WHO: Tahiri Veila and Jacen Solo WHAT: There are guilt feels and complicated and it’s THEM, okay! Oh and then a hellhound. WHEN: November 29th, after Jacen’s post to her WHERE: The park near to the Complex RATING: PG-13 for violence. STATUS: Log; complete
Tahiri’s head felt as though it was going to explode. Actually explode. She could feel the stress almost like a physical pressure against her temples, her pulse pounding away.
Anakin was here.
Anakin.
Everything she had done, all of it, had all started with a need to see him again, her addiction to Flow Walking back to him and the stupid, misguided belief that she could somehow gain the power to change time itself and save him, so they could grow old together. She had thought that was what Jacen... Caedus had wanted too. The fact he had preyed on her weakness was something she didn’t know if she could ever forgive.
And now Anakin was here, and still a mere 17 and so innocent, so free of the knowledge of what would happen to the galaxy, to them, after he was gone. For the first time since this strangeness had started, Tahiri was actually glad she couldn’t feel the Force right then, couldn’t give into the temptation to reach out and contact him. She truly did not know how she would react to him like that, or him to her for that matter. She was 28 now. And a Sith, sort of. Actually, she had never defined what she was now, feeling neither Sith nor Jedi. Figuring all that out was just too hard.
Maybe it was foolish of her, but she found an odd comfort in the familiarity of accepting orders from Jacen. He was her stability in this chaos. Even after everything, he could ground her in ways no one else could possibly manage, bring her back to herself with mere words. And she needed that, oh how she needed it. Needed to feel centered in this whirlwind. So when he gave the order, she went, strapping the simple weapons she had on, her lightsaber and her blaster. Eventually she would have to get some local weapons, or figure out how to recharge and reload the blaster when it ran out, but for now it would do. And they were familiar to her too. Her hair was pulled back from her face, and while she lacked the military uniform she had once worn, the simple combination of loose pants and vest top was close enough to the soldiers of this world. She could function and she could fight. The amulet to protect against possession was around her neck, just settled beneath the collar of her vest. And when she arrived at the park, as commanded, her body and mind was alert and ready.
Kriff it was too easy to be her Master, just command her and watch as she followed him, obedient because it was easy. Because that was how it worked and how she had grown in her power. He wasn’t slipping, he knew that. It wasn’t Caedus influence pulling him back. He had too much going for him here for that. He had his wife and he had Allana. But all the same, it was easy around Tahiri. She knew him utterly, the last one to leave him, the very last to tell him he’d gone too far. Because simply put he’d used her, manipulated her and moulded her into the perfect apprentice.
She was that, even now. She liked the orders, and he knew why, for the same reason he liked giving them. They were simple, they were easy and it was the relationship that had developed between them. Pure and simple loyalty. And there she stood in the park, nervous without her powers, scared of the fact she didn’t have the Force to rely on and he saw it as a chance for a lesson. He’d been planning to take it from her at some point anyway. Now, maybe this would suffice.
“Tahiri” he said simply having gotten closer to her than her danger sense would ever have allowed under normal circumstances. “Lesson one. Don’t rely on the Force for everything.” Once again he was teacher to her, this really being their first encounter in person since her arrival. And now of course Anakin was here and he knew her mind would be a swirling maelstrom of confusion and hurt and bitterness at missed chances and maybe even jealousy at his own happiness with Tenel Ka.
“I suppose we rather need to decide what we’re going to tell him. I’m guessing ‘You did say give her a kiss from me” is probably considered uncouth. “And is this before or after I tell him I named a planet burning Star Destroyer after him. And where oh where do I fit in the whole made your girlfriend my apprentice part. That I ordered you here and here you are. Loyal even still, even after the lies.” The tone was light but Tahiri of all people would know the typical slightly self loathing crispness for what it was. He stepped in closer to her, aware of the situation and aware of the danger.
But if she didn’t learn to be herself without the Force now she’d never learn.
“You don’t know how to be disloyal to me do you? You still can’t fathom it.”
When he stepped that close to her, Tahiri’s first instinct was to tense up, before she made herself relax her muscles slightly. Rather than reaching out through the Force, she focused on each other sense, one at a time. What she could see, how close he was, how his body language was. What she could hear, the speed of his breathing, the shifting sounds of his feet on the ground as he moved his weight. What she could smell, that scent of his aftershave getting closer. Each one, letting her get a feel for where he was and how he was moving, without using the Force. It still felt as though she was half blind, but focusing on that helped clear her mind.
