Jennifer 'Jenny' Shepard (madamedirector) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2012-11-07 01:35:00 |
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Entry tags: | jenny shepard, ziva david |
Who: Jenny Shepard and Ziva David
What: Jenny arrives in Lawrence. Ziva finds her.
When: Just after she arrives.
Where: In a park.
Rating/Warnings: Angst. Mention of death.
Status: Complete
Regret was among the many emotions filtering through her mind. 9 years ago Gibbs had point blank asked her if she was capable of completing the mission. Young and determined to prove that she was an excellent agent she had adamantly said that she was. But when it came down to it she’d been unable to follow through. Decker had covered for her and signed off on the mission having been completed. If only she had more of a backbone back then and had pulled the trigger lives could have been saved. She never would have had to attend Decker’s funeral and unintentionally led to Sasha’s death. There wouldn’t be this nagging doubt in the back of her mind of her past rearing its ugly head with disastrous results. Even if she herself couldn’t have pulled the trigger, she could have told Gibbs. He would have understood and taken care of her target. But her pride had gotten in the way. Jenny watched as Mike Franks walked out the back. Above all else her biggest regret was leaving Jethro and continually pushing him away. After her first year as director she could have given in and told him how she felt. But her pride once again got in the way. That and she doubted if he truly would take her back after everything. So, time and time again, she pushed him away. What Franks had told her gave her hope but there truly was no future ahead. The terminal illness eating away at her piece by piece. Her comment about not laying in the bed that she’d made was just that a comment. When this was all said and done she’d return to Washington and life would continue as it had been. She’d seen the pain when he awoke from his coma only remembering his wife and daughter’s death. Jenny refused to build a relationship with him in her remaining time and then have him suffer when she died. Her feelings be damned. Once before she’d buried them into the far recesses of her mind and she would do it again. Seeing movement from the corner of her eye she took the safety off her gun and moved to be ready. There would be no hesitation in shooting now. She’d come a long way since that young probie agent in Paris. This time Jenny planned to put this case to rest. No longer would her past be able to haunt her every movement in the present or future. As the door opened, Jenny raised her gun to shoot when all of a sudden there was a shift in the air and then the diner was gone. Instead she stood on a sidewalk in what appeared to be a park. Her body on alert she began walking her pointer finger still resting on the trigger ready to shoot. Confusion and fear settling into her bones. Fear was not an emotion that she often felt but at the moment it was pretty strong. Being back in Lawrence was not something Ziva was exactly thrilled about. She didn’t know the fate of her team, her family for one. And then the fact that Tony was here but from right after Agent Todd’s death? He said it was strange for him, her knowing so much about him while he barely knew her, but it was also strange for Ziva. Because the two had a very close relationship, at least in her mind. It had been through alot. Not knowing who could be trusted. Somalia. Rebuilding. At the end of the day, though, Ziva always knew that Tony would have her back. Would this version of Tony have her back, though? He didn’t know her beyond being Ari’s handler. He didn’t seem to place blame on her for Agent Todd’s death, but that didn’t change the fact that he was from seven years her past and they didn’t have the understanding they now had. It was why Ziva was out running. While she waited for Booth to get the clearance to return to work, so that he could get her the clearance to return to work and having to use Somalia as an excuse, Ziva had very little to do with her time. It seemed she spent most of her time running. Or at the shooting range. Or just keeping on top of her skills as one never knew when they might be needed to be called upon. Survival. Especially in this world was extremely necessary. Rounding a corner, the Israeli woman came to a stop when she saw the familiar form in front of her. Director Shepard. The woman had been dead for four years. Yes, Ziva knew how the Seal could be. It brought people here from death all the time. Brought them from the past, as Ziva had dealt with when Abby was here. And was dealing with in terms of Tony. So why wasn’t it possible for Director Shepard to show up? And not shot to death. Which meant that she hadn’t died yet. “D...Director...” Because that was all Ziva could say. She had no response to this. Because it was her fault Jenny had died. She had let Tony talk her into taking the break the Director wanted and because of that, no one had her back. Because of that, she had died. Alone. Yes, Franks had been there, but it should have been her and Tony. She should have pushed more. Really, how does one deal with seeing the face of someone who’s death was on their hands? It wasn’t Ari, which would have been even harder, but the feelings of guilt were washing over her anew. Because there was so much to tell her. To explain. Really, Lawrence was having a grand old time screwing with her this time around. Jenny felt eyes watching her before she heard the voice. Her grip had tightened