed. Was he really that thick headed and...well stupid about it? Or had she casted some spell to make him not realize? He really was, for her, trying to be okay with magic but it didn’t help that the Morgana he knew in his point of time had tried to kill him and used magic to take over the kingdom. It left a really bad taste in his mouth in regards to magic.
He folded his arms and stared at her, his feet planted to show he wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. He noticed the books she had but refused to acknowledge them. They meant nothing, probably just silly magic tricks.
Normally, Morgana would roll her eyes, but between lack of sleep and her worry which... tied into said lack of sleep, she was not having any of it. Especially since Arthur was ignoring some very important facts in the whole equation. Which she was more than happy to enlighten him to.
“One. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Two, Lancelot lives here or did you forget? And three, while there are some who require a wand to control their magic, that is not me, so a magic wand isn’t even around”
Beyond the plastic wand in the magic kit Arthur got her. But if anything was to have magical properties, it needed to be natural, not synthetic and generic. And yes, she did acknowledge vocally that she was indeed practicing magic despite what they both knew would happen in her future. But her future wasn’t here, not in that sense and Arthur was just going to have to get used to it because hiding and pretending was tiresome and she wasn’t about to feel like she was living in Camelot with this secret anymore.
“So like I said. You do not need to stay here.”
“Just because Lancelot lives here doesn’t mean you’re completely safe.” At her mentioning of practicing magic, his eyes tightened ever so slightly. “Right. Magic. Because magic is just oh so wonderful, right? Makes everything better?” He didn’t bother to mask the snort. “Magic does nothing but cause harm and we both know it.”
He brushed some of his blond hair from his eyes and stared at her. “I’ve never seen anything good come from magic.” Perhaps it was naive of him to say such but he felt it was true. Magic caused more harm than good. “So yes. I do need to stay here for when magic fails as it no doubt will,” he returned, giving her a hard look. She was going to have to force him out. He was ridiculously stubborn when he wanted to be.
Oh, Morgana saw the reaction to the mentions of her using magic and it took all of her self control not to lash out right then. She had known all along, really, how he actually felt. And normally she could understand it, knew how it was viewed in Camelot but after the things she had learned, not just here but through that stupid television show, she knew that it was wrong. And right now, she could imagine more fully than she had before the isolation she would end up feeling there. To be unable to use what she had because of how it was viewed. While Merlin... oh Merlin.
Eyes narrowing more, the brunette woman scoffed.
“Oh please, and you being here is supposed to keep me perfectly safe?!”
But that wasn’t just it. There was so much more at stake here. And Arthur was being himself and pigheaded and refusing to listen or think and hold fast to his father’s idiotic views that pushed all the magic users against him. Had he just left it alone and not made some personal vendetta, then maybe he wouldn’t see an enemy in every person with a single tie to magic.
“So we’re going to blame all ills on magic then just like your idiotic father, is that it?!”
Because Morgana never kept hidden her views on Uther. Oh, she played her part but she was always the one to challenge him when he was overstepping his bounds. He may have disagreed, he may send her to the dungeons but she never stayed quiet when he was wrong.
“Grow up, Arthur. Magic can be used for good just as well as evil. Know what causes harm? Know where no good comes from? Being forced to hide, and lie to protect yourself. Feeling isolated and afraid and knowing there was no one to help you but yourself!”
For now, Morgana wouldn’t focus on Merlin and Gaius, but she was already feeling herself falling more to her anger and frustration where anything could and probably would be said. But she was keeping her emotions as under control as she could, no power surges, just angry words and attempts to kill Arthur with a glare.
Arthur’s eyes narrowed when she mentioned his father. “Maybe he was right!” he shot back hotly, glaring at her. “Name one damn good thing magic has done!” he challenged, uncrossing his arms and taking a step forward. “Magic has nearly destroyed Camelot and I’ve not seen one shred or tendril of magic saving it!” He stared hard at her. “You never caused any harm or trouble outside of normal but then after we found you after that year you were different and tried to take over Camelot through magic! It corrupted you!”
He stared at her, his fists clenched. “It’s evil!” Maybe he was being foolish and rash in his judgement of magic. Maybe he was no better than his father in blaming magic. But with everything he had been through, how could Morgana honestly blame him? Or anyone for his personal views on magic. Maybe magic was different here but that didn’t change the fact in his life, it caused harm.
“Maybe if you had listened to me whenever I had a dream you would say differently, did you ever think about that?!” Because Morgana didn’t know what would have happened had people bothered to listen to her, but perhaps things would have been better. Instead, she would go to Gaius and he would ignore her and let her think she was insane.
“But no, they were just silly dreams, nothing important! And are you so sure? Yes, there is a balance of nature that must be maintained but would you consider yourself evil then because of what Uther did?”