Not that that meant she couldn’t hear the words he was saying as well. “Depends on how much you think he needs to know,” her voice was steady as it could be, though there was a faint crack in there, that flinch. She had made mistakes herself, mistakes that would hurt him in ways she never thought she would have to face. “That you became Sith, that you took me with you, those he’ll hear from someone, sooner or later. About the Star Destroyer, I doubt he’ll mind that as much as the first part. About the kiss?” Kiss and then some. More than a few occasions.
As he moved, she focused and managed to turn neatly to face him. Aware of him even without going for the east option of the Force. “Does he need to know? Does your wife?”
It was just so complicated. Tahiri didn’t want to hurt Anakin by revealing the full extent of her relationship with his brother. Nor did she want to hurt Tenel Ka, with the truth. She didn’t want that sort of relationship with Jacen, never had. It had never been about love or being a couple, it had been just that need to be with someone who understood. And now he had his wife. And yes, Tahiri felt a flare of jealousy. Not of Tenel Ka, of him. That he had found the sort of peace she so desperately craved for herself now.
“If I’m not loyal to you now, what else do I have?” Her eyes met his, with a flare of defiance. “I’m in a world I don’t know, that I don’t understand, and yes you lied to me, and no I can’t forgive that. But you’re also the one who knows me, who understands and I need that. So no, I can’t fathom the idea of being disloyal.” Her look up at him almost dared him to deny it, or to abuse it or something. The difference between the Tahiri of now and the Tahiri of then was this one, having been so betrayed and broken again, saw the difference between disloyalty and questioning, or loyalty and trust.
Look at that, she was adapting. Already changing to her environment and he really really needed to stop thinking of her as a project. He’d done enough, this, all this it was penance. He was helping her grow as she should have grown. And it would have been fine but now there was Anakin to contend with. Anakin who would never, could never understand why he’d made the choices he had and why he’d pulled Tahiri along with him into the darkness. Originally because Ben was annoyingly astute and then he’d started to see what a good choice he had made in her. It would hurt more than the Tahiri of before. The younger one, still running around shoeless, still so carefree even with the Vong in her mind. Happy. He wasn’t sure this one remembered happy.
“They don’t need to know, of course they don’t but the thing about this world, and our story Tahiri is that its a few minutes on the holonet away. They can look, either of them and see what they say about us. Which is by the way that we were ‘together’. They do helpfully point out in all these biographies that it was, as we have determined, need and little else. But there begs the question, do we tell them before they discover it and have to ask themselves what else we were hiding, or do we hope they never do. Honestly I’m more worried about Anakin than Tenel Ka. If she has looked she’s not said and if she hasn’t then she’s accepted my story and won’t. But Anakin, is Anakin. He’ll eventually wonder.”
Curious was one word for it. Jacen in their youth had always gone with nozy. “I wonder though Tahiri if you can see it from my side. How hard it might possibly be for me to have your loyalty. Even if you hate me, even if you’re angry. I gave you an order and you obeyed it. Without question, without hesitation. I’m not going to lie and say its not a temptation. It is. It probably always will be because you’re good at what you do, even without the Force I can see you’re going to understand it when our lessons begin. Of course maybe you’re happy I’m tempted because I deserve to be. Because I’ve had it too easy here and maybe you’re right. But for now we just need to decide on what we tell them and what...”
Jacen paused, glancing over his apprentices shoulder and noting...something.
Something he’d have spotted before now normally and something he’d sense as wrong. Very wrong. He leaned in a little more to whisper to her, missing the Force more than ever right now.
“I believe we are about to be tested Lieutenant. Tell me, Have you ever faced an invisible beastial foe without the Force. Because this is a new one even for me.”
Tahiri listened. She had to, because he was speaking the truth, and her face remained impassive, even if inside she flinched at a couple of points. The idea of them being talked about, by those who just thought them fictional, was hard to swallow. The concept of Anakin looking it up for himself was worse. Would it be worse in the long run to not mention anything? Would Tenel Ka end up looking at her not just with the pity that seemed to exist now, but with revulsion and hatred? Would Anakin ever be able to forgive her betrayal.
“Do you really think it’s about what either of us deserve any more? Temptation for you, or me for that matter. Maybe it’s tempting for me too. If I’m following orders, does that make me less responsible for my actions, is it just easier that way, is it...”
Her train of thought was interrupted by the way he leaned in, and her body tensed. Not because of his closeness, that was definitely not the issue, but she could still read him, even without the Force, still could tell when he was serious about facing a potential threat. So she nodded, just once, very slowly, to show she understood.