its hold on her gun ready to pull the trigger. When a familiar voice filtered through the silence in the air she relaxed her stance slightly. But just because it sounded like Ziva did not necessarily mean that it was her. Calling her director could be a ploy for her to put her guard down. Turning she faced the direction that the voice came from and began to cautiously move closer. The closer she got the more Jenny felt that the voice had belonged to Ziva. When she was as close as she felt comfortable standing she stopped keeping her gun down by her waist; her finger still poised to pull the trigger if need be. “Ziva?” Jenny asked. How was this happening?! No. Ziva knew exactly how it had happened. The Seal had decided to bring Jenny here from the gunfight. She knew the outfit. Recognized it. How could she not when she and Tony had been on scene after? Despite being a former member of the Israeli army, an officer of Mossad as well as NCIS agent, despite death being far from foreign to her, Ziva still felt guilt over this. Jenny was more than Director. She’d been her friend. The one who had her back initially when the rest of the team were still hurting from Agent Todd’s death and not wanting her to be replaced. “You look....” Her voice choked. It shouldn’t have choked but it did. Because Jenny was standing right in front of her. Alive. Because of the Seal. Oh that stupid Seal and it’s abuse of the people it brought through in numerous ways. So far it was just emotional for Ziva but that didn’t mean it would last. After all, she’d nearly been decapitated the last time she was here because she had gotten caught alive. Shaking her head, the Israeli national tried to clear her thoughts. It wouldn’t do to break down now. It had happened very few times. After she had shot Ari. Franks’ death, when she didn’t know how much more she could take of this kind of life. And yes, when Jenny died. There was too much at risk here. And on instinct, Ziva did a precursory scan of the area. It was near where the sting operation on Molokov had been. She’d been on a different case at the time, but she knew the details of what had happened as Booth had worked it. Swallowing, Ziva felt composed. Or at least enough to try talking again. “It is good to see you again.... We’re in Lawrence, Kansas and the year is 2012.” Well, it wasn’t like Ziva was exactly known for easing into things. She was horrible at it, actually. And she was pretty certain that was why she was always told to notify the families. An attempt to make her better at such matters. Right now? It didn’t do much good. The obvious emotion in Ziva’s voice worried Jenny. It was as if the younger woman was shocked to see her. That and it was rare to see such emotion coming from the Mossad officer. The feelings of guilt and regret from the diner began to creep up on her again. She had dismissed Ziva and Tony so that she could handle her problem without them being put in harms way. Had been harsh when they had checked up on her. They were only doing their job. Of all the agents in the agency she knew that she could put her full trust in Gibbs’ team. Ziva had earned her trust years before and not once had she ever regretted the decision to have her as a liaison to NCIS. Her concern only grew as it appeared that Ziva was having an internal debate with herself. Jenny saw the precursory glance that Ziva gave her surroundings and smiled inside. The younger woman had natural instincts built from her Mossad training but she couldn’t help that part of the caution was also as a result of working with Gibbs. You work with him long enough you begin to pick up on his subtle and yet not so subtle way of teaching. When Ziva spoke again, Jenny’s grip tightened on her gun once again and her body tensed. Put aside the fact that she’d gone from the Nevada desert to Lawrence, Kansas. That was an issue that she would handle much later. But it was the year 2012. It wasn’t possible. There was no way that she could forget 4 years worth of events. The only explanation was that this was a dream and that she was asleep in her bed at home. Or, worst case scenario she’d gotten injured at the diner and was in a coma or drug induced sleep at the hospital. In either case they were the only logical explanations that she could come up with. Something about the way that Ziva said that it ”was good to see her again” nagged at the back of her mind. But it wasn’t at the top of her worries. Shaking her head she levelled a Gibb’s worthy stare at the young agent. “Officer David, I do not like being lied to. Tell me what is really going on, immediately.” Ziva didn’t even flinch. She was used to Gibbs for one. And also, well, she wasn’t lying. It was completely true, and she didn’t know exactly how to explain... Yes! Newspapers! Thankful for the Newspaper dispenser thing... Ziva really didn’t know the term and she was a bit too distracted to worry about it, she put in a quarter, pulled out the Lawrence post and handed it to Jenny, date on it, verifying both time and location. “And I would not lie to you, Director.” Unlike the older woman, telling them she was fine when she was going off to get killed. Lying and telling her to take the day. It stung, but it was four years in the past for Ziva and there wasn’t much she could do about it now. Besides, that would come with time. Right now, it was explaining things. “We have been brought here by a Biblical Seal that was housing Lucifer in his cage. It brings a lot of people here from different times and places. It seems to have brought you here from the Diner.” Yes. Getting straight to