He felt worse right then than he had since this had all happened. In all his personal hurt he hadn't ever wanted to drag her in to it. He knew from their previous conversations there were things she wanted to know about. And he rembrred saying then if she wanted to hear them he'd tell her, but then she'd said she loved him and she wouldn't push. And it hasn't come up again.
The fact that she could doubt his love was worse still. So much of what he'd done had been out of his love for her. He had proved it a hundred times over now. He would be lost without her in his life.
When she ducked her head he reached over with his good hand and took hers, fingers squeezing hers gently. "I'm sorry. I know I'm not dealing with this well and it hasn't been fair on you I just...I'm not sure what to do. I don't know how to...it just," he couldn't even explain himself, and now of all times when she'd said she wished he'd talk. So he changed tactics.
"When Gisborne stabbed me, I didn't rest long enough. Not just because I'm too stubborn," he gave her an amused smile as though that would be an accusation she might make, "but because there was so much to keep doing. And then I took a fever and you know the rest. But here...I guess I feel lost," he admitted quietly.