“No Force, no sight, this won’t be easy,” she murmured in return, her hand shifting slowly to her lightsaber. Now he’d mentioned it, she thought she could smell something, something that was like part wet Bantha and part sulphur, and now it was like there were four movements in the air, the breeze, his breath, her breath and another. “It’s behind me, isn’t it. I duck, you shoot?” Even if he missed, then there would be movement, the creature would be forced to be more active, louder and more easy to follow with the other senses.
The ease with which they had slipped back into their roles still sort of worried Jacen on some level, but right now he was thankful for it. His own hand was at his side ready to ignite the red blade he’d crafted himself upon his ascension to Sith Lord. But at her suggestion he moved slowly to unclip the blaster that lay at her hip. He’d never been wonderfully fond of blasters but needs must. And he was fairly sure the hell creature wouldn’t expect it. It wouldn’t kill it, no they’d have to hack it to pieces he supposed. But that was not a problem yet. Blaster fixed and ready and every sense he had available to him on alert even if they did feel oh so dulled Jacen leaned in again not even an inch from his apprentices ear and spoke softly just one word.
“Now”
When Tahiri ducked, he fired as quickly as his non Force reflexes would allow and heard a noise somewhere between a yelp and a growl, he’d hit it but not enough to even slow it down. But at least now they could hear it. And see the droplets of blood from where he’d injured it. But still it was moving fast. Jacen grabbed Tahiri’s arm swinging her around to his side and once she was out of its immediate path ignited his lightsaber ready for the fight.
Tahiri remained completely still as Jacen unclipped her blaster, as her ears strained to hear any movement from the creature behind them. The thing was a predator, and clearly a kriffing good one, but she had no intention of dying in a park when she had emotional complications to deal with.
Upon Jacen’s order, she moved, maybe not as sharply as she could have done with her powers, but still with the kinds of reflexes that would most gymnasts envious. In one fluid motion, she swung around, guided by his hand on her arm, as her other hand went for her own lightsaber, igniting the blade ready. The weapon, far more comfortable in her hand than anything else, hummed into life, and instinctively she thrust it out, just ahead of the path of blood drops. The snarl and the scent of singed fur was her reward, though the rapid shift in the movement of the blood trail showed the creature was still barely touched.
But it was now in their sights. And it was wounded while they were not. Tahiri remembered the guidance Jacen had offered her when their powers had been taken, that she would have to control the space, make her opponent move as she wanted. And this was a start. The creature was on the defensive, and while the pair of them lacked the power of the Force, they still had their lightsabers and the skills that came with years of training with them.
He’d like to have said they made short work of the thing. But it wasn’t even close. It was a long fight. Messy and with that voice in his head saying he could have made short work of this thing if he had the powers at his fingertips he normally possessed. Sending thousands of volts through it did sound fun. But after the exceptional teamwork they were known for and a bite to his arm he suspected would require tending. They got it, a slice from Tahiri’s lightsaber removing its head and Jacen leaned against a tree trying to regain his senses. There was pain, his arm stung. But pain to him, and to her as well was something different. He almost thrived with it, even without the Force. He was easily able for a smile.
“You did well. I’m proud of you.” he told her knowing most would be surprised he was so together right now. He thought Tahiri would be surprised if he was not. “I should probably get this looked at at some point. Or you could throw a few stitches in it? Be just like Yuuzhun’tar.” he added amused. He wondered how much of her time with the Vong she remembered as her, or how much of it now was just mingled with Riina to create one being. Whoever it had made her, it was better.
She had strength, and not just from what he had fashioned her into.
“That said we should probably get back before more of them come. They’ll smell blood. Not entirely unlike Voxyn are they?”
With their powers, they probably could have gotten away with it without a scratch, but as it was, Tahiri also sported a claw mark down her leg. Not too deep, just enough to sting. And it was a good sting. The kind of pain that made her actually relax, a comfort to her, just as the bite was for him. It centered her, and allowed her to laugh slightly at his comments.
“Thank you,” her smile was genuine, warm, the first she’d managed all day. Despite everything, she still relished the feeling that his pride invoked in her. “Come on, I’ll stitch you up,” she rolled her eyes at him, almost playfully. Yuuzhun’tar seemed like such a lifetime ago, in a way it was. Her memories, Riina, the blending of the two to create this final result of her. Things had been simpler then. And either way, the Vong had made her into something stronger and better.
“The Voxyn smelled better,” she lightly bumped her shoulder against his. “We’ll let the ones who come after it clean up the mess.” Physical mess it might have been, but in a way it had helped clear the emotional mess of her mind, at least for the little while. Everything else could be dealt with later, the creature had served as a sharp reminder that there was still a battle to be fought here. Though, Tahiri glanced at Jacen, in so many ways both the causes and the fix to her emotional turmoil. At least she had company.