Should she have revealed that? Perhaps not. But at this point, she was too angry to care.
“Oh. Right. Why would he tell you that he went to a Priestess of the Old Religion to beg for a son. He didn’t listen when he was told a price would be paid, a life would be lost so one could be granted. He blamed magic instead and because of that he villainized it all and made enemies in those who could have been his allies!”
Stepping closer to the man who would be king, Morgana’s eyes remained narrow.
“Does that make your precious Merlin evil, then? But right. Gaius made sure he kept it secret while letting me believe I was insane!”
One of the candles flickered from Morgana’s continuous anger, but it settled as she regained control.
“Do not blame magic when it is the actions of man themselves that made those who were different the enemy.”
He frowned at her words of him considering himself evil. But a few moments later it was revealed why and he stared in slight shock and disbelief. “No...that’s not true!” he snapped with a shake of his head. “My mother died in childbirth. Lots of mothers have.” But...if that was true, what Morgana was saying was true about how he was conceived and born... It would explain why his father hated magic so much... He shook his head again. “Magic can’t do that. It can’t create life.”
When she stepped closer to him, he held his ground, glaring at her. “Merlin? Able to do magic? Did you hit your head or something? The boy’s a klutz! That’s all!” he returned. What he was about to say next though died on his lips when she mentioned Gaius letting her think she was insane.
“...why would he do such a thing?” he demanded. “What purpose would Gaius have for such a thing?”
And there was the oh so familiar denial that Arthur was known for. At least to Morgana. Anytime he had no explanation, he denied it, and found some other excuse. The simple excuse. The one that wouldn’t shake his entire worldview and show that he was wrong. That Uther was wrong. It was easier to make Morgana wrong and a liar. Easier for his tiny little head.
“And how convenient that death in childbirth is common for us! He was warned of the consequences, that for a life to be created in someone unable to give birth, a life would be taken to maintain the balance. He started that war when blaming all magic.”
The denial of Merlin having magic caused Morgana to laugh a bitter laugh. Mocking. Because how blind did Arthur have to be to not see it? Though. It was Arthur.
“Which is why in every other version of your life, he is a wizard. Why the wrong version of him is a wizard. Why the people from the world of Hogwarts swear by him. Only our Merlin is unable to use magic? How simple your life must be to live in such a delusion. So easy to ignore what you do not wish to see and so it simply is not so. That’s why magic suddenly became so much more prevalent within our lives after his arrival. Use your brain, Arthur! Oh right. You don’t have one and just puppet what Uther taught you instead of rising above him like you have the potential to do if you bothered to open your eyes!”
As if Morgana had the answer to why Gaius was content to allow her to think she suffered insanity.
“Merlin was the one who suggested the Druids to me because Gaius could not be bothered to care what his denial was doing. It was better than the alternative. He could only focus on one to teach so it was Merlin. A boy he had only just met. He knew Arthur, before Sophia. Before you were harmed because you didn’t listen.”
Crossing her arms, Morgana shot Arthur a challenging glare.
“But let me guess. Just another lie. Because how could you possibly be so wrong about so many people!”
Arthur shook his head. “No. He wouldn’t do that just for an heir.” Arthur knew how bullheaded his father could be (it was where he got it from after all) but he couldn’t believe that his father wouldn’t listen to the fact that there could be consequences. Every action had a consequence. It was how the world worked. And the consequences of magic were too great. “I know he’s flawed Morgana but I am not his puppet! How many times have I stood up to him and suffered for it? Going against his will to save Merlin when he was poisoned? I nearly died in that cave that held the flower that saved his life! But oh, right, I’m his puppet!”
He shook his head. “Are you jealous?” he asked, a small smirk on his face. “That’s it, isn’t it? You’re jealous that Gaius took interest in someone else!” He gave a small laugh. “How petty is that?? The great and powerful Morgana is jealous over a manservant!”
And as per usual, Arthur ignored what he didn’t want to admit and instead found a way to turn it around on her. And in this case? This case he was doing even more damage than usual. Jealous? No. But betrayed? Oh most definitely. Where someone claimed her their favourite patient, who was one of the handful of people Morgana actually trusted would sooner let her think she was insane, who saw what it did to her but tried to brush it off.
“You’ve stood up to him which is why I always said you would be better than him. But clearly I was wrong in that particular belief.”
Eyes narrowed dangerously, Morgana clenched her hands at her side to keep from striking the prince and king regent, and to keep her control so as not to accidentally blow out the windows or set the entire apartment on fire. But the more he pushed, the harder it was.
“Oh wouldn’t you just love that! You’re already laughing at the idiotic belief I would be jealous of Merlin!”
She wasn’t jealous. But it did hurt. And that was something else entirely. Because it went so much deeper than petty jealousy. Honestly, if someone who knew her so well could lie to her about such a major part of her, if someone who was supposed to know her just saw her as jealous.
