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Tweak says, "Hail Hydra!"

Abby Sciuto needs a Caf-Pow (needsacafpow) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2012-12-04 04:27:00

Entry tags:

abby sciuto, tony dinozzo

Who: Abby and open to Tony if he wants, otherwise it works as a narrative
What: Ziva is dead, Abby is broken and she has severe PTS issues in regards to what happened in her world previous to her arriving here.
When: Right now (aka roughly 4:30 am) because clearly Abby is not sleeping until Ziva comes back
Where: Abby and Ziva's shared apartment in the complex
Warnings: Angst and feels, mentions of death and explosions

Kate. Jenny. NCIS headquarters. Ziva.

Not to mention all the times members of the team had come close to dying. Abby never took well to things such as injury and death happening to those she loved and considered family. She refused to think about the possibility of losing more. The forensic scientist didn't even know how to process this latest turn of events. Ziva was dead. Dead. It seemed completely impossible to Abby. After all, the Israeli had survived far worse than a gunshot wound. And despite the fact that Abby had been leery of Ziva in the beginning, over the past seven years, she had grown close to her, and the two were extremely good friends.

While Abby had also been close to Kate, she was taking Ziva's death far harder than she had Kate's. And given the series of events that had occurred prior to her and Ziva being brought back here, Ziva's death had even more of an impact. Abby still had Tony, but he wasn't from the same time as her and Ziva were. Yes she had Jenny, but there was the same issue of the former NCIS director not being from the same point in time. There wasn't anyone left who knew exactly what she had been through. Ziva had known, had understood. And Abby needed that comfort of knowing there was someone else who understood, needed someone in close proximity to her in the complex and rest assured she wasn't alone.

Tony was there with her, for which she was grateful, but she wasn't even certain how to talk. Not that she wanted to talk because she didn't know what to say. Tony didn't know Ziva the way she did, the way he did in their time. There was also the fact Tony didn't know about Abby having been adopted, about her having a brother out there. There were so many other topics that he didn't know about that she didn't even want to try and get in to. So she simply sat on the couch, knees pulled up against her chest, her hair hanging loose instead of being in her trademark pigtails. She had Ziva's Star of David necklace clutched in her hand. She was staring at it as though she could bring Ziva back by just wishing it to be.

"Ziva, I don't know how to get through this without you. I need you," she spoke softly as though Ziva could hear her and would respond. Sniffing, Abby swiped at her tear-stained cheeks with her freehand. And Abby really didn't know how to get through this. Oh she knew how to move through the grief, she'd done it before, but she was more specifically referring to the NCIS headquarters having blown up with them inside. The event had been haunting her ever since her arrival here. Not a night went by where she didn't have nightmares. That was when she actually slept. But even in her waking life, Abby had days where she was far more neurotic than she usually was. She could pretend she was fine when there was a case that needed to be worked on. The fact that she worked in a FBI building as opposed to the NCIS headquarters actually allowed her work life to continue uninterrupted. The building she worked in didn't have the memories of seeing it in a blown up state, of knowing colleagues of hers had been injured or killed in the place she worked. No, those particular images were saved for her nightmares.

In the lulls, between cases and when she didn't have anything else to distract her, the memories would come forefront in her mind and she didn't know how to work through them. She was fearful that they were all dead back home, that her and Ziva had actually perished in that explosion. If that was the case, then Ziva was now dead in both worlds. That realization only renewed Abby's tears and she buried her face in her knees as she tightened her arms around her shins. There was too much for her to handle, too much to process. The world was going to Hell outside the complex, but Abby couldn't care less about that. Well, she did, but she wasn't a fighter. She knew Ziva would rather she stay safe, stay alive, than try to risk her life fighting or seeking vengeance. But Abby currently was a paradox as it was difficult for her to sit still knowing that it had been Booth possessed by a demon that had killed Ziva, and she likewise couldn't bring herself to move from the spot on the couch. She hadn't really moved much since Tony had broken the news to her about Ziva, save for when she'd meticulously cleaned the blood off of Ziva's necklace.

The normally optimistic and perpetually happy forensic scientist was currently anything but. She was overwhelmed by emotions and memories and she didn't even know where to start to work her way through all of this. So instead, she opted for just sitting there and letting herself cry until she couldn't cry any more. And when the tears finally stopped, well, she would figure out what to do then.

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little_ozzo
2012-12-04 11:48 pm UTC (link)

Tony watched Abby from the doorway for a few minutes. He had no idea what to say to her. He knew nothing would make it better, that much was obvious. When Kate had died, he'd just hugged her. It was all he'd been able to offer in his own grief. It was easy to forget that was a long time ago for Abby, when it had happened so recently for him. He still felt the ache of losing Kate every day. Ziva being killed didn't have the same impact for him. He really didn't know her that well yet. But that didn't change the knowledge that she was his partner, and she was dead. And that just made him angry.

It was only the knowledge that Abby needed him that kept him in this room, from going out there and finding that demon. Abby had just lost the person she'd had here who knew everything that had happened over the last few years. In Tony's world, he knew Abby better than Ziva did. In Abby's world, he figured that wasn't the case any more.

When she started crying anew, he moved over to the couch and sat beside her, wordlessly slipping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his side.

"I'm sorry, Abs." If he could change it for her he would.

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needsacafpow
2012-12-05 07:59 am UTC (link)

In Abby's world, hugs fixed nearly everything. Of course, they didn't exactly make the pain of loss go away completely, but the comfort helped and took the edge off of the pain. Abby typically was always the first to offer hugs to everyone. Or, as she was more prone to do, she wouldn't ask, she'd just hug. Because the NCIS team was her family, and family didn't have to ask to hug each other. But in this instance, Abby was grateful that Tony initiated the hug. It did mean a lot to her, and not just because she was a huggy kind of person. She was reminded that there was someone there for her. Jenny was there, but she was recovering from injuries. Tony was uninjured, so Abby could hug him as tightly as she wanted. When he pulled her closer to him, she rested her head against his shoulder and slipped her arms around him, practically clinging to him.

"It's not fair, Tony. After everything Ziva's been through and survived, that is how she dies? It's a lot like what happened to Kate. Just one bullet." She paused to sniff. "I don't mean to drag that up, I know that just happened for you back home. But it all comes down to one bullet, and it isn't fair." Abby, as well as Tony, understood how unfair life was. They dealt with it every day in their jobs, seeking justice for victims whose lives were ended far too soon. But it still felt so unfair that Ziva died like that. After surviving so many other things, including torture, both in this world and their own, it was a single gun shot wound to the heart that had killed her. "And what if she's dead back home, too? That means there isn't a Ziva anywhere anymore and that's just really not fair."

Abby had pointedly tried to avoid any and all mention of the NCIS headquarters blowing up, so the allusion to it in what she'd just said was probably the first time she'd really said anything on the matter. The unspoken part of her question had been her worry of them all being dead back home. Well, all of them except Ducky and Palmer who weren't there at the time. And if all of them were dead, then this place was all they had.

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