He really was trying. He wanted things to be better. Feeling miserable wasn't something he wanted. He wanted to be the way he was before, to be able to function without worrying about a possible break down, or walking around certain people on egg shells. He wanted to be himself again. For the first time in months he had been starting to until Jacen had set him back a bit. He was trying not to let him do it though. He really didn't need it. John hadn't even had a suicidal thought in the last month as far as he could remember until then. Several had crossed his mind when he was talking to Jacen, but he tried to remember if his friends didn't want to be there they wouldn't be. Florence had been telling him that for ages. It was her choice to be there, Kat as well.
When the attack threatened, he tried to work through it the best he could. Her being there helped and he knew this. Dealing with them alone was harder. He was getting used to the idea of having friends, people he could go to when he needed support. He also wanted to be there for them when they needed him. He wanted to be the person that could be there for others again, he just wasn't sure how. He was more confident when he was a doctor, but he knew he couldn't do that job anymore. He'd messed up, but not only with the staff with his own moral standards. He knew he had to pull back for a while.
"I get that reference." John mused, rather pleased with himself. He didn't watch many films or television, but he had seen that one once before. "I've actually been cutting back a bit. I know it isn't entirely healthy." He'd actually been working on his health, he knew when he'd been grieving initially he'd been pretty neglectful of it. He'd been trying to eat healthier and sleep as much as he could. "I don't think even he could hate that." John knew Sherlock better than anyone, he knew most people didn't care for his attitude but John couldn't help it. He'd grown to care for him as a flatemate and friend. There had been several times when Sherlock even addressed him as an equal, just assumed John would understand him. The truth was, even John didn't know everything about him, he was left unfufilled. Even considered studying the new Sherlock to see how they differed.