“You know nothing, Arthur Pendragon. You never have and you never will, sooner content to hide behind your idiotic delusions of what is happening all around you.”
“So is that why you betrayed me? Oh sorry, will betray me? Because I don’t live up to your standards? I didn’t realize I had to be perfect for you!” he snapped. He glared at her, his eyes blazing. “I’m doing the best I can but did you ever stop to think that if people had been honest with me too that I might be better!?” he snarled.
“That I might be more accepting of magic than my father? But that never occurred to you did it? You, Gaius, or Merlin! All you saw was another version of my father! That’s all you’ve seen in me!” He glared, feeling a bit more hurt and betrayed than he’d ever admit.
And the thing they always avoided talking about was voiced. Well, beyond the magic. That Morgana would betray Arthur. And she didn’t know why. Not really. She could theorize and this argument was proving more and more how she could. Because in the end, it was betrayal. Betrayal by the people she trusted most. Truly, the only people she trusted. She and Arthur could argue and hurtful words could be said, but never to this level. Never this deep.
“I haven’t lived it yet, so I can’t tell you what I was thinking! But if you betrayed me I can easily see why. And I only just found out while with the Druids so don’t cry about how no one told you when those two had plenty of time to tell you before then. As for why after? Again, I. Don’t. Know. I can only theorize but you’re making it easier to understand!”
She wasn’t denying it could happen, she knew it did. But she also could see why, now more than ever.
Eyes blazing from pain and betrayal, and realizations, Morgana dug her nails into her palm, but she didn’t feel the pain of the breaking of her own skin. She was too focused on the rage and betrayal.
He blinked at her words. “Betrayed you? When in the hell have I betrayed you Morgana?? Sure we’ve had our squabbles but I never once betrayed you! So name one time when I did betray you!” he challenged, glaring.
He shook his head. “You betrayed me, broke my father and made him a wreck and forced me into a role I wasn’t ready for! So thanks a lot for that!” he yelled, not bothering to keep his voice lowered. He honestly didn’t care anymore of who heard or not.
And he just kept pushing it! And of course wasn’t listening which meant that she didn’t know right now but clearly he would have betrayed her at some point for her to do that. Uther betrayed her constantly. Gaius and his refusing to help and let her think she was insane. Merlin.
“You were pulling away. You never listened. You don’t think that wears on a person?! I couldn’t have gone to you even if I wanted to! And if you bothered to listen to what I said, I said I don’t know what happens, you’re from over a year after me!”
Because she had already noticed him pulling away. Not being there as he used to be, bickering or not. In the end, they still had been there for one another but she had been losing that feeling even before she knew the truth. And honestly, she was fine with not having someone there at all times. But to feel unable to even go to them to begin with? That was the difference.
She could feel the anger and betrayal coming to a boiling point. But she wasn’t going to storm out. This was her home. She shared this apartment with Lancelot. Arthur was the one who kept barging in as if he owned the place.
“Do you even know why I’m studying magic? Do you even care?! No. Of course not. You just see one outcome and refuses to see any other one. You are a blind fool, just like your tyrannical father!”
Arthur clenched his fists and glared at her. “I may be a blind fool but the only tyrant in this room is you! You are far crueler than I would have ever thought Morgana! Camelot suffered under you just as much as it suffered under my father!”
He shook his head. “I have always cared about you Morgana! Uther wasn’t the only one that broke with your betrayal! I pushed it aside though for Camelot! Because Camelot needed a better ruler than you!” he snapped angrily, taking a step forward towards her without thinking. He had no idea how much of a bad idea it was to be pushing her so much but maybe this needed to be out.
“Like you would even tell me the truth of why you’re studying magic!”
And that was it. Morgana didn’t know the circumstances, she just knew the outcome and it was something she fought constantly. But that was it. Without thinking, she slapped Arthur as hard as she could, eyes blazing. Because like hell would she ever let this arrogant, hard headed, infuriating jerk see her cry. Like hell would she let him see her break. She kept the armor around herself and her heart for a reason. Because everyone betrayed her in the end.
“Get. Out.”
The words were growled lowly through clenched jaw, her hand trembling.
“GET OUT!”
It wasn’t the first time the two had fought to the point of screaming, but here it was. But she was also shoving Arthur out the door, breathing heavily through her rage. She didn’t even bother saying why she was studying. Let him think she was doing it so she could cause damage. She didn’t care anymore. Because she was going to use it to help. She would prove him wrong. She would prove Uther wrong. All of them.
The second he was past the threshold of the door, Morgana slammed it shut before sliding down against the door. She honestly couldn’t recall if Lancelot was there at the moment or not. It didn’t matter, though. Not right now.