business. That worked. That worked extremely well. She knew it was a lot to take in, it had taken a lot for Ziva to settle in when she first showed up. And she’d had to deal with Abby just arriving as well and as such, it had been difficult to adjust. And this time, well, she had Tony from seven years ago and trying to make sense of everything going on as apparently he hadn’t really been here that long as well. At least he had agreed to camp. Which... she had said she’d try to go up for as well. But now? “I know how it sounds. But it is true.” Because really, Ziva had no way to fake a random newspaper stand to give the date and location she wanted. Ziva was good, but she wasn’t that good. Disbelief. Was what you could describe the expression on Jenny’s face as. She hadn’t been sure what Ziva’s intention was when she went over to the Newspaper dispenser. The paper would tell her what she already knew that she was being lied to. When it was in her hand she saw the date and location she was stunned. Not a lie. Somehow she’d gone from a diner in the Nevada desert in 2008 to being in Kansas in 2012. Jenny could feel a headache forming as she began to process what this meant and how she could have been transported here. Deep down, Jenny knew that the younger woman wouldn’t lie to her. Everything had been honest between them when they’d worked together in the past. Well, almost entirely honest. She’d kept details about her affair with Gibbs to a minimum and never once gave a name. Just the basic impression that she’d been in love once. At the mention of a Biblical Seal and Lucifer her eyebrows raised. It sounded like the talk of a mental patient. But so did the fact that she’d jumped 4 years into the future. 4 years of history that she’d missed. Jenny wondered how events had played out at the diner. Had she and Franks managed to take out the men they knew had been sent after them? Had they found out what Decker’s insurance policy was? Did she finally stop the game of denial that she was playing and tell Gibbs about everything? When the final part of Ziva’s statement registered she looked up from the Newspaper. The young woman was from after she was of that she was now certain. The Ziva of her time had no knowledge about the diner. At some point in the future following events at the diner she must have informed Gibbs’ team. The fact that she could have died not even registering in her mind. Jenny nodded and folded the newspaper and tucked it under her arm. As she wasn’t in immediate danger she clicked the safety back into place on her gun. Once the safety was on she tucked the gun into her pants the holster having been left in the diner. Gibbs rules began to nag at her mind but she would ignore them for the time being. “I’m sorry, Ziva.” Jenny said. Gibbs rule 6 stated Never apologize. It is a sign of weakness. But to every rule there was an exception. For her this was one of them. “I take it sometime after the diner I inform Gibbs and the rest of you?” While Ziva was not known for her ability to ease into things... or patience, she did manage to let Jenny process what she was being told, on top of what she was seeing in front of her in terms of the newspaper, so that it validated everything she had said. She hadn’t even realized that she had slipped, that she had revealed she knew more information than she should. It would have come up eventually. Because Ziva would have to explain the timeline issue eventually as Tony would just barely know her and that would be confusing. But then Jenny was apologizing. She wasn’t asking questions about what was going on. No. She was apologizing and breaking one of Gibbs’ rules. Which just... no one did that. Though, rule number six had been broken by Gibbs himself on occasion. Apologizing. But that wasn’t the only rule that Jenny had broken. Rule number three, number ten, number fifteen, just to name a few. Ziva didn’t have a chance to respond to the apology though, because the next thing Jenny was saying was asking if she had told them after the fact. And that? That was it. Because Jenny didn’t get a chance to tell them. Because she had broken rule after rule and because of it... she had died. “You should have told us, Jenny! We could have helped you! But no, you went there alone and then...” Voice choking again, Ziva didn’t even bother trying to control her emotions this time. Because there was so much Ziva never got to say. Because Jenny had gone and gotten herself killed. She didn’t even use titles. Because this was Jenny, not the Director. There was no NCIS team in Lawrence, Kansas. They were just fellow agents. And Jenny had died because of her reckless behavior and obsession. “You died. You died alone because you didn’t tell Tony and me. You didn’t let us help you and so we had to find your body at a crime scene.” Jenny had expected some form of response that entailed yelling. But what she hadn’t been expecting was Ziva falling apart in front of her. She’d been reckless. Full of pride. As Director it was her job to ensure the safety of her agents. Informing Tony and Ziva would have put them in danger. Decker had already died because of their secret. She wasn’t going to let someone else die. Especially when it all came down to the fact that it was her fault. A thousand what ifs once again flowing through her mind. It truly all came down to pride. If she had put her pride aside for just one moment the anguish in Ziva’s voice would not be there. But her pride was all she had left at that point. The only reason that she’d called Franks was because she knew that he’d help. It wasn’t just