Lois slowly sipped the water, not wanting to drink too quickly as she remembered what happened when one drank too much at once. Her body was overwhelmed enough as it was, the last thing she needed to do was cause it more stress. Her coughing fit subsided and she took a few long breaths, calming herself before finally opening her eyes again.
Her mind was a jumbled mess of things to say, but all of them caught in her throat as she finally got a good look at Clark. He looked exhausted and while she could see the relief in his eyes as he looked down at her, she couldn’t help but notice the tension in the rest of his body. She wondered how long she had been out of it for him to gather up that much stress.
She hated that she was the cause of the pain he’d most likely gone through. Hated that she’d put him through the wringer by getting herself hurt. The should’ve, would’ve, could’ve game was already beginning in her head as she tried to recall all the details that had led to her being in the hospital. Maybe if she’d been paying attention to her surroundings she would’ve heard the gunshot. Maybe she could’ve ducked in time. Maybe she could have not been out on that street in the first place. But she couldn’t fix any of that, couldn’t go back in time and stop any of it from happening. The only thing to do now was to try and move forward.
Lois reached up and brushed her fingers against his cheek, trying to force herself to speak again. “I shouldn’t...I didn’t...” She kept her gaze locked on his own, taking another deep breath. “I’m sorry.” Lois blinked back tears, her other hand reaching for his own, desperately wanting to hold onto him.
She was never one to cry, usually locking those emotions down tightly and exerting a stronger exterior to the world. It was what was needed to survive in the middle of the bullpen, to keep going after the story that no sane person would continue prodding at, or to simply grow up in the middle of an army base full of a revolving door of friends and acquaintances. But she didn’t have to keep that pretense up around Clark, didn’t need to force her feelings into a tight ball that wasn’t allowed to see the light of day unless she was alone to deal with them. It didn’t stop her from trying, though, not wanting to give him more to deal with than he already had.
“You’re going to be incorrigible now in regards to my safety,” she murmured, trying to lighten the mood, but her attempt at joking around fell flat and she shrugged, unsure what she was supposed to do or say anymore.
Usually she’d be coming up with a number of witty retorts, pointing out that she’d be back out there in no time to find the bad guy, to get the news to the people, but Lois couldn’t bring herself to try any of that yet. Hadn’t they just argued about the possibility of her getting hurt like this? She remembered all too well all the times he’d told her he couldn’t handle something bad happening to her and something most definitely bad had occurred.
“I’m so sorry, Clark.” She kept repeating her apology, hoping he would accept it, that it would help heal a little of the damage she had caused.