River Song is the shadow that follows the Doctor (atleasthearme) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2012-12-19 02:33:00 |
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Entry tags: | river song |
Who: River Song
What: River does some introspection and finds that a fire rages within her soul. Whether this fire is a touch of Romana's War Queen or a product of what the Silence did to her remains to be seen.
When: Afternoon of December 19th
Where: Kyoto, Japan
Warnings: Rated PG, surprisingly
Status: Narrative, complete
Mels. Melody Pond. River Song. Melody Malone.
How many names could she have? River was wondering if she should change her name for this regeneration. But that was the issue wasn't it? Trying to find herself again, work out what her personality was. She didn't exactly like the soul-searching. Having gone to the Far East, River had actually tried some meditation, to find some calm after the turmoil and chaos that had been her regeneration. While she was thankful this time her regeneration hadn't happened because she'd been accidentally shot instead of Hitler, she had been born into a war. The need to fight had been strong all through her regeneration. First it had been fighting to stay alive long enough for doctors to try to save her life, but then it had turned into regenerating and coming out as a survivor. The hellhound hadn't killed her for good, though she'd thought it had for a moment. Really, she was suddenly grateful that Romana had given her the rest of her regenerations because she was alive in the here and now.
But remaining still was not something River found to be easy. She never was one to take to being, well, zen, but it was something she'd tried as she worked through the post-regeneration confusion and need for self-discovery. What she was finding was a bit surprising. There were parts of herself that reminded her of that future version of herself, the one that had raised Althea and seen many of her friends and loved ones die. While she wasn't anywhere near as stark and ready to kill anything that remotely resembled a demon, River could feel that edginess within her. She seemed to have less patience than in her last regeneration. That could lend itself to landing her as more of the antagonistic sort. But what could she do? She'd been born in the heat of battle and the need for survival. Wasn't it the regeneration itself and the emotions immediately surrounding that event that shaped what the Time Lord would become afterwards? It was only a theory, but sometimes that impression of the regeneration and the trauma that caused it marked one so deeply that it carried into their next regeneration.
River Song was a chameleon by nature, even without the regeneration aspect, and that still seemed to hold true for her. Of course there would always be parts of her from her previous regenerations, that was the trademark, really. To be the same person yet completely different at the same time. It was a sensation that River had forgotten about, hadn't thought she'd ever need to go through it again after she'd sacrificed all of her regenerations to save the Doctor from death. While she had been to a couple Buddhist temples and more than a few Shinto shrines, River found she'd rather be in the bustle of a city. For the meantime, she'd settled in Kyoto, having a hotel room, and spent her days walking the streets. Though she never paid people much attention. In fact, most of the time she was lost within her own thoughts and memories, using the hustle and bustle around her as background noise.
Now, she easily could have done this very same thing in Lawrence, but River couldn't be around her friends and family right now. She didn't even want to be in that city. Memories were pressing on her. Even the memories of that future she'd been sent to when her future self had come here were weighing on her. Obviously that future had changed as the Master and Romana were both dead. Surprisingly, she found herself having mixed feelings towards Romana. The Time Lady should have kept her regenerations and continued living. As much as she hated everything regarding the Master, she hadn't wished Romana's death. But what could she do now? It was more than troubling.
As she worked her way through her emotions, River found she was more angry than anything. No, angry was too strong a word to describe what she felt. There was a fire within her that was burning stronger than it had in her previous regeneration. Was it left over from the things the Silence had done to her? Was she tapping more into that programmed killer they had made her into? It was difficult to tell, and River's memories of her early days in the hands of the Silence and Madam Kovarian were jumbled at best. Clearly there were some tendencies towards falling back into what she'd been made to be that were being brought to the surface more. Perhaps it was because of the experimenting that had been done to her that she always had a liking for guns. Even after breaking the programming the Silence had instilled in her, she'd never shaken the liking of guns. She had an incredible love for them, much to the Doctor's chagrin, but it was who she was. It was who she would always be.
River Song was a warrior, perhaps even more so in this new regeneration. Calmness and stillness were not for her. She was more at ease with a weapon in her hand and an enemy to fight. That is where she belonged, and it seemed she would be fighting on the front lines more often than not in this regeneration. The Silence didn't know just what they had made her, and there was a thought that this regeneration would show her more of that. No doubt this wasn't what her parents wanted her to be, but River couldn't be anything else. She'd been the result of an experiment, the child of the TARDIS, and now she had the regeneration aspect of a Time Lord that had changed her yet again.
"Well, sweetie, new face, new rules. So let's walk into the fire." River smirked a bit at the murmur to herself. Might as well see what this new life had in store for her.