a matter of pride. Once they were done with her, Gibbs would be next. And Jenny would do anything to ensure that Gibbs lived. This was a secret that she never wished for him to know. Though they had butted heads since she had taken the position of director, he still made her aware that she was a damned good agent. Having to see the look in his eye if he found out was one that she couldn’t bear. Of everyone he was the only one who had the ability to tear down the walls of her director facade and see the women beneath. He always had. A gasp escaped her lips at hearing of her death. When Ziva had trailed off her mind had immediately gone to such a scenario. Earlier she’d thought that this was a drug induced dream and that she was resting in a hospital after being injured. But, no, that wasn’t the case. This was all real and for Ziva she was dead. Guilt. Pure heart wrenching guilt. That was what she was currently feeling. Lying to Tony and Ziva had hurt them. Sure, when she told them why she’d sent them away they would have been hurt. But this was much worse. Beneath the guilt was also a sense of peace. Not a feeling one expects an individual to have when they learn about their own death. But Jenny had always defied convention. She was confident that she had gone down with a fight. It was how Gibbs had trained her. To be tough and never lay down. She would have died protecting Gibbs, the man that she loved and kept pushing away. There was also peace because it meant that she hadn’t succumbed to her disease. Jenny would have rather gone out fighting and protecting those she cared about than to wither away confined to a bed. The heroes way out. But could one actually be called a hero when they let their pride get in the way? Taken the measures that she had taken? Her brow furrowed when Ziva said she’d died alone. Franks had gone out back for water. If she had died alone that meant that he could have been taken out first. She didn’t recall hearing any shots being fired. Though a silencer could have taken care of that. Jenny was at a loss for what to say. The pain coursing through her heart as she witness a woman who was among the strongest that she knew fall apart taking away her ability to speak. What could she say? Every word from the young woman’s mouth was the truth. She hadn’t let them help her so she made her last stand alone. But who was to say if they had gotten involved they didn’t get hurt or worse killed? It was probably a good thing that Jenny didn’t try to comfort her, say something. Because Ziva couldn’t handle that right now. She wasn’t an affectionate person by nature. She’d gotten better about it, one had to when they were close with Abby. And Gibbs showed his own affection for her. And god, she could use him right about now. Just someone who knew her, knew her now and how to be there for her. Because this? This was too much, and way too soon. She wasn’t sleeping much because all she saw were cases and death, the explosion and not knowing. But Gibbs wasn’t here. And Tony was here but not one who knew her. Not the one who had stood beside her when Jenny had died. The one who held her after Franks had died, finally too worn down from all she had seen in too short a life. Instead, Ziva would have to build her walls again. Be strong. Because it was what was expected. It was in her training. Never let them see you break. It wasn’t one of Gibbs’ rules, but it helped her survive. Right now, she just had to pull herself together. It would take some time, but she’d get there. She always did. Taking a breath and wiping at her eyes so that the tears that were threatening to betray her couldn’t do so, Ziva straightened her back. When in doubt, this is what she had to do. “I will get you to the Complex. There are a lot of people here that are displaced as well. There we will get you an amulet to protect against possession as well as a room to stay.” She would go into the Tony thing later. At least at the Complex, they could get onto the boards and she could read the information and Ziva could answer any questions she had. It seemed easier to deal with that way. And the fact Ziva wasn’t really the type of person who should ever be on the welcoming committee to Lawrence. Abby and her had shown up together, she’d been drugged up post torture when Tony showed up the first time. And then this version of Tony had shown up before her. Once she was certain Jenny would follow, Ziva started to lead her former Director back to the Complex. And it would give her time to compose herself. Because like it or not, she had to be strong again, just like always. At least she was used to it. Jenny merely nodded in response and began to follow. Her body still going into shock from seeing Ziva fall apart and the adrenaline still coursing through her body. Once at this Complex she could take a moment to herself to break down. Because it was the direction that she was headed. At some point she’d have to see someone about her illness because if she was to be stuck here, Jenny refused to wither away in pain. An illness that at some point she would need to inform the younger woman of or at the very least confirm it was true. Of everything Ziva had mentioned her illness hadn’t been one of them. Ducky would have done her autopsy of that she was sure. The older man who always knew what to say when she was a probie agent venting about working for a man such as Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Had he withheld the information that she was dying to maintain her pride even in death? A question that could be answered at a later date. |