He paused and thought about it. "Suppose not?" It was no healthier then him clinging to the body for so long. He rubbed his face suddenly feeling a little anxious with all the talk of bodies and angels. He tried to stop a panic attack he could feel growing underneath the surface. His eyes closed for a moment as he rested his head in his hands and tried to just breathe trough it. Luke had said to let it come if it came, but John was still worried. Panic attacks were a sign of him worrying more then he should. Over thinking as Luke had said, so he tried not to.
John had no real feeling over Christmas, without Sherlock he had even less. Finally the feeling of panic seemed to pass and he looked back up at her with tired eyes. The attacks drained him at times. Physically as well as emotionally, but he was trying to deal with them. He'd been told he was skirting past emotion, but he knew what it felt like. They were wrong. He knew what pain felt like. Especially in the late night hours alone in his flat.
"Fan are you?" He asked with a faint smile as he sipped at his tea. He hadn't done anything to his flat despite the holiday being a couple weeks away. "Family never really celebrated it either. Harry was usually drunk on eggnog though." He shrugged and sipped his tea. "Cake pops would be better if they had jam in them. Maybe not with mocha though." There were some flavors that just didn't mix with jam and he could accept that. "What would we bring him?" John hadn't really thought to bring anything beyond the flowers he had the first time and he wasn't even sure that was appropriate. Sherlock didn't believe in that sort of thing either.